Kevin,
I hope and pray that I might tell you something of value here, but maybe this revelation is different to different people...but I think not. When we ask the Lord to reveal Himself to us, He will. Maybe all my life I was not ready or at a point to hear what He said in answer to that question, but there came a time and a situation where I had to listen to what He had to say. It was a total shock and an experience that changed me forever.
A few years ago I was at a point of total desperation with my life and to a point that I was being crushed by situations far beyond my ability to do anything. Life simply became not worth the effort because there was no humanly way out. Let me say now that the situation was not the sudden death of my wife of 40 years on our son`s wedding day. I will say this though....had this not already have happened, her death would have destroyed me, she was the anchor of the family for years and had a very close walk with the Lord. Her walk was so close to Him that I now look back and am amazed at how I totally missed His presence in our home. Anyway, you asked, so now I`ll try to explain....
One night, late, after no sleep, I went out into our back yard because I was so troubled I simply did not know what to do(2AM). I had been a "Christian" since age 9 and I had this God and this Jesus but got no peace from either in my daily life. The walls were closing in and the deep hole I was in was filling up with me on the bottom. I considered myself a "good" man and always tried to do the right thing in everyday life, but somehow that seemed to make no difference. I lost hope and knew something was eating me from the inside, but I had no idea what it was or what I could do...except to just give up and die. Let me add here that I was a Sunday school teacher and was very active in our church at the time. At no time was I suicidal or had any wish to harm myself...I just had run out of hope. I fell on my knees and looked up into a canopy of stars that seemed to stretch from horizon to horizon, then I asked God for help. Not just the Sunday morning prayer we have all used, but a deep, soul deep, cry that was beyond any words or human language. I`m talking about a groaning, pleading, falling on your face, very, very earnest cry to the God of the universe. I was weak, unworthy, sinful, and I knew it, but I asked for His help...and asked for Him to just take me if He wouldn`t give me the help. I knew I didn`t deserve Him even looking at me, but He was the only one big enough to do what I needed done. I told Him I knew about Him and that I went to church, taught SS, and that my wife knew Him. Now I have never heard the audible voice of God(although I would really like to), but a sensation, an inner "knowing" in my soul started to talk to me..and here is what I heard. "I am glad you finally got here Charlie. I`ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. Yes, you know ABOUT me, but you don`t know ME". "I have known you forever and I love you....yes, you with all your faults and messes. Do you understand that knowing ABOUT me just won`t get it? What I have always wanted from you is a RELATIONSHIP. I want us to be close, so close that I live in you, around you, and allow you to depend upon Me. All you have to do is ask for this relationship and it is yours....better than that....it is OURS!" Now, I ask you....where do you go after a conversation such as that?? By this time I was flat on the ground and all my clothes were wet with dew. I could only muster up enough energy, guts, or what ever, to say...but I don`t deserve anything like that. The inner voice then said..."I know that better than you, but here`s the thing, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE, you can`t comprehend the enormity of My love for you. I am infinite and My love for you is infinite. Give me all this baggage, this worry, this hurt....I`ll take it all and give you a peace you cannot fathom. You can live in my Kingdom and I`ll make you my child. You can have all the benefits of being a child of mine, so if you need to discuss anything with Me, you can call Me ABBA(daddy) and I`m already there with you".
Now I could go on, but I want to ask if anyone else has had this happen? If this happened to you would it change your life? Would it open your eyes to the love God has for us? I got up off the ground about 6AM. Other things were discussed, but the post is too long already so I`ll end by saying that the love of God is real, it is huge, it is already all around us and all we need to do is to reach out, confess, repent, and ask for a relationship with God the Father. You don`t even have to ask for this relationship if you don`t understand what it is. He will offer it if you just tell Him you must have Him in your life.
The whole process of allowing this relationship to exist has already been accomplished by Jesus and His sacrifice. IT IS ALL DONE!!! There is no way we could ever do this without Jesus, but He showed us the love of the Father by doing the work that HAD to be done for us.
Does this answer your question Kevin? It is the only way I know how to answer what you asked.
A child of God due to the grace of God,
Charlie