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Rebuilding Trust.


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#1 Revdavid

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Posted 22 March 2011 - 07:12 AM

Anyone who has broken trust or had trust broken in a relationship. What steps in your experience work towards rebuilding? What do you do if the person who's trust has been broken (yours or theirs) can't or wont move towards trusting again? Scriptural help especially would be helpful to me; but also personal, practical experience too!
In Christ our Healer,
Pastor David

#2 Julie Daube

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Posted 23 March 2011 - 09:03 AM

Anyone who has broken trust or had trust broken in a relationship. What steps in your experience work towards rebuilding? What do you do if the person who's trust has been broken (yours or theirs) can't or wont move towards trusting again? Scriptural help especially would be helpful to me; but also personal, practical experience too!

I have had a lot of experience as someone whose trust has been broken. Each situation involved lies, theft, and betrayal by people whom my husband and I were helping. My thoughts here are that trust has to be earned. If someone has proven to be untrustworthy, I don't believe there is any obligation to continue to trust them. But there is an obligation to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean believing that what the person did to us was okay. I have found that forgiveness is a choice I've had to make, and sometimes I have to make that choice repeatedly. I don't know if this helps - it's pretty much off the top of my head.

#3 Revdavid

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Posted 23 March 2011 - 10:16 AM

I have had a lot of experience as someone whose trust has been broken. Each situation involved lies, theft, and betrayal by people whom my husband and I were helping. My thoughts here are that trust has to be earned. If someone has proven to be untrustworthy, I don't believe there is any obligation to continue to trust them. But there is an obligation to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean believing that what the person did to us was okay. I have found that forgiveness is a choice I've had to make, and sometimes I have to make that choice repeatedly. I don't know if this helps - it's pretty much off the top of my head.

Julie,
Thank you it helps a lot. To encourage the people who are trying to earn the trust; what would you say? It is difficult on both sides of the fence, especially if the person trying to earn the trust is sincere and walking with Christ. Though I know it is also so very difficult for the one who's trust has been violated.I'm particularly concerned with the individual who broke the trust; they might be frustrated and want to give up. Words of wisdom?
In Christ our Healer,
Pastor David

#4 Julie Daube

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Posted 23 March 2011 - 11:18 AM

Julie,
Thank you it helps a lot. To encourage the people who are trying to earn the trust; what would you say? It is difficult on both sides of the fence, especially if the person trying to earn the trust is sincere and walking with Christ. Though I know it is also so very difficult for the one who's trust has been violated.I'm particularly concerned with the individual who broke the trust; they might be frustrated and want to give up. Words of wisdom?

If there has been genuine repentance on the part of the person trying to earn (rebuild) the trust, I would encourage that individual to remember that whatever they did to violate trust, that sin is covered by the blood of Jesus. I also would encourage the person to forgive themselves (sometimes, we need to do that). If there is a way that the person can make restitution, that could go a long way in restoring the trust that was broken. But I know that isn't always possible. Probably the best way for someone to re-establish trust would be to live a life that is beyond reproach, acting with integrity in all things and therefore demonstrating that they can be trusted again. But this takes time. If the person is truly walking with the Lord, it might help to remind them that they are a new creation in Christ.

If the person who broke the trust is feeling frustrated, I wonder if that's because the one whose trust has been violated has not communicated that they have freely forgiven the person. A verse comes to mind: Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).

In a situation involving two believers, it might be helpful to go through a process of conflict resolution. Maybe they need to sit down with an unbiased intermediary to resolve the situation. A ministry such as PeacemakeR ministries might help. I think their Web site is peacemaker.net. It may have some helpful suggestions.

#5 Revdavid

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Posted 23 March 2011 - 12:38 PM

If there has been genuine repentance on the part of the person trying to earn (rebuild) the trust, I would encourage that individual to remember that whatever they did to violate trust, that sin is covered by the blood of Jesus. I also would encourage the person to forgive themselves (sometimes, we need to do that). If there is a way that the person can make restitution, that could go a long way in restoring the trust that was broken. But I know that isn't always possible. Probably the best way for someone to re-establish trust would be to live a life that is beyond reproach, acting with integrity in all things and therefore demonstrating that they can be trusted again. But this takes time. If the person is truly walking with the Lord, it might help to remind them that they are a new creation in Christ.

If the person who broke the trust is feeling frustrated, I wonder if that's because the one whose trust has been violated has not communicated that they have freely forgiven the person. A verse comes to mind: Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).

In a situation involving two believers, it might be helpful to go through a process of conflict resolution. Maybe they need to sit down with an unbiased intermediary to resolve the situation. A ministry such as PeacemakeR ministries might help. I think their Web site is peacemaker.net. It may have some helpful suggestions.

Thanks you have helped tremendously!
In Christ our Healer,
Pastor David

#6 Julie Daube

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Posted 24 March 2011 - 11:17 AM

Thanks you have helped tremendously!

You're welcome! I'm glad that God could use me to help!