26 replies to this topic

[CHRISTOPHER310]

This may be an off subject post, but a subject that is bothering me more and more these days. Do people really care about each other? Have they actually ever cared?

 

I know we live in a fallen world that will only get worst as it has been only getting worst. I know that the constant changing in and advancement of media technologies is adding to this world getting worst. But we all fall victim to technology and media if we choose to. We are never in a ‘have to’ corner. We can use media technologies for good and bad both. To care and hurt as we feel desire to. So it’s a choice. Not a reason why people don’t care anymore or less. People have the ability to care as much or as little regardless of the media and technologies we are presented. So media technologies is not an excuse or explanation as best as I can see it to weather people really care.

 

I see less and less true caring of people these days. From family to friends to co-works to strangers and yes, even with in fellow believers. Less true caring about or for each other and more seems to be only playing games to reach their own selfish agendas. It’s sad and very discouraging for many to see that people just don’t really care. That hypocritical behavior is so common and the norm. I see this and I know others see it too. I’ve heard others complain about this and similar things.

 

Yes, we live in a fallen world and I don’t expect much of the non-believers to care or be anything but hypocrites. Until they believe, I expect most of them to be two face, self center, back stabbing hypocrites. But our own families? Fellow believers? That I don’t expect. That one hurts and is very heart breaking.

 

Family that doesn’t actually care about each other. Fellow believers that fake it to your face. I’ll pray for you, knowing full well they have no intentions of praying for you or even giving you a thought once you are our of their sight. This is what really bothers me and makes me wonder if people really do care or ever have cared. Family and fellow believers. Pretty loving comforting words to your face, but completely different words and actions behind your back, Hypocrites on any average day, at best they can be. Sad. So sad.

 

When you are out of sight, you are out of mind. Out of heart. When you have no use to their agenda, you have no value. You are just a disposable tool to be used as needed  and then discarded without thought. A means to their ends, but of no real value as a person or real love. Is this who we really are to each other? I wonder. Many wonder. Do people really care? Have they ever really cared? What now? What’s left to do now?

[Charles Miles]

Christopher,  I know a bit about what you speak of on this "caring" situation.  Are there people who actually care?  Yes.  How do we know that for sure?  Well, there is the problem.  Many times there are people who are concerned about another who is having problems, or maybe not even having problems at that particular moment, but needs a kind word or "sit down" visit.   I don`t know about others here, but I often get concerned that I might be "butting in" on a situation in which I am not welcome.......thereby causing more hurt and anger than if I had stayed out of the whole thing.  If someone is a close friend, I have no problem at all, but as the aquaintence gets further from my realm of personal knowledge, then the situation gets a bit more complex.  It does not bother me to be "rebuffed" by someone after I offer my help, but I`m not sure how they feel about it then or at a later date.  Personally I don`t see how saying....."You seem to be troubled by something.  I don`t know what it is, nor do I need to know, but if I can be of any help at all, please let me know."  I then ask if it is OK with them if I add them to my prayer list each morning, or even ask if they would like to stop right there and pray with me.  Usually all this works out well, but once in a while the person looks at me like I just got here from another planet.....they stare for a second or two, then turn and exit my immediate area. 

 

So now...If someone is not been sharpened by the "steel on steel" type sharpening and is a bit sensitive, I can see how that sort of response could dampen enthusiasm to offer christian love a bit.  How about the comment...."Whatever you have I don`t want any.  I don`t believe in prayer".  Would that hurt a bit?  It certainly could unless one knows who authors such stuff.  "It`s OK if you don`t believe in prayer....I do and so does my God, so if it`s OK can I still pray for you?" 

 

I think more people care about others than you realize, it`s just that some are hesitant to speak up and say what they know should be said for fear of rebuke and an attack on their faith. Take it easy on them Christopher, most are good people.  One minor thing here....It is not my business to decide which people, or if any people, love me....my job is to love THEM.  I already know who loves me, who died for me, who is my advocate, and whose child I am.....that there are some people out there that care about me is really nice and many may even love me, but I can rest in the knowledge that "Jesus Loves Me".  That is the important thing, that is the main thing, and all the rest is just "nice".

 

Your brother in Christ,

 

Charlie

[CHRISTOPHER310]

I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be insulting to anyone or a jerk about this, but I see very little, if any, evidence that people really do care. That their words are not just faked for their own agendas or egos. Family, friends, neighbors, fellow believers. I just don’t see reasons to believe people care. And I don’t want it blamed on society’s advancement in technology or media cause I thing that would just be an accuse trying to explain it all away. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I have been hurt just so much that I can’t feel anything good from people anymore. Maybe it’s just me.

[Charles Miles]

Christopher,  As a brother in Christ, I do care about you and your problem with lack of caring people around you in this world.  Would it be out of line for me to pray for you each morning at sunrise? I want to ask your permission so we can both agree on praying for your peace.  So you see brother, I do care, and I care about you.  I would not ask if I did not intend to pray for you with my first breaths each morning.  You live in California, so by the time you awaken you will have been discussed with the Lord. 

 

Peace brother, the Father loves you...

 

Charlie

[Julie Daube]

Christopher, I can understand your feelings. I have encountered far too many people who didn't care about anyone but themselves. Over the years, my husband and I have been used, betrayed, lied to, robbed, and discarded by neighbors to whom we had reached out in Christian love. Once after we had loaned some DVDs to a neighbor, she threw them in my husband's face after he politely asked if we could have them back when she was finished. We were also rejected by fellow believers who we thought were our best friends. And we've had family members turn on us and say hurtful things about us, even after we had made countless sacrifices for them.

That being said, I believe that Charlie was right when he said that more people care about others than we may realize. Despite the unjust treatment my husband and I received from some folks, we have experienced multiple outpourings of love and compassion from many others, specifically those in the Body of Christ. I could tell story after story of how God's people came to our aid during some very dark times, including during my Dad's recent health crisis. Also, at the Christian workplace where I am employed, I have seen people drop everything to pray for a coworker in need (including me!).

I understand what it's like to be hurt. It can make it difficult to believe the best about people, or to expect good from them. It can make us cynical. But when we allow that to happen, the enemy wins. Perhaps the following poem by Mother Teresa can provide some perspective on this issue:

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."

I think Charlie said it well: "One minor thing here....It is not my business to decide which people, or if any people, love me....my job is to love THEM. I already know who loves me, who died for me, who is my advocate, and whose child I am.....that there are some people out there that care about me is really nice and many may even love me, but I can rest in the knowledge that 'Jesus Loves Me.'"

I could be off base here, but maybe you need to rest in His love for you instead of worrying about whether people care. Just a thought!

[chipped china]

So much Truth and Love spoken here. Thank you all. This is a good subject for me because it relates to what I've been struggling with lately. Many people don't know how to receive love. They have been hurt too and so they tend to stay in their own little circle. I've become discouraged because most don't really know God's agape love, they have never experienced His deep penetration into your soul and heart without condemnation, without strings only acceptance, empathy, and joy over His creation. When you experience this kind of love it frees you to do His will and love the law because you realize He created laws because they lead to peace and fulfillment. So I still struggle a little with the sadness that I still have trouble letting Him emanate through me and sometimes my reaction is to pull back when people don't respond the way I think they should. As Mother Teresa said, Give your best anyway. It all starts and ends with our relationship with our Lord. He never changes and never lets you down. He sees how we try and He never gives up offering us the power of His Way. We live to glorify Him. All that is now imperfect will one day be made perfect.

I see you Christopher and pray that the Lord becomes your rock, your joy and peace. love, betsy

[Speilb]

Christians and the Church in general are All very loving people - that love deeply from the heart.  We are equipped with the Love of Christ.  If we ever are lacking in love we need only ask our Loving Heavenly Father and he will, of course, give it to us (such a thing is in His will and is a good gift therefore it is ours).  In-fact the way we are able to be identified is by our love. 

 

The reason this isn't seen much is

1) The Church isn't pure - there are too many wolves within the church.  Go to China, Pakistan, the Middle East, or the like and you will can find a much more pure church and you will not question their love.  I believe this accounts for the vast majority of the problem. 

2) People don't know how to communicate love.  I was in Lifeway the other day and someone was weeping and had been for some time (I understand for hours).  I believe there were many people that wanted to reach out to the man they just didn't know how and were afraid of what they might find if they did (He was suffering from PTSD from war and family issues) also people were likely in a hurry (I ended talking with him for around 4 hours till midnight during which God did some amazing work and he was greatly changed).  Which brings me to point number #3

3) People don't feel qualified to help.  Of course we not qualified to help - but we have the Holy Spirit.  We also have a stupid mentality that says "leave the loving to professionals".  The common church person doesn't feel at liberty to go and minister to people.  That is for the "professionals".  Leave it to Hospice.  Leave it to Clergy to show love.  Don't think that you can impact a youth leave it to a Youth Minister.  Many also want to send people to professional counselors (even though study after study has proved sitting down for a coffee with some bloke off the street will do as much good for you as a professionally licensed counselor).  Because of our system the professionals called on to love often get spent and start pretending and many go without feeling or being loved this has led to the rise of psychological disorders and the need for more and more "professionals". 

4) Media does hurt communication.  Get a bunch of teenagers in a room and take away their gadgets.  You will see great awkwardness, you will see ill-advised relationships begin, bloom, and end in a matter of hours.  You will see severe infighting (that will reverberate over social media for weeks and years.  Where they are is where many are in danger of regressing to. 

 

Finally we live in a culture that doesn't know what love is.  In romantic relationships we see this dramatically.  Our culture calls Romeo and Juliet a love story; how can you call it love when they never really got to know each other let alone they were both young teens (if I remember right).  They also both committed suicide which indicates to me co-dependency more then true love.  But our culture looks at this tragedy and calls it "love".  In movies like Jerry McGuire we hear crazy things like "you complete me" and we label that somehow as a loving thing to say.  This is the attitude for many in all love relationships.  Love is defined as "what you do for me" or "what you give to me".  Love becomes a commodity.  Many relationships are based on love as a commodity "I will give you the appearance of love if you give me the appearance of love and because we are so desperate we will call it "love"". 

 

True love has to be out of an overflow.  This is why people that grow up not feeling loved at home often struggle to have real love relationships.  They lacked love so they are looking for their need for love to be met.  Therefore it is selfish and not really love.  In Christ we have the most amazing love bestowed on us.  We are then able to really love.  We have no lack in the area of love and therefore we are able to love out of the overabundance of love.  

 

A.W. talked once in a sermon about the Christian couple and the Non-christian who both had a child.  Basically he said that non-Christian parents cannot really love their children like Christian parents can.  I wish I could find the sermon but it is lost to me now (If you can help me I would be most appreciative I have looked for it many times).  At first I was unsure about his words but I see so many examples of them all around.  One of the major reasons we have so many teenage mothers is because of a severe lack of feeling loved among our young girls.  Therefore they find a boy who will say anything to get sex and they label it "love".  Then if they get pregnant (sometimes intentionally) it is often out of motivation to have someone who will love them (I have heard this from teen mothers multiple times).  This is very scary because their ability to love is compromised by their need to be loved and therefore they end up having children that grow up never really feeling loved and the cycle repeats. 

 

 

 

Love in Christ,

Jimbob

[Ginger]

How do we pace with the person at hand?  How can I believe I love another person apart from Christ in me?  What is it that makes any individual make a decision about being loved or not loved?  Questions and more questions and the only person that is pure love is God.  So perhaps it is a bit of faith in another person who is a Christian that may make a difference.  All I know is when I read Jimbob's post I cried because young woman or old women can identify with this cycle having happened to them.  Mostly I question if I love, if I've hurt a person, and if I've been hurt by harsh and unkind words spoken to another in a post or in person or whatever has been said or written there is an opportunity to pray, and to even post here and just say thank you to those who love and post and care and read and don't post.  Once a while back I wasn't going to post any more because something harsh had been posted to one who'd posted and didn't mean to hurt anyone... so all I know is I'm wet with tears because no matter what our individual predicament or our individual feelings all comes from what we have triggered in our minds and our minds are what is to be transformed so we can have the mind of Christ... I fail to love most likely... I fail to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength and fail to love another as Jesus has loved and loves me.  So  I sometimes write a private message to try to be caring... Giving thanks to others for caring and for praying and most of all giving thanks to Our Father and our Lord Jesus and the Holy Spirit for being God who never leaves us nor forsakes us and who is always faithful to love and nurture us in spite of our weaknesses and failings.  Reckon all I know is that I don't know and ask for forgiveness for failing to love as I ought and trust that as Jimbob said that God will give me love to love others and to trust Him in everything because He is LOVE personified all the time.  I just keyed in words just because a strong urge or perhaps some unction to be a participant nudged me.  Regardless, it is what it is and GOD KNOWS.  I don't know that much about anything  and I do close posts with love and prayers and trust that God's love is in me because He saved me and is at work in me to will and to do of HIs good pleasure.  Reckon reminded of a time when I was a new Christian and didn't think I was like the other sisters that just 'felt' the power of God etc. Brother Tom was teaching the Bible study and laid hands on me and asked me to pray... I did and Bro. Tom told me that God was in me and that He wanted me to live by faith... so when I have tears and don't have feelings of love or whatever all I can do is ask for the LORD to love others as He desires to and just trust that His love is in me whether or not I feel something or not... I stop running over with words and ask God's love to be poured on each person as it is specifically needed individually for HIs glory and the person's good in Jesus name, please and thank you, amen.

[CHRISTOPHER310]

I’m sorry. I understand what everyone have shared and very much appreciate it all. The insights are simply wonderful and from perspectives I never thought of before. So many thanks to all that has been shared and given.

 

At this time, I am unable to take the leap and say, to feel, that people really do care. That the love and trust isn’t all just hypercritical in the end. There is no doubt that the fallen world is full of hypocrites and fakes. Users and abusers. But I think what I feel is more about what I have experienced. I’m sure I have been influence by society, but I am positive I have been effected by what I have personally experienced. People really don’t care in the end of all this. To believe people can and do really care. Can be trusted. To feel safe with. My sight does not see such things as true.

 

When a heart has been broken too many times just to be repaired on false promises of this person or that person claiming to care, to be trustable, safe, real...it just doesn’t really work. A heart can’t be repaired or healed like that. It only breaks into smaller pieces that become ever so impossible to put back together has whole again.

 

Maybe the question I asked was too incomplete. Maybe it’s “Do people really care and can broken hearts really feel it if they did?”

 

I don’t believe people care and even anyone did, I doubt I could feel it anymore. Get hurt enough and this is who you become. I know I am not the only one in this world that lives and feels this.

[elizabethcog]

Christopher I too will be praying for you daily along with the many others here... I am sorry your pain feels so great ,your hurt so raw...God is the same today and miracles do happen,God removed the heart of stone from my flesh and gave me a heart of flesh,my heart is his now and i am still learning this new heart, how to love and care like Jesus and I wont always get it right due to the human part of this heart still wanting to hang on,it is God himself who will help make you new just hang on to Him and then let it go He has you,he wont leave you even if everyone else does....Ezekiel 36:25 speaks about this new heart,

[Kevin Blankenship]

Matthew 24:12: "and because lawlessness will increase, the love of many people will grow cold."

My own mother, a bedridden lady, diagnosed with end-stage Alzheimer's Disease,  was a very active member in her church. Sunday School teacher, treasurer (because she could be trusted), and many more services did she render.  But the pastor of that church has only come one time out of the two years that we have been contending with this. ONE TIME!!!!!! If I ever hear that she (the pastor of that Cumberland Pres. church) is going to be preaching on loving and caring, I will be sorely tempted to come in through the side door, and go stand by her as she wears her priestly garment and delivers her sermon,  and explain in a calm voice about how POORLY this particular church has treated my mother.  It hurts my heart that if my Mother was in her right mind, thios rejection by her own church would hurt her severely.

   Now, to me, and my heart. I was married. I know what love and being loved feels like. It's almost a forgotten sensation.  But I focus on my  imperfect love towards Jesus, and how I can be better at loving Jesus.

  We are commanded to LOVE.......not BE loved. JMHO

[radar]

My old pastor put it best....He is learning everything all over again after losing his memory last summer. One of his first observations was that there were more Takers than Givers. He said it ought to be the other way around.

 

He used to tell me, "Radar", Get your eyes off everyone else and back on Jesus!" 

 

John 21:22

 

Shalom,

Chris

[Julie Daube]

Christopher, if I may, I'd like to respond to the following statement in your most recent post to this thread: "Get hurt enough and this is who you become."

It doesn't have to be that way, Christopher. Our hurts do not have to define us. Our past does not have to define us, and our suffering does not have to define us. When life has been cruel to us, we don't have to be victims forever - we can choose to be overcomers through Jesus Christ and by the power of His Holy Spirit. In Jesus, we can choose to walk in victory instead of victimhood.

If you don’t believe people care, then you won't be able to receive love and compassion when it is offered to you. Forgive me for being so blunt, but it seems that you've made a conscious decision to believe that no one cares, and no amount of evidence to the contrary is going to convince you. The fact that so many in this forum have reached out to you with care and concern on numerous occasions should show you that there are people who care about you.

"When a heart has been broken too many times just to be repaired on false promises of this person or that person claiming to care, to be trustable, safe, real...it just doesn’t really work. A heart can’t be repaired or healed like that. It only breaks into smaller pieces that become ever so impossible to put back together has whole again."

Only Jesus can heal a broken heart. If you look to "this person or that person" to feel safe and whole, you will never find what you are looking for. Give Jesus the pieces of your broken heart, and ask Him to heal you. Learn to receive from Him. Drink of the promises in His Word; let His Word be your lifeline. Whenever you feel that people don't care, meditate on Scriptures about God's love and care. Because when you get down to it, it really doesn't matter much if other people care. What really matters is that God loves us; He loves us so much that He sent His beloved Son to die for us. Can you imagine anyone on earth caring about you to that extent?

People will always disappoint us, but Jesus never will.

[CHRISTOPHER310]

@Julie, I have to much respect for you to engage you in any argument so I won't. I will, however, disagree with you as I do fail to see what evidence or proof there is that people care you speak of. But, my original post was not meant to be about me directly, as it was meant to be about the world as a whole. I have allowed it to shift solely towards me. Going back to the original intent behind the post, I don't see evidence that people really do care about each other, not just me, but each other. I just don't see the evidence to say they do.

[elizabethcog]

Consider all the responses here,all about care of others and Christ's care for us.I choose to believe people care because Jesus said we are to love. Not love if you feel loved, My emotions and ideas and mood I allow at times to tell me lies, I will pray Christopher that this passes and you might see and eventually believe in people caring for people. I too have doubts with all the evil sometimes but then God will fill my heart with compassion and true care for others,and while i may feel like an oddball,I know I am not alone and among lots of caring  folks even when my human eye clouds me "seeing" them....praying for ya and me and well all of us

[Julie Daube]

"I will, however, disagree with you as I do fail to see what evidence or proof there is that people care you speak of."

I don't want to argue either, Christopher. However, I am having a hard time understanding how you can make a statement like the one above when many people in this forum, including me, have shown you the evidence that people care. Are you not reading all of our comments? I know that sometimes in a long thread, people just scan posts and may miss some things.

In a previous post to this thread, I wrote the following:

"Despite the unjust treatment my husband and I received from some folks, we have experienced multiple outpourings of love and compassion from many others, specifically those in the Body of Christ. I could tell story after story of how God's people came to our aid during some very dark times, including during my Dad's recent health crisis. Also, at the Christian workplace where I am employed, I have seen people drop everything to pray for a coworker in need."

Did you see this before? If so, why do you keep saying that people don't care? Have I simply imagined these instances of believers coming alongside me to offer their care and support?

Also, are you aware that in the organization I work for (The Alliance), nearly 700 workers are serving in nearly 70 countries around the world, at great personal sacrifice, to ensure that lost and hurting people have access to the gospel? Isn't this evidence that at least some people care?

The following video displays the impact of 125+ years of Alliance ministries. I pray that it ministers to your spirit and helps you to see the truth that there are believers who care deeply about others, to the praise and glory of His name.

http://www.cmallianc.../?autoplay=true

[noah22x]

May I ask, do you possess and display the qualities and characteristics of the care you are seeking in others?

[CHRISTOPHER310]

@noah22x, yes you may ask that question. It is a good question. To answer, yes I do. I give of myself to others all the time. From volunteering in different areas several times a week ( more than 8 plus hours a week ), to giving needed items directly to homeless as I seem them in my daily driving, to keeping my cell and emails open to those who reach out in need of support or someone just to listen, to being the only one of 5 kids to take care of a mom who has cause all the kids alot of turmoil, to more. I am not seeking anything I know I don't already give freely to others. Real caring, no agendas or head games. Do I get that back? Maybe with strangers on line like on this site, but never ever in person with people in my personal life nor do I see much of anyone one really caring about others. You ever see a homeless person hungry? There's alot of them. You ever see how many people ignore them, avoid making eye contact with them? What if that was them and they needed someone to care about them? Why treat people like this? Even if you got no money or food to give, do you got unwanted clothing you can give or a positive word of conversation? How much of people time is wasted in front of a tv or money is waist on stupid things when time to volunteer to help others is possible. This post was never meant to be about me directly. I mistakenly allow that to happen. It was meant to be about the whole ( society ) as a whole. As such, I just don't see people really caring about eachother. I see greedy and egos hidden in unseen agendas. Sorry about the rant, but I just don't see people really caring about eachother without some greed or ego string attached, making it all fake. Not just towards me, but towards the world and society. It's so sad and hjeart breaking and yet what, if anything real, is being done to make it better?

[Julie Daube]

"You ever see a homeless person hungry? There's alot of them. You ever see how many people ignore them, avoid making eye contact with them? What if that was them and they needed someone to care about them? Why treat people like this? Even if you got no money or food to give, do you got unwanted clothing you can give or a positive word of conversation?"

My husband and I befriended a homeless man who panhandles near our local supermarket (his name is Steve). The first time I spoke to Steve, who lost his leg to diabetes, I gave him some money and offered to pray with him. He eagerly accepted the offer. After I prayed, I asked him if he knows Jesus. Steve replied, "You know, I never used to be a religious person. But ever since I started begging at this corner, so many people have stopped to talk to me about God and to pray with me - you have no idea! It's starting to make me think that maybe there is a God and that He cares about me." He also told me that a new church opened in his neighborhood and he was going to try it out. God is good, and He often demonstrates His goodness through His people. I am living proof of this!

[noah22x]

I am thankful to you, Christopher. No need to apologize. And it is heartbreaking indeed. May I ask you to meditate on the answer you gave me?

 

Father, search us through. If it pleases You, ask of us "where art thou?"

In Christ's perfection, Amen