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Do people really care?


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#1 CHRISTOPHER310

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Posted 14 February 2014 - 06:51 AM

No. No they don’t. It does not matter if they are believers or non believers, church attending or non church attending. Parents or non parents. It seems like it does not matter who they people are, in an over all prospective, people really don’t care about each other no matter how much they proclaim they do. They are just shiny words and nothing more. They say actions speak louder than words and to this has been proven so true. Actions speak the truth words will lie about.

Last night I went to my weekly home Bible study group. I love going and the people they are awesome in they insight and social attitudes. Less than half of our entire group showed up, but the message and insight was just as wonderful as always. We split the group up by gender for the first few minutes so the women and men can share they personal feelings privately and comfortably with each other. This actually works great. Alot better than when we use to share all as one cause there can be some uncomfortable among the mix of genders. After those few minutes, we rejoin as a whole group and get into the message and study we have plan.

I shared openly what I felt about my pending ex-church and people in general. That people simply don’t really care about each other when it comes down to it. That the words people speak are fake and only said for their own comforts and self believes. I gave a handful of examples of why I felt this way. Turns out that I was far from the only one who feels this way or is hurt by it. Others have notice this by actions they have seen from others that go completely what people say.

One example is the constant talk and push of we are better together or better united or similar words, yet the minute you leave church, almost everyone forgets everyone and has no contact with them until the next time they are at church. Life caring and family and so on is limited by the walls of church and peoples actions seem to show just this. So many I have recently talked to seem to see and feel the same thing. Like church is fake and lies as the words and actions only hold upon the time spent at church and rarely ever go beyond such things. This really seems to be the case and many agree. So why go to church anymore? Why put yourself into a hypocritical situation that is clearly hurtful?

Another example is the who ‘we are here / doing for the community ’ preaching part. Really? Are you really there for the community? To help them? Very few I have talked to see any evidence of that from the churches and their attendees. Look upon the actual church calendar and history and see what community actives and involvements really have been done and scheduled. See how much more is done with in the church itself versus outward for the community. They is a huge gap between the two. Find out how many church attendees really help them community themselves. Take it upon themselves regardless of what the church does to help out people in the community. It’s a hard find at best.

[ I am not saying no to attend church or that all churches are hypocritical or such. ] Go to church and believe. It’s all good if it works for you. What I am saying is that people really don’t care about people beyond shiny words usually only spoken in a church setting. I am saying that if believers and church show so much hypocritical attitude of caring than the rest of the world outside of believers and church show worst. Proven that people really don’t care. That the church and believers should be the one area that can show they care about each other. I am far from the only one seeing and believing this. I am far from the only one getting hurt by this and trying to change this for the better.

It is just sad that that this issue has even arisen and become an issue, especially with in church and believers.



#2 Charles Miles

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Posted 14 February 2014 - 07:53 AM

Christopher,

 

Yes, when people don`t care about others it is sad.  Those "so called Christians"...man, they are the dregs, the way they never love one another is disgraceful, I certainly don`t know why they don`t care and help each other.....................well wait, hmmmm, who are these "people who don`t care?"  Can I relate a true story from our small church?

 

Last year we had a funeral for one of our "ordinary" members, and by that I mean that she was a regular at church and Sunday School, was a "nice lady", and always had a smile for everyone, BUT she didn`t give much to the church in the way of money or time.  She wasn`t an officer, didn`t teach a class, and you would have to look hard to notice her in the congregation each week. Very pleasant but not "on fire for the Lord" was a description that could be used of her.  Well, she passed away and the funeral service was scheduled and started in the usual manner.  We all expected a nice little service for the little lady and then it would be over.  Well that was not what happened!  As the service started there were large numbers of people entering the doors that I had never seen.  Wayyyy too many to be family, because she didn`t really have much family.  People started to get up and tell what this quiet little lady had done for them, how she had changed their life, how her ministry of feeding the poor in several other communities had brought them to see how Christian love is shown, how she paid hospital bills for some, how she helped with home care for hospice patients, and on and on.  I was stunned, speechless, shocked, and yes, ashamed to the core for what I had thought in the past.  She never "honked her own horn", never sought recognition for her service, and certainly never defended herself when she probably knew what was being said about her service for the Lord.  To say the very least, Charlie got a very loud, very humbling wake up call at that service. 

 

Now you know the true story of Ms Massey and who she REALLY was.  As I looked and listened at that service, I asked myself many questions, but one of them was...Who really cares?  Who does the caring? Why on earth would I assume that lady didn`t care much? Who exactly am I to question someone else`s commitment?  Well, the answer is obvious to me, at least, so I do my very best to love others and tend to my own caring activities.  You see, I think I was the one with the caring problem, certainly not Ms Massey.  She had it right and I`m sure she is sitting with Jesus now, smiling her little smile that I saw so often, and hearing what I want to hear one day..."Well done, good and faithful servant".

 

If one is sitting in a congregation and wondering if anyone in the room cares about others, then the answer should be...YES, there is at least one here who does care....ME.

 

Christopher, this post is certainly not meant to instruct you or correct anything, just a reminder to myself about a lesson I learned a while back about my pre-judging another and then realizing just how wrong it was.  Man does not know what is in the hearts of men, only the Father knows the depths of a man`s heart.

 

In Christ`s love,

 

Charlie


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#3 Kenny

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Posted 14 February 2014 - 10:01 AM

Christopher,

 

My Church experience obviously has been quite different from the one you describe. The people at the Church I attend are some of the most caring people I know of. I don't notice any empty words where I attend. I see words put into action and people reaching out, helping each other, caring for each other, praying for each other, visiting when you're sick, sending cards, preparing meals for you when your sick, and helping you out if you are experiencing financial difficulties, etc., etc.

I could go on and on listing all the ways the people at the Church I attend care for each other, and not for each other only but they also care for and help many people who don't attend the Church as well by helping, praying, loving and providing for their needs.

 

There is also a whole lot of caring taking place behind the scenes which those who aren't paying attention will never become aware of. But get sick just once and let the Church find out and I believe you will see plenty of caring people come out of the woodwork.

 

Blessings


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#4 DonnaA

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Posted 14 February 2014 - 02:35 PM

My personal experience has been one in which others have truly been the hands and feet of our Lord towards me/my family.

 

I know that during these end times "the love of many shall grow cold" (Matthew) ... but in my life, for the most part, there are still some true saints out there, and like Charlie said, some are working behind the scenes.


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Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. 

We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; 

we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed.

~2 Corinthians 4:7-9~


#5 Julie Daube

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Posted 14 February 2014 - 04:03 PM

Christopher,

 

My Church experience obviously has been quite different from the one you describe. The people at the Church I attend are some of the most caring people I know of. I don't notice any empty words where I attend. I see words put into action and people reaching out, helping each other, caring for each other, praying for each other, visiting when you're sick, sending cards, preparing meals for you when your sick, and helping you out if you are experiencing financial difficulties, etc., etc.

I could go on and on listing all the ways the people at the Church I attend care for each other, and not for each other only but they also care for and help many people who don't attend the Church as well by helping, praying, loving and providing for their needs.

 

There is also a whole lot of caring taking place behind the scenes which those who aren't paying attention will never become aware of. But get sick just once and let the Church find out and I believe you will see plenty of caring people come out of the woodwork.

 

Blessings

Kenny, I could say the same exact things about my church. Praise the Lord for His love, demonstrated through His people!


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#6 CHRISTOPHER310

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Posted 14 February 2014 - 05:41 PM

@ Charlie Miles ~ Thank you for sharing the story of the lady and her funeral. very insightful. I am not trying to per-judge anyone. My feelings are strickly based on my first hand experiences and from similar experiences others with in my church have told me. I have done my share for my church and it seems like when I am not there or giving, I am not of valued. That hurts and is wrong in my eyes of what a church family is. More so when they promote themselves so highly as a family beyond the church walls and show very little of that.

 

@ Kenny ~ I am glad to hear that you belong to such a caring and loving church and people. That is such a huge blessing. I truly am happy for you. However, I have gotten sick before while at my church and others knew and never reached out to see how I was. Last year, I was also in a major car accident that should of took my life. People at my church found out and still, not a single person reached out to see how I was doing or if I needed anything. That has left such huge scares on me.

 

@ DonnaA ~ I have no clue to what you are trying to share. Sorry

 

@ Julie ~ You and Kenny are blessed in the churches you attend, but even behind the scenes, I know what doesn't actually happen at my church.

 

* * * My feelings I have shared here are not limited to my experiences at my church, but include experiences with friends, family, and the world as I have lived my life. If I was no longer here, I am certain that no one would care beyond any use they had of me as a tool or resource. I am a person and have value as one, but from my experiences in life, I am nothing more than a throw away-able tool and trash. * * *



#7 ADVRider

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Posted 14 February 2014 - 08:05 PM

I have had both types of experiences in church, the kind that you describe and the kind Kenny and Julie describe. I know in another thread we mentioned the isolated world we live in, and I think even Christians, unfortuneately, are not immune to the culture and the times. I believe modern society, from an anthropological point of view, is actually pretty sick. Even the rats are worn out from the rat race. But back to the church; part of what I've noticed over time in some churches is the tendency to be Christian, but not particularly human. Meaning, once converted, we are then often fed a such highly spiritual diet that we can easily forget the human side. And then it ends up being, in some cases anyway, that the expectation of a good appearance does not allow transparency and realness to be a part of our relationships. We have to look spiritual (so we think), and so we put up appearances. And so forth. I think if Christians were taught to dispense with some of these unscriptural and fleshly ways of thinking, then we could learn to be more open, and therefore natural (I don't mean carnal here) with each other. There would be less performance-based behavior, and we would learn that true spirituality has nothing to do with a lot of what we've been taught. There would be nothing to "prove," and maybe we'd learn to appreciate each other more on a human level. Since I am rambling, I'll give an example that will help. I have a good friend who I've known for about 12 years. He is a person whom the Lord has used over a fairly long period of time in what some call the power and knowledge gifts. To the degree (if you've been around this), where people wanted to follow him and even cling to in a way. But he always said to me people wanted to be around him for his gift, and he knew that. He said very few wanted to know him for who he was as a person, a human being. Which BTW, is first. Not Christian; person. So who do you think he feels appreciated by? Those who don't want anything, but to be his friend.

 

So, are there good, sincere Christians still around who truly do love and appreciate others for who they are? I believe so. But I also believe a lot of us have been taught a spirituality that values a false dichotomy between being "spiritual" and being human. We are both, and need a human touch as much as God's touch. No one here would dispute my previous sentence. But sometimes, it doesn't happen. I am hoping Christopher you can find that one good friend who loves you for who your are: Christopher. And I am hoping you can show others the way even in your heartache, by continuing to be real with them. Some may reject you because they are not ready or able to be real, but there will be a few you may help find a new freedom from performance and appearance based living.

 

I was reminded right after I posted that Jesus was called a man of sorrows, rejected and despised by men. It is interesting that the Creator of the world and the Savior of mankind would have suffered this distinction in the world. There is a path that some men will not follow, and they will despise or ignore those who do. The son of the bondwoman will always despise the sons of the freewoman. The pharisees had a religion to run, and therefore could not see who Jesus WAS. I don't say any of this to fuel any self-pity or self-righteousness that you could be tempted to entertain. I only say it to reinforce the little I said above, that true love and spirituality embraces the whole person, but that some of us struggle to know that.


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#8 Kevin Blankenship

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Posted 14 February 2014 - 11:41 PM

I have been lamenting about what Christopher shared a long time ago. I even made my feelings know to the Pastor.  As he was preaching on Sunday morning (this was a small church of about 50 people..........70 on Christmas or Easter) he said these words during his morning message:  "......and I am so thankful to you all here in the congregation for not expecting me to go visit you when you are in the hospital and sick.......so that I can work on these sermons......" Well, what he said was the straw that broke the camels back. I had already been  thinking the things that Christopher said in his first post.......about how folks....churched or unchurched.....basically didn't give a hoot about anyone but themselves. And the ONLY time we fellowshipped was when it was almost offering time and they'd crank up a Gospel song and the pastor would say "okay, it's time for everyone to get out of your seat, move around, shake hands, hug someone, balh blah blah.....".   Or sometimes, if he watched the TV preachers on TBN he would do something that I DESPISE!!!!! And that is when the preacher says: "Turn to you neighbor and say 'You look good this morning'" Or some other nonsense. That "turn around and say this or that to your neighbor" crap started in the late 80's and early 90's. Of course, being the rebel that I am, I would just look straight ahead and simply not comply. I let all of that stuff drive me out of fellowship.

   Of course, pastors would always bring up that ONE scripture about "Forsake not the assembling of yourselves........" when they wanted to put a guilt trip on ya for missing a service.

    Well, obviously, this thread struck a chord with me. Especially a few short years ago. I, woo, was wondering about if there really was any true love among the brethren. Sometime I am reminded of it when I am in my mother's bedroom, tending to her, and it dawns on me that her Pastor ( Helen) NEVER comes to visit momma. Momma taught sunday school. Was treasurer. Paid her tithes. never missed a Sunday. And only one sweet lady comes about every three months and visits momma.

    Americans are selfish. I know.......because I am one!!!! We do all that we can to not need anyone.  To be totally independent is one aspect of the American dream. And that's not good. And I'm preaching to myself.  I hope all of this was understandable because I ain't typing it again and I'm sleepy. For all I know.....this is all just a dream.


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#9 Kenny

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Posted 15 February 2014 - 04:08 AM

I have gotten sick before while at my church and others knew and never reached out to see how I was. Last year, I was also in a major car accident that should of took my life. People at my church found out and still, not a single person reached out to see how I was doing or if I needed anything. That has left such huge scares on me.

 

* * * My feelings I have shared here are not limited to my experiences at my church, but include experiences with friends, family, and the world as I have lived my life. If I was no longer here, I am certain that no one would care beyond any use they had of me as a tool or resource. I am a person and have value as one, but from my experiences in life, I am nothing more than a throw away-able tool and trash. * * *

 

 

Christopher

 

If what you say is true, then I would definitely say, it's time for you to find a new Church. 



#10 Meema

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Posted 15 February 2014 - 06:26 AM

(Revelation 2:7) He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith to the churches. To him that overcometh, to him will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the Paradise of God.  

 

John recorded Jesus’s admonitions to the seven churches of the first century. They all had things to work on. And so it goes. Organizations that call themselves ‘church’ may or may not be healthy Christ followers. Even spirit filled churches are made of people. Just people. Good ones, bad ones. People who want to worship and serve in a body of believers  as well as those who seek fellowship for their own agendas, not necessarily to serve God. People who need to be part of something, who need affirmation of their ‘goodness’. People who need a shot in the arm once a week to stay inoculated.

 

I’ve come too far, I know too much, and therefore I cannot participate in a formal church group. I can’t share because it causes blank stares and ends conversations, doing more harm than good, and so I do my worship, alms and service in private. I read in this forum and observe true fellowship that satisfies; a dynamic that’s hard to find nowadays.

 

There are good and righteous souls who gather together to serve and edify one another. There are as many groups who are nothing more than social clubs with their own built in hierarchy. Make no mistake, God knows the difference and He will sort it all out.  

 

My advice, if we aren’t happy where we are, we seek what we need somewhere else. But consider this: when we are open vessels, willing to serve, God moves us about to His good purpose.  Sometimes He puts us in a dark place to be the light. Do you visit the sick? Have you discussed forming a visiting ministry with others of like mind? 

 

We all have needs but sometimes those needs can be refocused to serve others with the same needs simply because we understand. The only thing we own in this life is our perspective and attitude. We can choose how we look at what is in front of us, how we proceed. Choose to be someone who does instead of someone who needs and suddenly you will find your need all faded away.

 

Looking outward, not inward, is the best cure for neediness. 

 

DonnaA - I understood.


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#11 CHRISTOPHER310

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Posted 15 February 2014 - 06:51 AM

@ Kenny, yes, what I said ( all of it, including the car accident and after math ) is sadly true and very hurtful. Time to move on has arrived for me. I am trying to do just this.



#12 Kenny

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Posted 15 February 2014 - 09:48 AM

@ Kenny, yes, what I said ( all of it, including the car accident and after math ) is sadly true and very hurtful. Time to move on has arrived for me. I am trying to do just this.

 

I pray that the Lord will lead and guide you to a good Bible believing Church with loving caring Spirit filled people. 

 

Blessings



#13 joannett12345

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Posted 29 June 2017 - 08:26 PM

I have been a regular attending member of my church until recently because of a personal issue which prevents me being there.  It has been 5 weeks now.

I have not received any calls, emails or any other type of communication from my church regarding my absence. We preach caring for each other, family, fellowship and of course God's word.

I am considering leaving the church for this reason because I don't feel like family anymore.  This will be hard to forget, forgive yes but forget will be very difficult for me.

Does anyone have any feedback on this concern I have and what advice for me.



#14 Tkulp

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Posted 29 June 2017 - 10:43 PM

Here are some thoughts that came to my mind as you asked for feedback and advice,   joannett12345

Proverbs 18:24 in the King James version says  "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
 
What kind of seeds have you planted, are you planting? Seeds of friendship? If you have not made friends by being friendly, than you may not have anyone that will notice.
 
From what I would consider a Deeper Life perspective, I would look to Jesus' life for my response to others actions. Jesus was here to minister, not to be ministered to. I believe that you will find the Bible says that He returned good for evil.
 
If I felt as you do, I would believe that I was being lied to by Satan. Satan would have you doubt or think the worst of everyone, including God. One of the ideas of 1 Corinthians 13 in the Living Bible is that love will expect the best of others, even when they do it wrong. Soo.... maybe all of them are having personal issues also! Have you called any of them to see how you could help them or pray for them.
 
Or... another way that the entire situation could be looked at is from the other side. They could be tempted to think that you had deserted the church. Did you call anyone to let them know you would be absent. It does not sound like you did.
 
The reason for attending church is to encourage others, one another. Hebrews 10:24-25  And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works, not abandoning our own meetings, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and even more so because you see the day drawing near.
 
To me that verse would lay the all responsibility on you. Are you considering spurring the church on to love or are you considering spurring on to division and fussing? Spurring to love comes from Christ. Spurring to division and fighting comes from Satan. Who do you want to lead you? Who do you want to follow?
 
If your focus remains on self, you are not being Christ like. If you are not being like Christ, you might want to consider who you are being like!
 
Jesus tells us that we must daily take up our cross and follow Him.
 
The cross is only a place of death. You do not sound as though you are very dead to your senses, your fleshly feelings.
 
Mark 8:34  Then Jesus called the crowd, along with his disciples, and said to them, "If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.
 
Matthew 10:38  And whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
 
I would pray that you can shut your mind to the lies of Satan, die to your old man, the self-centered way of living and begin to share and minister the true love of Christ.
 
Tkulp
 
Living Bible    1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.