11 replies to this topic

[CHRISTOPHER310]

I had asked the question of if people really do care in a previous post of mine. I gave different examples for my asking my question as well as my personal life experiences and feelings. I got so many wonderful replies and huge insights. To this I am truly grateful for.

I also got some thoughts about if I have questioned my own self and if I care? If I have gone beyond just the prejudgments towards others and looked at my own self?

To this I can truthful say yes I have. I have done this many times before I ever wrote my question or even though of it. I am huge on self accountability and self reflection. I do not lie or hide the truth or my feelings even if they are about me and in a negative light. So yes, I have questioned my own self in a very honest, open, and truth way of accountability.

I have dawn the conclusion that I am no saint of any kind. I will not dare promote myself as such. I am no better than anyone. I screw up and make mistakes. I have to apologize, and learn, and grow like anyone else has to. I can not part water or walk upon water. I am blessed if I can keep myself afloat in water beyond 10 second. I have horrible moments where I can easily be such a complete idiot and super jerk. However, I know me better than anyone else except for God. I know where my heart is and why. I know I love people in general and feel bad when they suffer. I know I have given alot so many times to those in need that I don’t personal know and never asked to be acknowledge for it. I know I have given way more to those I cared about despite my own suffering to do so or waiting to be asked. I know my heart and what my heart has done. I know I am not saint by any means. Not even close to that. I also know that I am a sinner, but no devil. I am no greater or worst than anyone.

So in my self reflection as some have brought it up for me to ask, I have and I have answered it. The life experiences I have and how they have hurt me so much in trusting people and my fears of getting too close to people ever again. I know my current life experiences and how that mimics my past experiences. I know the pain of being hurt by those closest to you who have chosen to give alot less, take alot more, and forget about you as they break your trust in them and throw you away like unwanted useless trash. I know people really don’t care and there is solid evidence of this. I know my life experiences is evidence to people not really caring and the pain that lives so strongly as a result.

                                                                  Who really cares about anyone? No one does.

                                                      Questioned asked and answered. Life goes on in such a dark place.

 

[Charles Miles]

Christopher,

 

Maybe my reply to your earlier post didn`t come out as I wanted it to.  I certainly would never have said anything in an accusing manner or implied that you had not thought through the situation completely.  If my post caused you any problem, please ignore it an forgive me.  The situation of which I spoke was an area where I was lacking in Christian life and it just caused me to stop and re-evaluate my own life in the area of compassion.  I`m sure you have reasons to feel as you do and I certainly do not question them.  Please allow me to say this...Anyone who calls themselves a disciple of our Lord, MUST care about others.  "Love one another even as I have loved you....."  Jesus even said that to be known as His, we must love each other.  Now I`ll assume that encompasses caring for others.

 

As one of the other posters wrote earlier, if you are not attending a church where people care and love one another, I certainly would start to look around for another.  I guess we will have to agree to disagree about one thing though, I just don`t see it as true that NO ONE cares.  Maybe not as many Christians care enough or show that they care, but there certainly are those who do care, because I am blessed to be in a small country church that is very, very caring and loving  .During  my recent problems of a wife`s death, heart problems, and heart surgery, I was loved and cared for by the entire church. Your post has certainly made me stop and look at my own life as it relates to caring for others.  I do see areas in which I can and will improve. 

 

Thank you for "shaking us up" about Christian love.  I am reminded of the old hymn "You will know we are Christians by our love". Some of us do love others but just have a hard time expressing it correctly, and that we must change. If nonchristians cannot see that we do love others, and love them to the point that it is noticed as different, then why would anyone even consider discussing Jesus with us?

 

Thank you again brother for pointing out an area we must all improve. May God bless you and may His love encompass you totally and daily.

 

Charlie

[elizabethcog]

Well I care .....I have struggled and come in and out of the darkest places and I can feel your hopelessness it seems and i am sad for you and have prayed for you(and forme) that devil surely knows where we are weak and tells the most coniving and seductive untruths to get us to believe him.....God has the final say though and I try to fill my mind with what He says is best,even in my at times shaky faith God is not changed and He always restores me over and over and He will you too, I will keep you in prayers....love and smiles from over the miles friend

[chipped china]

Sometimes I just count my blessings, accept the things I cannot change, and change the things I can, with His help of course. When I am lonely and need fellowship I go out and find it. That may be through volunteering somewhere or just talking to family or people in the grocery store. We are here to be the church for Jesus Christ. We are disciple passing through. This isn't our real home. 

I've been hurt so many times it's kind of taken the selfishness out of me. I don't expect anything anymore. I try to give love without strings attached. The only person I can 100% rely on is Jesus Christ Himself. His love goes wider, deeper, and higher forever!! Everyone else including myself needs forgiveness. This brings up the other side of things. People have trouble accepting love because they have been hurt too. Sometimes you have to keep showing love until they understand it's real, and from God.

 

Thanks for being so persistent and honest with us Christopher. It causes me to go deeper into understanding God's love for us and others. This is a deep valley you are going through but hang in there as the Lord will take you to the mountaintop too. In His love, betsy

[Kevin Blankenship]

Hang in there Christopher:  "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."  The very reason that I am a member of this forum is for the reasons that you listed in your first post. Even if there is not a direct, physical 'back and forth' with sisters and brothers in Christ on a forum, it has been quite satisfying to me and has more than made up for the loss of direct human interaction (which we all crave).  My anti-social nature certainly hadn't made my social life any easier. One reason that I recently joined a church. Not to "do my duty to God", but rather, to try and overcome my propensity to stay to myself.

   And what makes isolation all the more painful is that I know what it was like to be in a realtionship.......marriage.  The love I felt for my ex-wife. It gave life a whole new meaning, When I lost her (in divorce,.....irreconcilable differences) it was like a limb had been torn from my body, I just didn't know how good that I had it,  So I went bow-hunting, fishing, and other outdoor stuff, ( basically, I was just pure selfish......NOT AT ALL implying that you are......just sharing a life experience in the hopes that it will help) until I drove a wedge between her and me. Finally, I couldn't stand those horrible episodes of distance in our interactions, and so I simply started  drinking and drugging again ( this was in the mid to late 1990's) and it wasn't but a week or two after that........that I drove home to a very very empty house, I was hurt, bitter, frustrated, demoralized,,,,,,and all at myself. (For by then in my life, I realized that I would come along and sabotage my own life when things were at their best......and for the life of me....don't know why).

     But there is no way that I could know your situation and I doubt very much that they mirror yours.  But I haven't remarried or gotten seriouly involved in a relationship since then, And , well, frankly, I have gotten comfortable with it, TOO comfortable.  Now I have learned to live inside of my own heart (and yes, I even talk to myself at times now).  Getting a dog was the best thing (except, of course, encountering Jesus) that I have done in quite some time. Now, when I talk to myself, people passing by on the road will think that I am talking to him.  Again, let me stress that I don't think that your situation is like mine......I just woke up and wanted to reply with a life experience that may prove helpful. (although, after re-reading what I wrote, I'm not sire how). Nevertheless......."And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." HTH

[Meema]

Christopher,

 

Indulge me for a few minutes. Imagine I am your loving grandmother who wants nothing but the best for you and who aches all over because of your pain. Will you hear me out?

 

Satan has all manner of tricks up his evil sleeve to pull and separate us from our Source of strength so to isolate us and thus render us dysfunctional. Unlike Christ, Who has all manner of good plans and uses for us, Satan only wants us destroyed and useless. 

 

And he knows how to get this done.

 

Our most common vulnerable spot is our ego. Satan knows exactly how to zero in on our fine-tuned sense of self. And this he does at every opportunity. There is no better way to distract us and send us into a state of despair than to whisper into our psyche that we have been offended, we have been hurt, we are not loved, no one cares about us. There is nothing that makes Satan happier than to invite us into our own pity party. And if we are not constantly vigilant and aware of his tactics, we fall for it every time. Not even the most spiritually mature among us can claim that we are not still susceptible to the occasional sneak attack.

 

Do these words make you mad? Are you offended? Did a flood of reasons enter your conscious mind why you are entitled to be huddled in the corner licking your wounds?

 

If so, you have been duped by the Great Deceiver. Now, I call it out, I expose this demon and I say, be gone in Christ’s name!

 

But you have to be a participant in this process, you have a choice: hold on to it and continue to shrink and shrivel into your own puddle of pity or ...recognize it for what it is and rise up and out of it. 

 

Let me tell you about a great niece of mine. She is in her early thirties, single, a kite without a tail. She had a rough childhood, abuse, violence, dysfunction. As she was growing up she developed a defense mechanism, a hard shell that she keeps her tender self protected within. It grew thicker over time, with each disappointment, each failed try, each failed launch. I’ve always had a heart for her. I attended her birth. Over the years I have reached out to her to encourage and lend a hand up whenever possible. 

 

But even though my efforts came from my heart and mind, it wasn’t me reaching out to her. It was God using me. God wants her to let go of the past, let go of the hurts. He wants to crack the hard shell that keeps her tender id protected from the cruelties of the mean old world but also isolated and neutered. He wants her to stop hiding behind her determination that she is never wrong, that everyone hates her, that she is never going to have what she wants. God wants her to let go of her ongoing, never-ending pity party so that she can stop dwelling on what she didn’t and can’t have so that she can find out what He wants for and from her as well as what she can have.

 

But here is the kicker, dear heart, Christ takes the 999 steps but we have to take the 1. More often than not that one looks like a step over a canyon that only heightened faith can make  happen.

 

I’ve been around the block a time or three and I can tell you that, yes indeed, people are like little islands and they care when it is convenient for them. But here’s what I found out that matters way more. God cares and what I must stay focused on is pleasing Him, not people. I care about what He thinks, not what people think. In other words, it doesn’t matter, in the big picture that people don’t care. God can use everything even people not caring to squeeze us into looking to Him for our needs instead.

 

God. Does.

 

I will give you the same warning I have spoken to my niece. God cares but He won’t strive with us forever. So, here’s the hand up. Decide what you really want. Do you want to be of use to God or just another notch on Satan’s belt? Get it, or don’t. 

 

You probably didn’t want to hear this, neither did my niece, but know this, tough love is real love. It means the giver really cares. Cares for your potential for God, not just your psyche.

 

For Christ,

Meema

[Ginger]

Praise the LORD! HALLELUJAH!!!! Woopeeeee!!!!!!!! Preach it sister Meema .... Earthy, Gutlevel and Love that's tough with enough softness to be a comfy cushion... <GRIN>

 

Christopher.... remember Jacob's ladder?  And reckon he had a lot of 'stuff' to deal with too... and God changed his name (look up the meaning of Jacob and of Israel)  .... reckon for the most part I don't do anything any more so writing and praying tis bout it.  Hope y'll know it tain't meant to be jus some shiny words but maybe more like for a recipe for some spiritual ointment ... shucks may be sort of remedial or remedy like if ya take it and make it your own... ya know work it out... sort of thought of Philippians 2:12 and 13.... in the midst of me be'n wordy and edit add-ons... reckon I'll ask the dear LORD to use what will help you word wise and Word Wise... Have a wee story... Long ago when living on the farm... came in and was sort of complaining to God about not being like sister so and so and do da, do da, do da... was taking on and going on about just being Earthy and Gut Level... Welp, lo and behold I worte it vertical and thought ya can't even write it out right... Hmmmm... see a pattern...  But God had a plan for them there letters put in vertical fashion...

 

Welp here tis <and I'm a'grin'n @ cha like ya got another grandma to imagine loving you> 

E -each

A -area  

R -requires

T -truth

H -heart

Y -yielding

 

G -God

U -uses

T  -truth

 

L -live

E -each

V -value

E -eliminate

L -lies

 

Well young'n it's okay for this old lady to be earthy and gut level... and have a wee tune too

 

He is the Way, The Truth, The Life, He is The Way, The Truth, The Life, Jesus, Jesus, Precious LORD. 

 

Rise and Shine and give God the Glory.

 

Hang Tough for Jesus ... one step at a time... if ya fall down ask Him to pick ya up and go give a little one a cup of cool water in His name for His name sake... no big thing.... just one wee thing that is love... pennies in an earthen jar do add up... maybe ya been given a seed or three....

 

Love and prayers,

Ginger

 

PS: The words Earthy, Gut, Level that God had me to write vertically and gave me a word for each letter ... well reckon it sort of summarized the gospel as He wants me to live it... do I do anything to help another person... Only God KNOWS, people suppose... now I can go lay me down and rest... tis been a good night...

Edited by Ginger, 16 February 2014 - 07:36 AM.

[CHRISTOPHER310]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to care and share. I am truly blessed with all your replies and insights. I think the issue is with me rather than with anyone else. I think I may have bigger issues with being hurt and trusting than I originally thought I had. Issues that nee dto be resolved so I can heal and move on again. I just don't find anyone who I feel comfortable with enough to want to share with to the level I need to. Being in the web is easy. I can hide behind a computer screen and protect myself by signing out. Not as easy to trust and feel comfortable with people in person. Anyways, my issues seem to be more of my personal unresolved pains and fears about others than they are about others caring or not. Hmm, maybe I am finally getting a clue. I so hope all of you are doing well and things are going in the favor you wish. Thanks so much everyone. Your efforts have made a huge helpful difference to me.

[chipped china]

Praise our loving kind God for finding a way to give you some relief.

 

Psalms 138:8 The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Thy mercy O Lord endures forever, forsake not the works of thine own Hand.

[Kevin Blankenship]

When I first started posting here.......it was for pretty much the same reasons.  There was NO ONE at church, or even many of the Christian Forums that I felt very comfortable sharing with......because what I had to share about myself, I figured, would bring upon me judgement from all sides.

  For instance, I shared about a struggle that I had with "same-sex attraction" on this forum. I wrote (if I recall correctly) how appalled I was at myself for even HAVING such feelings.  And that I had had them since early childhood. (very much in spite of what most "Christians think today: that it is an acquired thing).  So, most of my life has been mainly a self-loathing that one cannot explain in mere words. I would read through the Law of Moses in the Pentatuch, and realize that I would have been stoned. But I was wrong.  I would have been stone only if I had acted out on those feelings. 

  All human beings are deviants from God's original will for man.....who is made in His Image.

 Having 'same -sex attraction' feelings only comprise a fraction.  Adulterers? They are more sociably acceptable but would have been stoned to death if caught in the act. There is a guy I know from school (and he hands out with the high society of town) is into watching ladies disrobe while he is in a discreet location. (Voyeurism?)  There is whore-mongers, whores, the list goes on and on and on and on. The vast majority of these people, whether they go to church or not, or whether they claim Christ as their own, will NEVER share that certain aspect of their personality.  For fear of being 'found out'......and then ostracised.

    Paul, when writing to the Corinthian church in First Corinthians, "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."  seemed to lump all of them together. But, thankfully, Paul said this in the next line: "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.". 

    I am not trying to guess and figure out what your point of contention is, just trying to offer a solution. Paul said nothing about "attending an "on fire" church as a way of solution to all of the deviances that he named. He simply said that we are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. I sincerely hope this helps. Because I certainly am uncomfortable about writing it. Because I want everyone to like me. But everyone ain't. Plain and simple. But Jesus DOES. Plain and simple. And He is Who matters in the long haul. Hang in there!!!!

[Kenny]

Kevin

 

I commend you for resisting the temptations that you have experienced and pray that you will continue to do so as the Holy Spirit enables you to.

 

Scripture says; 

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. - James 4:7

 

When Joseph was tempted by the wife of Potiphar, he didn't stick around to see how much temptation he could endure, instead he turned and ran. I also remind myself of that along with the next verse I am posting below each time I feel temptation come upon me

 

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Cor 10:13

 

We just need to make use of the escape route out of temptation which God provides. 

 

We need to run and get our minds on wholesome things instead of dwelling on the temptation

 

Blessings

[Kevin Blankenship]

Well, the one GOOD thing that I can see that has come from my semi-isolation from society is this......many of the elements of the the 'lust of the flesh'  either go dormant, or simply cease to exist.

  I was a married man from 1992 until 1996.  I recall vividly what it was like to look forward to coming home after work to a wife who loved me (or at least, she had me fully convinced).  The first couple of years of our marriage was pure bliss. I was gaining control of some aforementioned deviances, and I was ........how can I say it?.......FEELING LIKE A MAN!  Which was quite convenient since I am a man. In every sense of the word. But for so long, I was a fallen man. It wasn't until I truly started learning what it meant to be IN CHRIST that I truly came into true man-hood.  

    These days, my main temptations are to spend too much time in front of that ol devil-box (television). And spend far too much time on my hobbies. (metal detecting, fishing, etc etc etc....ad nauseum).  And too little time in deep and meaningful prayer and deep and meaningful study of God's Word. But, I have recognized these deficiencies (I'm fairly certain that God shown a light on them so that I would not be in the darkness) and am taking steps to organizing my life into being a man who is fully pleasing to God.  Now, there is a whole lot of stuff in those words, and it's just not practical for me to type them all out. 

    Sometime, if y'all get a chance, read about Charles Finney's conversion experience. And afterwards......his telling of his encounter with the Holy Spirit where he was so overcome with joy that he could barely contain himself. It mirrors closely Dwight Moody's encounter with the Spirit. That's sort of where I am at now. No really seeking a sign for a sign's sake. But simply, seeking as much of God's Spirit as He will allow.  I recognize now that it is my/our only hope in becoming and overcomer in this inward battle that we daily fight.  Another place that I am at, and where it is accurately spelled out, is in the first chapter of Tozer's book The Pursuit of God......in the little prayer that he prays at the end of the first chapter. I instantly identified with that prayer and I felt an instant identification with that prayer. Sorry Christopher, if I hijacked your post. I'll hush now.