18 replies to this topic

[Kevin Blankenship]

I think that I created a thread with this same title. So just in case I had, I simply added PART TWO to the title to distinguish them.

   There are many wonderful people of God on this forum.  I am making my appeal to you. No matter who you are. If I have offended anyone by my disdain for "alliterated sermons" or my disdain for 'organized church".....please......I apologize. It's not personal. I mean, we have never even met.  And besides, I have discovered that I am the very LAST person to be critiquing "how it's done".

   Over and over I keep saying.......that I am not seeing the fruit of God's Spirit happening, or growing, or whatever it's supposed to do, ....within me.   And almost everytime, in your kindness, one of you or several will say: Kevin......from how you write, you are surely one of God's children. Or something to that effect.

   But I can look back over my day. Hindsight is very clear.  I simply cannot see how it is even remotely possible that I can be a disciple of Jesus Christ. My heart....my WILL......is OBSESSED (at times) with my own amusement, entertainment, hobbies, etc.  Yes, I have given up the gross sins of my life. The adultery. The fornication. The drinking. The drugging. But STILL......I often think that I have only REPLACED them with my hobbies.  At night, just a quick backward glance can reveal to me where my heart is.  I simply have no assurance of my salvation and it is scaring me. Plain and simple.  I can talk a pretty good game. I reckon.  But I BEG GOD......I PLEAD with GOD ......for a clear assurance of my salvation from His Wrath. YES.......I believe that I was in Christ when He suffered on the cross. I believe that I was IN CHRIST when He was resurrected.  Just as sure as I am that I was in Adam and Eve when they sinned in the Garden, and therefore.....all mankind (me too) died (spiritually). And Jesus is called, in Scripture......the Last Adam.  

"And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit."

   But I look at my actions, and I see the fruit of a heart that is STILL trying to find satisfaction  with worldly items. THINGS. Metal detector. Air guns (the nice ones. Made in Germany).  I get totally obsessed with what I am doing and I end up spending all of the daylight hours doing it and the all of a sudden I stop and say: "How can I say that i love God?? HOW?!!!! When I give ALL of my time to selfish pursuits and only a pittance of my time in Scripture and fellowshipping with other Christians"  I even have used my mother's sickness as an excuse to avoid going and sitting alongside other's as we sing a few songs and listen to a sermon. A non challenging one at that!"   And I feel justified, sometimes. HOW? My pride tells me that those sermons I hear are so lame, so........unchallenging. My conscience begins to be on RED ALERT! RED ALERT! So....I modify my behavior. Begin praying with more earnest, Begin trying get back into the Scriptures with more fervor. Even join some Online Bible courses (of corse....THEN I can tell what few friends I have that I am pursuing courses of Study in the Bible. (yeah.....still seeking that praise which comes from man....instead of the praise that comes from God).  Then I tell my own heart: "You ain't fooling me. You are still the same. You have just learned to LOOK the part....ACT the part."  I am a hypocrite. I don't even see what value that anything that I say on this forum can possibly be because it is being belched up and out of a heart that NEEDS TRANSFORMED by God Himself. And so......I continue looking for that pearl of great price. And looking. And looking. Still the same.  But looking.  My own wretched heart is leading me towards a devil's hell!!!!!!!! And I am powerless to do a thing about it. I cry out to God.....recently with MUCH more fervor. I simply MUST have this thing!!!!!!!! But please don't be fooled by me or my words. I am still.......very much Kevin Blankenship.  The guy who, when he finds something innocent and enjoyable to do......will get so absorbed in it that it crowds out all else. Even the very duties of the solid Christian man!!!!!!!!!!! People say: "Kevin, you are doing a wonderful thing, taking care of your mother." Yes, possibly so, but it is not that much of a sacrifice for me. In fact......it sure beats a 40 hour a week factory job (and I have had many). I am not THAT noble. I wish I was. But I'm not. I'm still me. Just weak, easy to get sidetracked,.......me.

   So......there. I have said it.  A small portion of what I deal with daily. Now, would someone PLEASE!!!!! pray for me that God would intervene.  I want to know this self-less life. I want to FEEL pain when someone else is hurting and in need. And I want to be the one who WANTS.....to fill that need.  I am SO lacking. So pitifully lacking.  And before anyone jumps on here and says: "You, sir, are on your pity pot!" Maybe I am.  I am not sitting here totally miserable. All I want , ALL THAT I WANT.....is to know that God wants me. Personally. Not just 'the whole of mankind'.....but does HE want me. 

 

[Julie Daube]

Kevin, I just started reading your thread and have to reply. You wrote: "'But I look at my actions, and I see the fruit of a heart that is STILL trying to find satisfaction  with worldly items. THINGS. Metal detector. Air guns (the nice ones. Made in Germany).  I get totally obsessed with what I am doing and I end up spending all of the daylight hours doing it and the all of a sudden I stop and say: "How can I say that i love God?? HOW?!!!! When I give ALL of my time to selfish pursuits and only a pittance of my time in Scripture and fellowshipping with other Christians.'"

 

I'm sure all of us could say similar things. For me, it's shopping online for bargain clothing. Or spending four hours on the couch on Saturday watching "Friends." Or listening to Pink Floyd and other rock bands most of the afternoon on a Sunday. I could really beat myself up over that one - after all, shouldn't I be listening to hymns or worship music instead?  

 

I didn't read your post in its entirety, but the bottom line is that Jesus died to set us free. Not just from sin, but from self-condemnation, guilt, self-loathing legalism, religion and religiosity, and other things that often entrap us in more subtle ways than outright sin.

 

The Christian life is not about trying to modify our behavior or striving to be perfect - it's about trusting in Jesus. Period. I know you know that. You just need to rest in that knowledge and give yourself a break.   

 

My prayer is that you will know the truth about your freedom in Christ, and that the truth shall set you free!         

[Kenny]

Kevin

 

In the past, I really loved attending Church. That was many years ago. Since those days I have witnessed so many changes in the Church. With all the changes I have seen take place I find it increasingly difficult to worship. The one thing that seems to be a real obstacle for me is the drums which have been incorporated into the worship service. I see the drums as creating various problems for me. 1.) The drums drown out the acoustic instruments 2.) The drums drown out the voices and lyrics 3.) It means that the other instruments and voices during worship and praise time must become louder to compensate and overpower the drums and then the level of noise often gives me a headache. All I hear is the bang clash boom of the drums because everything else that I find sweet is drowned out. And BTW, I have been to other area Churches, and it's pretty much the same thing in these modern times. More, boom, clang, clash and bang.

Having said that, I do love the fellowship with the other believers each week

 

Blessings

[Big John]

Hey Kevin,

 

I have no idea where you live or anything, so I will simply say there may not be a good church in your area.  But, I do believe that what you need is a REAL church.  They are rare and few and far between.  Every christian needs a strong local church.  And yes, fellowship is fine but it is about learning Gods authority and learning to serve.  "He that would be great in Gods kingdom, must be the servant of all."

 

Its easy to be a servant to some amorphous humanity or unseen body of Christ.  It is often a lot harder to serve the person next to you in the pew or in the fellowship hall.  Churches in America tend to follow a very American formula.  We are all independent.  We know little of giving and sharing ourselves with people that we know everything about.  All of the warts and smells, etc.  And yet Jesus said that this is how they (the World) will know us.  By our love of one another.  Not our love for the unsaved.  It is the love of the brethren.  Our "brothers and sisters".  And brothers and sisters are people you share your whole life with.  Not just a couple hours on Sunday morning or evening or wednesday nights and then go home to your REAL brothers and sisters. 

 

A little radical for what I call American Churchianity these days but I hope you get my attempted point.

 

And why else do you need a REAL church.  To be lead and taught by those who have lived with God and served God for many years and have found that place of revelation and understanding.  For the reminder and the inspiration and to be provoked to drive in and move up higher.  To have higher expectations put upon you.

 

Love your questions man.  I pray for your misery to break you brother.  Read the life of Martin Luther.  You may find it relates.  Keep seeking and let it drive you to your knees.  Its the only way.

 

Big John

[elizabethcog]

Just a thought....why did God save me?or you? or any of us? I believe now that He saves us for His glory,HIS,not mine or yours or because we are so wonderful or even full of potential.I doubt God is looking around deciding about it ,as He said it is finished. He has done all the doing there is to be done. His Holy Spirit IN us man IN us...ponder that a minute if you will. I'll use myself since I'm the one here i guess.Broken filthy rag rotten no good lying adultress prideful self promoting creature.These are the attributes of old self but even though I may still be some or all of these God says I am washed clean and am being made new by THE CREATOR because His desire is for me to worship Him and tell others so more and more will praise and bow toHim and give him ALL the glory.He did not need me.If I chose(as I did) for so long not to believe God would still be God.I cannot add or take away from God.Finished is finished.He is God not me or you and I will just believe and not complicate it up like I might in some way be able to know all there is,that's cool and liberating and well freedom.Thank you precious Jesus and help us when we stumble and question Lord and get frustrated and scared,give comfort to Kevin and assurance of all your promises of who You are and who we are in you.Thank you for everything Lord,thank you over and over in Jesus sweet name I pray...amen  and Kevin I get what you are saying and at times I am there too caught up in what I want to do and I will think I better come up with something so God won't forget me and then I laugh at myself and am reminded Elizabeth quit trying to figure it all out and just be......look around while you are enjoying those toys and engage someone ,use what you like doing for God's glory whatever it is,He will bring those to you and you will answer the call I would imagine........it would be a metal detecting ministry of sorts

[Candice]

Kevin,

I believe you are going to God over and over again to be cleansed and seeking to know if you are in the faith.  Unfortunately, I can relate, but discovered lately that knowing the real thing is all that we need to do.  Like the FBI and others who determine if a bill is counterfeit. They diligently study the real thing and can quickly detect the false because of their familiarity and knowledge of the real deal.

 

There are loads of teachers, writers, etc. who preach great stuff.  I like to listen to real people talking because, I suppose, it's like fellowship when I hear and watch.  However, many of these teachers teach the truth on main points, but falter on a few minor areas. I believe that, for some of us, this "faulty info" sets up, in our minds, doubt.   Ironically, I recently watched Joseph Prince and he said that when we feel condemned (as a believer), God does not hear our prayers because we are doubting Him and His power to save from whatever is condemning us.  Maybe I misinterpreted what he said, but I don't think so.  So, even if all he preaches is pure truth and he misses the mark on this seemingly small piece, he can cause us to stumble, to doubt, to question what scripture teaches.  Is this false teaching? It's just off.   Well, I go back to the real deal - the word of God. The Bereans were in the word diligently and were commended for it.  So, I'm coming around to back to basics.  I see I'm easily swayed in small areas where maybe I haven't truly committed to Christ, and after hearing enough of the "a bit off" stuff, get to swinging in my soul all over the place.  I said in my "soul" because I believe this is what is taking over - the flesh. To me anyway, it's the opinion-oriented sermons that are screwing me up.  I'm accountable for what I hear and listen to or read. 

 

If you're on your knees, going to God for cleansing, asking Him (HIM) to show you your sins (which apparently from what you say, He has) then just stick with the real deal.  Get fellowship somewhere even if there's only a few people.  You are saved only because of what Christ did. There's change in your life...alcohol and drug free, etc.  Ask God if that was His healing.  I believe it was, but cannot know. 

 

To love others takes us getting our life from Him.  I have been swinging all over the place due to circumstances of life lately and have had to forsake all to go to Him in trust and dependence just to put Him first and let all go where He wishes.

 

Hope this helps Kevin.  I really do.

[Kevin Blankenship]

Candace, it really did. In fact, all of your heartfelt responses are a balm to the spirit.  I cannot go on every single day like this. (no, that is not a subtle hint that I want to "off" myself.....I would be too chicken).  I was out praying moments ago, walking through the 25 degree air, so clean and pure (I had my insulated overalls on...) and thinking about the weapons of our warfare. I kept thinking about the shield of faith:

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

And you know, while I was pondering that verse (it just popped into my head while I had an audience with God).....the thought occured to me that it is VERY possible that I have been trying to "quench each fiery dart of the wicked" individually: swatting at the flames for all I'm worth and just as soon as I get one put out, another one comes along and catches me in the hind leg and then I start swatting at that one....and it turns into one big confusing mess of swatting at these darts when all I had to do was to look at the Bronze Serpent.....SO TO SPEAK.......to look at Jesus, the author AND finisher of our faith.......and to realize that just a few weeks ago, I had a solid assurance that I was, indeed, included in God's Gospel plan, and that it is mine by faith. Faith. So many verses in the epistles that admonish us to LOOK UNTO JESUS.  I took my eyes of HIM and like Peter....I began sinking......but thanks to y'alls's prayers and supplications.....He reached out and grabbed me and pulled me back up out of the mire that my thought life was sinking into.  Now, I'm not real good at analogies......but I didn't really mean for what I said to be an analogy.....but a reality.  I think I'll go in here, since momma is tucked in to bed, and carry own my conversation with God.  But, in the den instead of out in the cold  dark yard.  Good night everyone.  I love you all.  Kevin

[chipped china]

Brother Kevin and et all, Why is it we humans can create so much " fluffy confusion" around doctrines of our loving omnipotent God. On e reason is the devil's tactic for lessening our effectiveness of doing God will and the other is our soul still needed to be laid down at the feet of Christ each day, moment by moment if need be. My need tactic is wearing a little rubber bracelet I received from Mike Evans with a book called Living in the FOG. (favor of God) Luke 2:52. It's a little touch stone to reminded me how I want to leave at the moment..... In the favor of God! When I take a bath or color my hair am I in the will of God? I think so. When I clean up the pee pad from my little dogs and mopping floors am I in the will of God? Again I think I am. When I sit on the toilet and start praising Him for some thing that happened this day am I in the will of God??? That one makes me think twice as if I've brought my Holy I am to a not so charming location. Frankly, if the blessing comes from my heart I tell myself he doesn't care but the other part of me says "take off your shoes you're in a holy ground" ... the presence of God.  I tend to want to meet with Him with reverence and respect, with my best clothes on so to speak. And I do think it's a model to show Him the respect and Glory He deserves. But on the other hand He knows all the icky things we have to do through out the day or plain mundane tasks that are part of living. Candice and I were just taking about this today and I think she agrees that what ever we are doing it is always a good time to talk to our Mighty Counselor, Prince of Peace.

 

As Ecclesiastics says there is a time and place for everything. Taking care of a bedridden loved one is a labor of love that has you on call 24 hours a day. So patience is needed to complete that task before taking on something else that may demand time you can't commit to right now. So that leaves moments of spare time to pursue activities that counter balance the stress of watching your mother slowly leave this life. Like you said at least you are smoking, drugging and carousing. You study, you pray, you seek God, you cry out to Him. My picture of what is happening seems perfectly normal to me. When it's time if you ask God he will give you something else to do. Maybe being a big brother and letting him enjoy some of the activities you enjoy could help shape his life while teaching him the love of Christ. Just an idea.

 

The other thing you're posts seem to show me is that your conviction of yourself seems to over shadow the love of God. We should be having a love affair with Jesus. His love should woo us to Him like no other. Maybe doing a study on love would be helpful. Jesus goes and finds his sheep when they stray. He doesn't beat them all the way home with His staff, he picks them up in His arms and carries them home. He is our best friend as well as all the Great I AM. He loves you like know one else can. As you know it's called Agape love and only God has it, the only time we see it in others in when God's agape love is flowing through someone else. It asks nothing in return without strings attached. It's long suffering and always believes the best will happen. He loves you just the way you are this very minute. Now that kind of love makes me want more. Jesus sees you better than you could even imagine you see yourself. He celebrates you and the things He wants to give you. He loves you whether you are spending time out in the woods or praying over your mama. All He needs is for you to confess you real sins and go back into His favor. Rest in Him, if you get off track He'll do something to teach you the lesson you need to learn. Have peace because I think you are living in the favor of God. It's satan who's telling you different.. in my humble opinion. love, bets

[Kevin Blankenship]

I absolutely agree, Bets. On more than one part, as well.  Let me get the small one out of the way. Many is the time that I have went to the bathroom and I am standing there, and I begin to thank God for all of His provision in my life. Mainly spiritual provision, but also food, roof, etc etc.  Then, I would pause anmd wonder if what I am doing is wrong!!!!! And why do I always remember to give God thanks while I am standing in the bathroom.

   Now, let's jump to the Love of God part. It is very likely and certainly MOST of the cause of my delimma. Now, what I am about to say might make some of you say: "Quit blaming your upbringing". But I'm still going to say it.  When I was child, I was raised in a time when the father NEVER said I LOVE YOU to the child. Or, that's the way it was in my house. I only saw my mother and father kiss ONE TIME......and it was Christmas-time and they had been in the "hard" egg-nog. (Rum-based). lol  Nevertheless, it has been a monumental thing on my part to picture a Father Who loves me. It has been SO difficult. I feel/felt that God has SO MANY people who cry out to Him day and night that how in the world can He even know that I exist, much less, LOVE me.  But I, like you, have read ll of the God Loves Us scriptures. While trying to capture this 'feeling'...or 'knowing' God's Love, I have done MANY a subject Bible study on God's Love. Trust me......MANY!!!!  And also read many books by Andrew Murray, AW Tozer, etc etc etc etc.  But it still eludes me.  Most of those saints refer to something like: "God must give us a revelation or His love to us, and when we recieve that, we are changed."  For the sake of time and words, I horribly paraphrased that.  But all of this for me, is still, much of the time, words on paper that are to be believed.  I cannot truthfully say that there have not been times when I have felt God's Love in some tangible sense of the word.  And I felt loved.  But this is where the world pursuits come in. They all but WATER THOSE EXPERIENCES DOWN!!!!!!  I am simply going to have to follow Christ's Words about how to be His disciple: "He cannot be my disciple, who does not leave/hate/deny........".   Very VERY good reply and I thank you for it Bets.     Kevin

[Candice]

Kevin, I just started reading your thread and have to reply. You wrote: "'But I look at my actions, and I see the fruit of a heart that is STILL trying to find satisfaction  with worldly items. THINGS. Metal detector. Air guns (the nice ones. Made in Germany).  I get totally obsessed with what I am doing and I end up spending all of the daylight hours doing it and the all of a sudden I stop and say: "How can I say that i love God?? HOW?!!!! When I give ALL of my time to selfish pursuits and only a pittance of my time in Scripture and fellowshipping with other Christians.'"
 
I'm sure all of us could say similar things. For me, it's shopping online for bargain clothing. Or spending four hours on the couch on Saturday watching "Friends." Or listening to Pink Floyd and other rock bands most of the afternoon on a Sunday. I could really beat myself up over that one - after all, shouldn't I be listening to hymns or worship music instead?  
 
I didn't read your post in its entirety, but the bottom line is that Jesus died to set us free. Not just from sin, but from self-condemnation, guilt, self-loathing legalism, religion and religiosity, and other things that often entrap us in more subtle ways than outright sin.
 
The Christian life is not about trying to modify our behavior or striving to be perfect - it's about trusting in Jesus. Period. I know you know that. You just need to rest in that knowledge and give yourself a break.   
 
My prayer is that you will know the truth about your freedom in Christ, and that the truth shall set you free!

Julie,
I think we can all say this. But, then again, maybe not. Maybe some have their "practical lives" all perfectly ordered so there's no chance of any outward sin manifesting. But, inwardly, there are those who are seething, have gross negativity, critical spirits and the like. I'd say this, if not repented of, is really just the same as any outward manifestation of sin.

Candice

[Candice]

Now, let's jump to the Love of God part. It is very likely and certainly MOST of the cause of my delimma. Now, what I am about to say might make some of you say: "Quit blaming your upbringing". But I'm still going to say it.  When I was child, I was raised in a time when the father NEVER said I LOVE YOU to the child. Or, that's the way it was in my house. I only saw my mother and father kiss ONE TIME......and it was Christmas-time and they had been in the "hard" egg-nog. (Rum-based). lol  Nevertheless, it has been a monumental thing on my part to picture a Father Who loves me. It has been SO difficult. I feel/felt that God has SO MANY people who cry out to Him day and night that how in the world can He even know that I exist, much less, LOVE me.

I see what you're saying here with your upbringing. I believe it takes a lifetime of overcoming some terrible parental issues. I'm not to make excuses for my sin or anything because of what I experienced as a child. But, if parents were not loving, we experienced abuse or abandonment (as is my case), we, in our souls (not a spiritual problem per se) can retain emotions and feelings of abandonment. My ideas about God (not the salvation part, etc.) are skewed by my abandonment issues of my mom having a nervous breakdown after my brother died, and her subsequent death two years later. At a very young age, this was so painful, that I repressed a lot of it to get through and have never felt at ease here on earth unless I was (before Christ) in a state of having all my fleshly needs met, including having a boyfriend, a car, a career, you name it.

The disturbances I go through? It is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. My son has had issues of depression lately and has said things like wanting to die or kill himself. This puts me right back to my childhood emotions. I go to the Lord every time I get into this fear thing. I have to go to my prayer closet (our study), read the word, pray (most often on my face) and cry out. I hate it. It's real. Maybe some don't experience this pain over and over again because their family history isn't quite so difficult. I just count it as something that keeps me on my knees. I used to avoid God because of the thinking that it's somehow my fault that someone else in my life is suffering and a bit of a punishment thing going on too. That's the Roman Catholic. But, I rebuke Satan and pray, asking the LORD to remove any hold Satan has on my past experiences and throwing it all up in the air as to cause me to spin in my flesh in order to avoid being hit by the emotional slaps. Those slaps have been frequent lately.

Let's call all of this process: "Spiritual Reparenting". I say all this of my own history (although there's more to it, like sin, etc.) so that you know you are not alone. Maybe some folks have it all together or think they do, but my hope is that we are real before God. He wants that. He doesn't want some robot. Just stay real before Him. Those who worship Him must do so in Spirit and in Truth. So, if you're in the word a reasonable amount of time so that you find yourself pondering many days on what you read, and pray about that, all may not go well in daily life, but assurance will seem much closer. Saying scriptures out loud in a prayer you develop in the word on cards helps. Apply those that seem to relate to your own personal struggles and read them frequently, especially during the downturn. It's like saving money for a rainy day. Also, I don't think we're to think of God (inadvertently and without consciousness) as a genie in a bottle. Our wishes may not come true. Bad choice of an analogy, but it was a quick one!

Amen??

[Ginger]

Candice, Amen and Amen!!!

 

Relate to you and to Kevin in so many ways.  We keep seeking God according to our personalities and are a composite of whatever we have experienced.  In the past I'd go to see a counselor, mostly for a 'check and balance' about what I had hurt feelings over or putdowns etc.  

 

When I came here I began to believe somehow the real deal with fellowship was here because some people like precious brother Kevin and precious sister Candice (and many others too) have shared the 'blood and guts' of what goes on in their minds and hearts. 

 

Tears of gratitude, and all I can do is say to the LORD, "Thank you".  All I can do is say thank you to each person who writes and sometimes when I feel like I've been so unfaithful and have no spiritual fruit that others can see then I come to the Lord Jesus, my Lord Jesus and just let it all hang out in a written piece.

 

Each piece that each person writes here generates either prayer, praise or another topical study.

 

You all are my most local church (  only a click away) and by the grace and tender mercies of God I keep on keeping on and hold fast to one thing Jesus said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you".

 

Know what it is to be left, and what it feels like to be forsaken and also have the 3 fingers pointing back at me over so very many things.  I fail continuously (don't do homemaking tasks, etc.) and apart from holding onto what has become bottom-line trying to keep my mind stayed on Jesus I just think of Jesus holding me like the little old black sheep and Jesus holds me so tenderly that for this now moment I do feel in in my spirit and in my mind and have tears of gratitude and praise HIM for giving me all that is needed.  Jesus gave me (us) Himself and never leaves us nor forsakes us ... no matter what abandonment or unresolved grief issues we may be plagued with .... one day we will see Jesus face to face is what I keep hoping for and holding onto.  AND you know the attacks that Satan can make against a weak in faith person or a person who is strong in faith.  As a person who was a Catholic, a Charismatic, and any other thing whatever I was..... Well Jesus knows each minute thought, each event, each fear, and that I don't 'feel-like' a true Christian.  (Fact [what the Scriptures say], faith [sometimes feels like so very wee faith], and feelings [feelings be the caboose) ....

 

So now what?  Thinking of my brother in Christ who has the name Kevin...  Someone said that Jesus would die for me if I were the only person on the earth.... that somehow don't make sense because the LORD made man and then he decided it wasn't good for him to be alone and made Eve....  and then came the fall and here each of us be.... in Christ by faith....

 

And thinking of Candice, Bets, Julie, Big John, John, and Radar and all the people who have posted here making a proclamation that Jesus is our Savior and today I just wonder if I can give my Lord something to smile about .... O to see Jesus smile .... Ya know he had so much to teach and so much to suffer so that each person could be HIS....

 

So how can I give HIM something to smile about?  Praise God, methinks HE just gave me something to smile about, a GodSmile.

 

I reckon that Jesus gives us a smile to smile in the midst of all our musings....  I don't know that I have this that or the other and just say, God Knows and people suppose.....

 

Well, this is a long ramble and may not make sense but GOD KNOWS....

 

Ye old tired sister being revived in spirit... though my outward body is ... well GOD KNOWS... all about all.

 

Thank you for your prayers until.... Sure hope to have a meet'n wiff ya ...

 

Christ with us.....Christ in us.... Faith, hope, love by His grace and tender mercies....

 

Amen??

Edited by Ginger, 25 January 2014 - 06:23 PM.

[Candice]

-

`

[Kevin Blankenship]

Now we are getting somewhere!!!! AMEN AND AMEN!!!!!!  Applying what we have learned from Scripture reading and reading the old saints. I have learned that I can have a head full of knowledge (and I am flattering myself somewhat, but bear with me) and still have an empty heart. My knowledge of God, of Jesus, of the Holy Spirit, and how Jesus said: "I will not leave you comfortless" should bring tears of gratitude to my heart everyday.  I have a strong feeling that my worldly pursuits (in my battle against boredom) has watered down my passion.  My passion, and my victorious feelings come in spurts.  One part of the month, I can feel so near to God as to KNOW that we are on the same wavelength...so to speak.  And then sometimes, (and I have detected a pattern) I can feel so estranged from God that it is horrible.  The pattern?  Well, here goes:  While I am having those wonderful times of victory in my spirit, and joy in my heart that I, indeed, KNOW that I am loved by God.......is exactly when I start tackling my hobbies with a renewed fervor. And for a moment, I feel absolutely NO condemnation about going out metal detecting, fishing, etyc etc etc.   But, I will do those things and let my spiritual life be left unfed.  Yes, undernourished.  And then, like the weak animal at the rear of the pack, the roaring lion, makes off with me to devour me, but God MUST be watching because He ALWAYS rescues me from the ravenous jaws of the wicked lion just in time. But I am still left feeling the rod of correction (which is ANYTHING but pleasant).  The next time that I am feeling on TOP of things, and have that very special awareness of God's Blessed Presence in my life, I shall undertake to make DOUBLE sure that I don't let that Gospel seed get trampled on, or a bird fly off with it, or for satan to take it out of my heart. (I am referring to Jesus' parable of the Sewer of Seed, of course, as I am sure that most, if not all of you are aware).

    And yes, right now, even though I am (okay I'll be totally honest) OCCASIONALLY attending church on Sunday morning, the FORUM is VERY definitely part of my, of not ALL of my....support group. Or, church.   We can gather togther on here and be as intimate about ourselves as we can be if we are drinking coffee on Sunday morning waiting on service to begin. In fact, I daresay that I can be MORE honest about myself on a forum like this. This Forum is a very valuable resource to me. Y'ALL.....are very precious to me, as I hope I am to y'all.   There is just NO time for these protracted conversations during churchtime. I have tried to bring this stuff up before while having donuts and coffee and there is simply not enough time (and possibly....willingness) to engage.  People like to keep certain parts of themselves hidden. And today's church model makes that very very possible.   But if we were all togther in a rented, or better yet, abandoned old warehouse or barn.......and someone could at least bring an accordion or harmonica. Or we could just use voices. And sing for our hearts to the Lord. And then.....EVERYONE could share.  And we could build one another up. It could be sceduled not to interfere with people's regular places of worship.  It could be sort of an......inner core......from each church......who needs a bit more.  Or who needs a place where THEIR gifts could be used to one another's good.  Oh man, I can see this happening.  I KNOW that we are not the only ones out there who are saying, as they drive home from church......or are rushing to their favorite buffet..."I KNOW that there is something more......I just KNOW it!!!!"  

    It  gripes ,e to have to say this: I was raised in a Cumberland Presbyterian church.  They go through a Pastor a year.  If the pastor preaches from the Bible, and is fundamental in his beliefs.....his time there is limited. (I know all of the deacons there and have questioned them...lol)  But now, they have a lady Pastor there and she has been to  this house ONCE in almost three years to visit momma.  ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I would NEVER darken the doors of that den of iniquity EVER!!!! They have switched over to a very very liberal doctrine.  Oh. please no......I don't mean ALL Presbyterians. I would feel right at home in one. I could even deal with their liturgical stiff.....stuff. And I know some VERY saved friends who are Presbyterian. So I am not making a wholesale accusation. But my mother grew up in that church. Tithed to it. Taught sunday school. Her mother, same thing.  There is NO valid excuse for them forgetting about momma. Or sending an occasional card. They know that momma cannot read anymore and cannot understand it even if I read it to her. But it would make her smile if they would come and visit her. (why I am eve talking about this is beyond me.). Anyway.......I love you all. That.......is a fact.

[Ginger]

Candice posted Yesterday, 08:47 PM
-

`

Candice, praying for you, your son and your husband.  Psalm 91 came to mind and other Scriptures.  Still asking for God's protection over you and your son.  Will pray and think of Jesus being our Great High Priest ever living to make intercession .... Somehow had something come over me like I do at times about my daughter and will pray accordingly for you... Praying with a 'Momma' heart.... asking for Holy Spirit .... Scripturepary/Prayscripture..... "Spiritual Re-parenting" ....  reframing: Holy Spirit Parenting....moment by moment.... birthing, nurturing, growing, sustaining, maturing, completing work done by the LORD.... not leaning to my own understanding.... going to Psalm 91 and see what the Lord wants to minister....know I don't know but GOD KNOWS ..........

(copy/pasted the above to reply: Please pray for my son Started by Candice, Jan 23 2014 01:14 PM) RE: So I could collect up like a horse (being worked and trained) to get back into stride. collect up is an old horse trainer term... hyper extended trying to mentally collect up. Got mentally strung out between two threads.... and it is good to have precious memories come to mind of long ago working with and loving horses too. Sorry for getting mentally strung out... need to train my mind.... How can I work with my mind like I worked with horses so long ago? Focus and daily practice for 20 minutes every day at a set time... Attitude Mindset: Enjoy practice training and foster habit of enjoying the Lord....well this add-on is a REMINDER Directive tailor-made for me...reckon tis straight from the Lord Himself to me with love.

Edited by Ginger, 26 January 2014 - 02:24 AM.

[chipped china]

I too feel real love for my brothers and sisters on this site. It's God's love, a pure love that only thinks and hopes for the best, for all of you. We need to take all our hurts and fears to the feet of Jesus. He called us to be His instruments and that's what sets us free. Thank you mighty God for your Power and Glory, on earth as it is in heaven.

[Kenny]

What follows is a small portion of a sermon given by Charles Spurgeon

 

Are there not some who know that they are saved beyond all doubt?” Yes, blessed be God, I hope there are many such now present. But let me tell you who these are not. These are not people who are afraid to examine themselves. If I meet any man who says, “I have no need to examine myself any more, I know I am saved, and therefore have no need to take any further care,” I would venture to say to him, “Sir, you are lost already. This strong delusion of yours has led you to believe a lie.” There are none so cautious as those who possess full assurance, and there are none who have so much holy fear of sinning against God, nor who walk so tenderly and carefully as those who possess the full assurance of faith.

 

To read the entire sermon click on link

 

http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/2012/06/11/your-own-salvation

[elizabethcog]

I love all of you here and thank God for each of you,every single day.Your words and hearts speak so to me ,as God uses this forum for His real,not man made,religion.Now we go and I pray to be a useful member of the church where God wants me to be...now just so i don't get off track again which I am prolly likely to do as soon as I start thinking it is all about me and what I want again.Dear God help me get my eyes off me,I pray this constantly and that devil knows it and Kevin describes so well how he waits to devour us...

[Kevin Blankenship]

Awesome replies.  And I MUST say that I LOVE Charles Spurgeons sermons. I have a couple of books of them here somewhere.  Kenny's post has made me want to do some bedtime reading!!!! With Pastor Spurgeon!!!!  Thanks Kenny. And thanks to all of my wonderful brothers and sisters.  By the way......y'all will be proud of me. I went to church TWICE today!!!! And I managed to make it through MOST.......of the service without fault-finding. lol (Being a fault finder is not really funny even though I put an LOL (laughing Out Loud) beside it.   The reason I did that is because I have often commented that I REALLY have to struggle with being too much of a fault finder. I mean....a wicked heart can fault with the most innocent things. But, I know it's there......so I am praying about it and trying to keep it in check.  With God's providence.   Love you all!!!!!   I don't use the word LOVE loosely flippantly either.