I read your prayer request and can really feel for what you're going through. I see that you go to a church. May I ask if you also know Jesus personally as your Savior and Lord?
The reason I ask is that before I really gave my life to Jesus and put him first, my deepest desire was to be in a relationship with someone who would love me the way you want Marisela to love you. Just like you want more than anything else "to win the girl," I wanted more than anything to finally win a husband who would be with me forever. There were various times when I thought I had found him, only to be disappointed again and again.
Much like you, it seemed my love life was often a train wreck. I didn't date all that much before I got married, but I would often pursue relationships that weren't good for me. I confess this was because I didn't really care what God wanted for me or realize that He wanted only what was best for me. For most of my dating years, it never occurred to me to seek his will about who I dated or ask him to bring me the person he wanted me to be with . . . I knew what I wanted and refused to settle for anything else.
All of that changed when I went through the most painful breakup of my life with a person I was planning a future with. I finally realized I needed to make Jesus my first love and pursue his will for my life above everything else. I learned that I had already won the greatest prize of all—someone who loves me so much he gave up his life for me when he died on the cross for my sins.
I also learned that I don't have to be a good enough, nice enough, or generous enough person to receive all that God has for me or earn the right to be happy. A life of joy, peace, and true contentment is available to everyone who trusts Jesus as their Savior. This doesn't mean life will be perfect or we will never have problems, but we will have a friendship with the One who will never leave us or forsake us. Even better, those who trust Jesus have the assurance of being with him forever in heaven.
In His perfect timing, God did bring me a husband (his name is Alex), and we've been married for 28 years. But it hasn't always been easy, fun, or filled with starry-eyed romance. Last summer, Alex nearly died of heart failure and was in the hospital for three weeks. After he came home, I was his sole caregiver for over a month and had to do almost everything for him. It was one of the hardest times of my life, but Jesus brought me through it, and today Alex continues to recover. Our love is stronger than ever after what we've been through together.
If I've learned anything about love after all these years of marriage and walking with Jesus, it's that love is not about winning the object of our desires. It is a commitment to do everything in our power to help the one we love experience God's best for them. And the most satisfying, fulfilling love relationship we can ever have is with Jesus.
Take from this what you will, James. I hope that somehow my story helps you, and I pray that you will find in Jesus everything you ever longed for, just as I did. And I pray that if Marisela is God's best choice for you, both of you will realize that together as you seek His will for your lives.
In his grace,