12 replies to this topic

[Kevin Blankenship]

I may be just feeling sorry for myself. If that is the case, then I can simply decide to STOP doing it and I will feel better. I feel so dry and far away right now. But God has tangibly anwered a prayer for me. I prayed that my worldly pursuits would lose their luster. They have lost their luster. I go metal detecting now (and I used to get SO excited about it that I would hunt for hours as long as I had someone to sit with my mother) and I just roll my eyes after fifteen minutes and go home. I try to work on and shoot my European air-rifles, that used to keep me in such ffascination, and now, I can't get the gumption up to go look at one of them. All in all, I feel as miserable as a man can feel right now (mentally)......physically, I feel great.
I am discouraged that I cannot get myself interested in the myriad of old Christian Classics and a case full of books and study guides, and two Bibles beside my sitting place....three if ya count the latest Version (International Standard Version) downloaded into my Kindle, which also has about a hundred good books loaded into it. It's not just Christian reading. I cannot even get into my latest Kindle edition of Mark Twains Complete Works.
I'm bumfuzzled. LOL. I am heeading out to jump on my zero-turn Husky mower and finish the 6 acre lot. I have a big old garden spot ploughed up so I will busy myself with that. But sisters and brothers.....please pray for me right now if you please. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am under some kind of attack or bondage or something. My faith in God is secure. I know that He hasn't left me. But it would sure help if he was to send me word that He has got his EYE on me right now. Sorry for the bummer thread but this is part of growing isn't it???Growing into the deeper life?? Well maybe it is....maybe it isn't. But life has lost it's zest for a season for sure. Oh I feel good for a minute when I go tend to my mother....but even THAT doens't seem to break-through anymore. Just bum-tuckered out. Peace. Kevin

[chipped china]

Know that you are in my prayers and this is just a season you are going through. I too asked God to take away anything that I worshipped over Him, and I went through a "dry" period with the activities that used to be a passion. I haven't lost my desire to keep learning about Him though, especially my knowledge of the old testament and our biblical history. Definitely I've gone through a transition that is helping me learn to trust HIm more, and look for the God things He puts in my path.
I am wondering if you are too isolated? Like myself I view you as an introvert which is fine but we still need other believers with a deep connection to really see the love and power of Christ working through us. I started attending a weekly women's bible study and it's helped me tremendously. The Lord gave us a desire to want to share. Perhaps my picture of you is wrong, please forgive me if it is. I just know that you've had trouble finding a church in your area that fills your needs.

I'm also curious about your bible studies with Kiononia House. I've been listening to Chuck Missler tapes and have found him very enlightening.

To Him be the Glory, your sister, Betsy

[Lori Smith]

I'm praying for you my brother.

[Kevin Blankenship]

Well, first, let me thank the both of my sisters for rushing to my aid during a time of FEELINGS of pure hopelessness. I appreciate that. I have to get to hurting pretty bad before I'll even say anything about it, and, as you notice, I had to seek help on a forum where I really don't personall iknow anyone. I mean, REALLY know them. BUT. Chipped China, what you shared has been going through my head feverishly of late: Going to Church. I will have to accept many things that I don't think are scriptural it seems. The one church that really has a good focused group of people, who do NOT focus on hair length and wearing makeup (where ladies are concerned) and who don't have a dress code (as far as both sexes are concerned, as long as modesty prevails), do NOT believe in the Triune Godhead. I talked at length with thier Pastor about it and he just said..."Kevin, don't let a small point of disagreement in doctrine rob you of fellowshipping with God's people." Ya know, I WANT to believe that...I REALLY do because 'fellowshipping with other Christians" has been weighing so hard on me lately. Maybe it's not the fact that they don't preach the Trinity, but the fact that I don't like being crammed togther with strangers. I have to do alot of soul searching.
Then, we have a multitude of Baptist and Chuches of Christ in my area. Of course, there are many doctrinal issues with the Church of Christ that I differ with, even to the point of saying "Not if they were the last group on earth!!!". And then, with the Southern Baptist churches in the area, and I have attended them all, ....all of their sermons are alliterated. Their song services are VERY much like a Gaither Homecoming with plenty of applause and the like....things I consider not fitting and proper for a Church. And by the time I get through typing all of this , I read it, and I see how I could be called: HYPER-critical. And that I am setting up a standard that no Church in my county meets, just so I can feel justified when I elect to stay at home. I have, in the past, used the valid excuse that I can find no one to sit with my mother on Sunday mornings and evenings, but now, Momma is actually quite content to sleep much of the day and she would never miss me for an hour and a half on Sunday mornings. And I am getting miserable enough to where I know no that if I don't find fellowship soon, things will worsen, and I will get desperate beyond belief, and then.....who knows.
Quite the quandary I find myslef in. What would y'all do if you coudn't find that church that comes close to believing like yourself. Although I am not a full blown, 5 point Calvinist, (as most Southern Baptist are), do I set that aside in the name of fellowship at all cost? I am willing to. Oh believe me, I am WILLING to. But I have developed my working creed over a few years of Bible reading and study of the old saints who, thankfully, left books for us to grow by. It's just plain as day. The Gospel that was preached in the 1800's and early 1900's is a far cry different than what is preached now.
Ya know, the ONLY church where I think they get it close to being right is the Mennonite (quite different from Amish) Brotherhood in my county. I have worshipped with them on numerous occasions. Their services last an exact 2 hours, with 2 sermons, some good old hymns, (although they don't use instruments, but I can live with that). I have been in MUCH prayer about this and it seems as if God simply will not give any definitive answers on this for me. Of course, I wish that he would say: "GO HERE!!!!!!" But.......well, it will be the very first verbal answer for any prayer if He answers like that.
But long story short, I have isolated long enough. I am going to do something about it. I have even prayed that God would use my house (really momma's house) since it's rather large for weekly fellowship/ Bible studies. You know, home church. I even have a piano here and a big room. I would gladly go to Lowes and buy a bunch of chairs. And I would definitely let some more seasoned Christian lead (for lack of a better word) the fledgling flock. Anyway, thanks to BOTH sisters for your feedback. They are equally valuable to me.

[Charles Miles]

Kevin,
I noticed a devotional from Tozer that speaks to your wanting direction from God about a church to attend. Tozer stated that God has already given us certain instructions.....some things he says we are to DO, some things he says we are NOT TO DO, and then those other things fall into a group that God leaves the choice up to us. As I understand it, the choices we make within that last group are ours, but God will make whatever choice we make the right one if we choose in love and submit our choice to him. Probably, if we are extremely honest, none of us believe EXACTLY all the doctrine of the church or denomination that we attend. We choose the group of believers with which we want to worship and the ones that believe have the most similar belief to ours. I will admit that not believing in the Trinity would be a hurdle for me but if that is the only difference you have with them, maybe fellowshipping with that church would be good for you. But only you can make that call.

It does seem to me that you need other believers with which to worship at this time. Maybe the group with which you worship now won`t be the group you are with at a later time, but gthe gathering together of a group of believers is important for all of us and does a lot toward strengthening our faith in the Lord. You may just have to agree to disagree about the Trinity. I have no doubt that you will find a group that worships like you desire, it just may take a while.

Your brother in Christ,

Charlie

[childofrevival]

Hi Kevin, I'll be praying for you. I remember a time when I also felt much as you have expressed. I knew the Lord hadn't left me but He had withdrawn the deep sense of His presence for 'a season'. The heavens were 'as brass above me'. Then I was led to the following: "Behold, I go forward but He is not there; and backward but I cannot perceive Him: on the left hand where He doth work but I cannot behold Him: He hideth Himself on the right hand, that I cannot see Him: But He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." (Job 23:8-10). Kevin, be thankful ("in all things") even in such times as you are presently experiencing for it is in the valleys that the river runs deepest. Keep pressing in on the Lord and His faithfulness, not looking to your own strength to get you through. Look within to see if there be anything where you are walking in disobedience to His word, deal with that and then rest in His mercy and faithfulness, with praise and thanksgiving.

Gareth

[Kevin Blankenship]

An ENORMOUS "THANKS" to all who replied. I read each reply this morning during my devotional time. One of the replies, maybe all of them, reminded me of the scripture that we all know in James chapter one. "Count it all joy, brethren..........". The trying of our faith worketh THAT which I do not have a lot of right now. And God, in His love for us, knowing the "human machine" (been reading Mere Christianity again) like HE does knows exactly what it takes to bring about the transformation that is vital.......and it seems to always be painful......but productive.
My perspective has returned. I will continue to "endure for a while" while God lovingly pares away all in me that is not good for me, or us, or Him. These replies, again, make me realize, that trying to walk the walk is only doable as a group and not as a lone straggler. "Give US thas day OUR daily bread....."
I suppose that my cross consist partly in my having to learn to enjoy being around people. I FULLY and COMPLETELY appreciate all of the replies. I pray that God will richly bless y'all today.!!!

[Candice]

Praying for you Kevin. All responses here - Amen!

[chipped china]

As we noted before, the proof that we are Christians comes not through our knowledge of Scripture, from our spiritual gifts, nor by our church attendance, but only by how much of God's Love we are sharing.

Missler, Nancy (2012-09-04). The Way of Agape: Understanding God's Love (Kindle Locations 1069-1070). The King's High Way Ministries. Kindle Edition.

This I believe is why we need fellowship. Unconditional love glorifies God and proves He lives in us. It's the key to peace, joy, and contentment

[sharontaf]

Hi Kevin, God wants us all to step out of our comfort zone, and to use our gifs and talents to serve. I've read many of your blogs, and I was clearly called to respond to this. I realize that you are serving by caring for your mom, but if you have time to "metal detect" and read lots of books, then you have time to give of yourself to either use your home or go out o teach all that you've had time to learn. I believe God used this past season to grow you in knowledge of Him, but now he's calling you to put this into action. All that we have belongs to God, we are only His stewards. This makes me think of the parable of the loaned money in Matthew 25:14-30. Read this and ask God what he wants of you. He is stirring your heart up for a reason, my brother. We are all called to share our gifts and knowledge. There are beggars waiting to be fed and a harvest waiting to be reaped. I know how difficult it is to step out, but I believe you will be unbelievably blessed when you finally do.,,,,"Then the King will say to you..."Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in..."Mt 25;34-35. God bless you Kevin. Your sister in Christ, Sharon

[radar]

Hi Kevin!

I am praying for you, especially that your faith will not fail. Satan is certainly being allowed to test you as he did Peter. “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith fail not: and when thou art converted (returned to your true self) strengthen thy brethren" .( Luke 22:31-32)

I have been where you are and understand what you are going through. Satan's biggest weapon is discouragement. I thought that since no church fit my standards of what a true church should be, I could be a "lone ranger Christian". My Pastor told me that was incorrect thinking, as we are members of Christ's Body and each beleiver has gifts and is needed in the Body to make it whole. "Not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching" (Hebrews 10:25). Weekly church attendance is in no sense “required” for believers, but someone who belongs to Christ should have a desire to worship God, receive His Word, and fellowship with other believers. I see that you do desire fellowship from what you have written.

Once I became more mature in my faith and could rightly divide the Word of Truth, I was impressed that all my excuses about not finding the exact standards in a corperate fellowship could not hold up. I found myself coming to the conclusion (or being led by God?) that if I knew the truth, I was needed as a living epistle for other belieivers and found I was honor bound to go be a part of the body (strengthen the brethren). The "church" is not perfect, but full of imperfect people. Jesus is the head of the body, perfecting all who trust and obey Him. We need each other. The idea of starting a home study shows that you are getting answers to your prayers and the conviction of the need to be around other believers. I thank God for this forum, as it has helped me tremendously in my personal walk and growth. I do not say too much on here, but was compelled to strengthen my brother as I went through the same fiery trial. The wisdom of the others who posted here was helpful to me and I hope it is helpful to you.

In closing, just remember we have the world, the flesh and the devil to overcome through Jesus Christ our Lord who reminds us we can do all things through Him. You will find that your desires are changing as God answers your prayers and honors your request to make Him your first priority. You may find as time goes on, some of your interests will come back to you in an enjoyable way, it is just the discipline of growing is tough (but needful) and strongholds must needs be broken for spirital advancment. I hope this helps, know that I am praying for you, and may the Mercy, Grace and Peace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ be muliplied unto you and yours!

[elizabethcog]

I used to drive myself crazy about the very issues you are having.....my prayer foryou has been and will be the same for myself,that i keep my eyes on Jesus the one who saves that i worship him alone in all i say and do and that i love others as i love myself. See i think one thing he has shown me is i didn't really like myself much(let alone love).Most would find this hard to believe because they would say you are so pretty and nice and giving.I found myself being so critical of others and just hating that I cant love like i am supposed to.Well i just stopped trying on my own power and i take it to him in prayer now and admit all things and cry out for a new heart a heart like Jesus and while i can take zero credit i am finding myself so different,not with out doubt and backsliding but trust and assurance that I am held as you are too,there are those right we are who need to hear about each of our stories as they are unique and designed for our growth by the master crafter. Jesus doesn't just save and move on to the next in line He is still right there,you inspire and encourage me and others in your being real,love your sister in Christ