6 replies to this topic

[Kevin Blankenship]

Goid has planted within us, many times, it seems, against our wishes, or rather.....against out 'make-up".....a desire to commune togther. Yet I have grown VERY lax about sharing on this Forum of forums. It's just ego. It;s that blasted ego just a tellin' me lies.
If I cannot get on this forum at least once a day and: MAYBE start a thread, and/or share in the threads that others have made.
But if I wait for the forum to go quiet before I get on here and make some long post about my latest ponderings, instead of, or rather than, posting that stuff while the board is active and everyone is participating, then I am NOT trying to build up my brother/sister!!!!! I am trying to build a reputation. Namely: MY reputation!!!! And that is one thing that a forum like this does not need nor will God tolerate (for very long) and that is one member of the body (me?) seeking to build a reputation as some spiritual giant who NEEDS to be heard to be appreciated.
Oh I am guilty as sin, there's no need to whitewash it. I'm NOT saying that every one of my posts/threads have been self-seeking/self-glorifying. But many have been. I have been going back and reading old posts. This forum 'happens' in spikes....if the activity of it's members were graphed. It will go a few days with no new post....and then everyone will post. LOL We are just human, and will be, until Jesus comes back to give us our new resurrection bodies.
But the time is short. Too short for me (or anyone else) to use our Holy forum as a place to attempt to build a reputation as a Spiritual GIANT....a very wise SAGE....etc etc ad nausem.
I need you. I need you more than I need another sermon (althoug with a forum like this, one has a captive audience). You need me. You don't my 'sagely words of wisdom'. The Holy Spirit will teach you as you peruse the Scriptures and you'll have your answer shortly.
PLEASE....NO!!!! A thousand times....NO!!!!! I do NOT mean to do it any other way than you have been doing it. I am just publicly giving my EGO that bashing and thrashing that it so richly deserves today!!!!!! That's ALL I'm doing.
(I should have titled this: "My EGO" but my ego would make sure the word "MY" is in the title!!! lol)
But the best thing for an inflated ego?? Is seeing myself in it's true light. In the LIGHT of Jesus, Who alone deserves our attention, praise, honor, glory. Also, being a part of a community. Being a member, a toe, a fibia, or tibia, or Christ's Body. And not trying to be up near the head, when my experience in Spiritual matters doesn't warrant my being much more than a big toe, or maybe a knee cap.
I would sure love to see this forum get active on a, without fail, daily basis. But only I can do my part. This is all the church that a few of us have, And the first church met DAILY!!!! Going from house to house and breaking bread. I would give ANYTHING to be able to travel back in time and set amongst the first Church members. We'd be sitting there, dipping and eating our flat bread, maybe some roasted (over a spit turned over a fireplace) lamb. Olives. And then one person would cry out: "Here comes Paul!!!!" And Paul would come in and eat with us. I'd see the bruises on his face. The limp to his walk from all of those stonings and floggings, and I would feel: " My religion, or my relationship with Jesus, or my fervor, doesn not even hold a light to this man's!!!!" But he would make me feel as an equal, none the less. He was likely a self-deprecating man. But how can I know. In what ways are a person changed when they have been caught up to the Third Heaven and seen such indesribable things!!!! Or who has met Jesus and been taught by Him, (as one born out of due season).
Wow guys and gals, I am seriously rambling now. Have a great weekend. I fully insist on it. And in spite of the unpleasant spectre of my sisters imminent Saturday Evening/Sunday Evening visit, I am going to have a fufilling weekend. Who knows, I may try to break the ice with them this weekend.

[Candice]

Kevin,

Ugh!! I just typed out about four paragraphs in response to your thread. And, then, it's just gone and then there's no retrieving it. Was it the LORD? Was it Satan wanting to keep down the open communication? I don't always know, but I'll just take this time to be more concise!

I'm interceding for your weekend with your sisters. God's perfect will be done Brother!

As you would say in the south, I'm fixin' to ramble here!! No mean spiritedness meant - my mom was a Kentucky girl - very southern lady.

With respect to posts here and time spent and lapses, who knows - hmm. I guess people just get on when they can and are led. I personally have more time this summer since I'm really just having to rehab from surgery and must be literally on ice three hours a day, do exercises and no physical work like vacuum, etc.

With respect to your post on fellowship, I guess I completely understand. I'm really down to one friend, maybe two who have not moved away in the past few years. Rural Wyoming. What can I say but transparency is nonexistent and I believe it should not be that way. I've learned through some (wee bit) of maturity to keep my problems to myself. Many people here stumble in the realm of gossip and I don't really want to cause that stumbling for others. So, details don't go past my lips much. I've no problem confessing, sharing in general and being transparent here. I just ask - does anyone really want to read it? I believe we need to know things as each believes and is led. I don't know what others' lives look like, but I know many work and probably keep busy. I know I'm open and very willing to read others' posts - their problems, issues, sin - whatever. I want to carry the burdens and it really isn't a burden.

Ego. I have developed a degree to pride (ego, as you say) about sharing and transparency due to the small town gossip here. There's the cowboy, rancher group all around who are fiercely independent, the millionaires and few celebrities, the hunter and trapper groups, then the tourists right now driving up the road to hike, climb and flyfish. Stuck on the road to town in three cattle drives in the past week. I can literally look off my deck right now and see all of this - at least 100 miles in some directions and point to all of these independent people - all known because there are so few people out here. Few believers. No - none. Ok, well some local ranchers go to cowboy church once a month to visit the "man upstairs". I've seen so much hurt and woundedness from gossip. I've experienced it some and really had to ask the LORD to take away offense. It does not appear healthy here for the most part. I am friend and neighbor to all people in my realm here, but keep all problems to myself. I divulge nothing! The churches are the worst. I'd say though that our church is not gossipy because no one cares to talk or listen!! It's a cattle herd moving in and out of the building like clockwork. However, blessings abound. Just sitting here on the deck daily, I never fail to see bald eagles, fox, coyote, osprey, falcons, snakes, tons of deer and beautiful song birds that love the John Denver I'm playing today - a treat of some secular (seemingly harmless) music from the past. I turn the music off suddenly - there's silence - then I turn it back on and the chirping starts up again! Now, I sit as thunder has rolled in and the cattle are starting to lie down to take cover and get low. I'm bored! But blessed!

Seriously, Kevin, I believe the LORD wants me to see Him, to go to him alone most of the time where I can divulge away until the cows come home (literally). I am quite sure that others here would love the time to share. Most of them probably have a healthier fellowship situation than you and me. I can totally relate, except I don't have a mother to care for 24/7 and don't know how that would be. But GOD BLESS YOU for that!

So, the forum here offers anonymity for me personally. Not sure if that's good or bad. It may be that it is just what it is as the Lord sees fit. And, I do not mean that I somehow am holy in saying that. I do my fair share of eye-rolling when no one but God is looking. Eye-rolling is grounds for discipline for my son, so I have to keep up the pretense in front of him. And it is a pretense!! He sees through it. I believe the LORD has me cornered and isolated for His purposes. I normally serve my husband with his business affairs, am keeper of the home and mother. Right now, though, recovering from surgery keeps me in a chair or at physical therapy and on ice with no ability to do much of anything. So, I have the time to read, go on this forum.

As far as topics of interest to me, I love to read the internet sites right now that I normally don't have time for; especially prophecy-related articles. Somehow the Lord keeps on my mind (or is it just MY OCD mind?) on the great delusion - the great deception. I've even begun to see that the whole UFO/alien thing is massive and I believe it is leading people to demonic. I've learned a lot sitting here!! But, people need to know that this delusion maybe quite warned of in the bible.

I'd like to meet with a handful of people for prayer and sharing. It just doesn't look like it's happening now. The one bible study I go to starts in the Fall, but always does Beth Moore, Beth Moore and Beth Moore all three sessions during the year. My church is in Revelation now which will take them two years and won't allow me to come in since they're already in session. It's really just a way to keep their exclusivity running.

Ideas for forum fellowship here:

I'd be really up for some folks on our little forum here to select a bible study or something and then maybe share our thoughts specifically like once a week or so. Or, even get a Skype-type of thing going. Although, I'm not that techno-savvy. Maybe Skype can include several people? I'll ask my 15 year-old son. He knows all that!

So, Kevin, step out in faith where you know you need and also keep up the transparency.

Love, Candice

[Candice]

"Annie's Song" by John Denver is on now. I am trying to think of the LORD as subject of this song....

[Kevin Blankenship]

Well first.....and it's a significant first (to me, and obviously to you)...I LOVE JOHN DENVER!! I was buying and listening to his 8 tracks. Then cassettes, then CD's. I can almost smell the Alpine conifers, the Blue Spruce, the Firs,.....and in the lower levels, the Aspens (in the Autumn, the trout streams, the wildlife!!!! You are living a DREAM for me, and I find myself a bit let down. It is certainly not YOUR fault.....but you caused it. But you painted a picture of reality (the long cattle drives {weirldy, I have been watching alot lately about teh Chislolm Trail, and cattle drives, and the post Civil War history of it}, the gossipy people, same here, everything you wrote about). It shattered my dream that everyone was up there in the mountains loving each other, the awe of the mountains and beauty of the landscape drawing everyone's heart God-ward. But....in reality, as long as mankind is somewhere, his sinful nature will be present there with him. The sexual deviations, the gossip, backnbiting, slander,.......it's almost as if the preacher's have fell down on their job of preaching the fiery sermons that they wasn't scared to preach in the 1800's!!!! The sheep, whether they live in the mountains, or whether they reside in New York city, need a shepherd.
I struggle most with fellowship. I am SO comfortable with only God and myself 'hanging out' so to speak. But I have been noticing something lately as I get fully burnt out on being alone. I always feel MUCH better in my inward parts when I talk to someone on the phone. Even a worldling, as long as the converstaion is just about gardening, or hunting, or especially Spiritual matters. When I get off the phone, I sit there, and I ask myslef: "Now...WHY do I suddenly feel 100% better than I did before the phone vibrated?" And I conclude that, God made us to be able to connect with others. And we feel at our potential bests when we do this. Well, I trid that by going to church, and everyone just sits there clapping on cue, sitting and standing on cue, even shaking hands on cue: Pastor says, during offering: "Okay!!!! Amen!!!! It's "fellowship time" here at Riverview Baptist. Please, all you regular members mingle about and shake hands witha stranger.! We won't them to feel welcome. Like they're at home!!" (He stands up there and DOESN'T mingle) In fact, I have talked to him when we used to go eat togther. He told me that deep down, he just wasn't a people person. I asked him why he had selected this vocation, as he WAS a song leader for the Southern Baptist Convention. He said: "I felt called by God to preach and my grandaddy was a preacher etc etc." I must ask myself...."Is what I'm doing gossipping?" Well, does anyone know his name? I bet that there is not a soul here that even knows how to get to Savannah TN (unless you rush over to Mapquest).
Now, if I was to start talking about the moderator, and saying that I caught him doing this or that and that "we need to pray for him" after I listed his sins for all to read.....like I had the inside SCOOP. THAT'S how I define gossip.
When I'm sharing, and I get specific, I know that I am among an anonymous set of Christian sisters and brothers. If I was in Wal Mart and you pased me, I doubt that you'd recognize me. (Let me clarify: I do NOT know the moderator (Marvin) and in all of his posts, I detect a man who loves Jesus....PERIOD.....nothing at all to gossip about)
Let me take this time to become a bit more transparent: Perhaps I have painted myself out to be....more of an anti-social loner. And indeed, there is a part of me (and not a good part, I think) that really does avoid group settings. BUT, when I am at Wal Mart, or even church, I am usually out-going, smiling, laughing, cutting up (within guidelines of Biblical propriety). I enjoy hugging. In the correct context. I LONG DEEPLY for a church (that I have designed in my mind, having read and re-read the Scriptures and have formed some idea of what it should be like, in the 21st century). And I must say, that Tozer's idea of church is what I look for today. And THAT makes perfect sense in light of the fact that I place alot of stock in what he says. Even though his family life was said to be sorely lacking.
I think that I have veered so far off of topic by now that I'll just shut up. But I WILL say this...in response to what you said about 'gossiping'. Yes, I could get dangerously close to it. And I have even indulged in it. (And other sins as well, since being converted to Christianity). But I spot it (thanks to the conviction of the Spirit) and try to correct it (with the help given by the Spirit).
Cabdace...it might sound like I am "taking issue" with the gossip comments. But that is my sinful nature just trying to defend itself. Pay no mind to it. My sinful nature (which is supposed to have died with Christ on the cross) continues to attempt to manifest it's-SELF whenever it can get a word/action in edge-ways. Be completely honest with ya: I don't know but what the 'sinful nature' has had more to say in this post than the Spirit of God. And that's the cross I carry as I attempt to carry this thing until Christ comes. Sorry to every one else if none of this makes sense. I need to think stuff through before "blabbin".

[Charles Miles]

Candice and Kevin,

I read with interest your posts above and understand where you both are, because I have been there. For some reason I find myself walking back through that same area time and again, but haven`t been through it again in almost 2 years now. I craved christian associations and friends that know the Lord and have a relationship with Him. I found a men`s bible study group that meets at our church every Wed morning 6:00 AM attended by 20-25 men and a few women. We are a mixed denomination group ranging from Catholic to Pentacostal with mixed in Southern Baptists and other protestant denominations. I would have to say that this is a wonderful group and the one factor common to everyone there is that they have a relationship with the Father and are earnestly seeking to learn more about Him. I am indeed a blessed man who loves his church home and has acess to a great christian bible study group that has wonderful discussion sessions that involve scripture and practical life applications. Yes, life`s process has valleys and mountain tops. Just so happens that I am pretty high up on the mountaintop and feeling good these days, but I can remember not too long ago that I was in a valley so deep I thought I would never ever see light again. As I remember the terrible dark days, I understand now that deep valleys have a purpose....that is where we learn and grow. Or at least that is where I was pushed to return to the Word in almost a despirate search for meaning and purpose for my life. Very scary and absolutely no fun at the time, but I guess when one is as hard-headed as I was, the 2x4 between the eyes is simply a wake-up call. Like you said of yourself Kevin, I`m no sait and I am ashamed of the wasted time in my life spent on worry and useless stuff. Can`t go back and correct all that....Wait a minute...God said He would remember all that stuff NO MORE!! That must give me a clean slate to start over as a new creature in Christ, repent, turn around, and maybe show a few others that I have changed what I call worthwhile in life.

Candice and Kevin....you are both in an exciting place to be ansd the Lord has something special for you both. I don`t know either of you personally(but I do know how to get to Suvanna, Tenn Kevin) but I think I know your hearts, and you both bless people. I think that is what Jesus asked us to do? "Love one another, even as I have loved you. Love one another." May God bless you both....He has said He would and I believe Him.

Oh, BTW, if you are looking for someone to pray for, would you ask for a little heart healing for an old country doctor in West Point, MS. I had a cardiac procedure last week that didn`t work, so we go back later this month for a more extensive procedure. I have turned it over to the Lord and he will see me through, but a prayer from you would bless me.

In Christ,

Charlie

[Candice]

Oh, BTW, if you are looking for someone to pray for, would you ask for a little heart healing for an old country doctor in West Point, MS. I had a cardiac procedure last week that didn`t work, so we go back later this month for a more extensive procedure. I have turned it over to the Lord and he will see me through, but a prayer from you would bless me.

In Christ,
Dear Charlie

Charlie, You are in my PRAYERS. This is serious - I mean it's your heart here we're talking about! I will email you. Do you have help at home, etc.?? Am praying for the very best outcome with the Lord's supernatural intervention. Be well Charlie!

[Kevin Blankenship]

Yes, Charles, prayers are being sent and going to be sent some more. You have just earned you a place on my computer screen in the form of a sticky note. I have been making myslef keep my word, that when I tell someone that I will "keep them in prayer"....I DO!!!!!! It's not always been that way. Wow, my daddy was a country doctor here in Savannah. I have went out into the county with him into remote areas when I was a wee lad, and before there was bridges over many of the branches, and he'd have to ford many of the creeks in his Ford (Mustang....he was red headed and enjoyed the feeling of horsepower under the hood. It was stock, non-modded, off the factroy floor) and he go to a house that had no power going to it (that I could see) and he would deliver a baby. HOW MANY TIMES has people came up to me, that were older than me, and some around my age, that would say: "Your daddy delivered me!!!" And of course, always the comedian, I'd say: "Well, hon....nobody's perfect." Then we'd laugh. I still have that problem of trying to get a laugh out of everyone. My ego LOVES it. And I don't mind it so much myself....if it brings some sinless pleasure to that person. And me. Back on topic: Yes Charlie....you got it my dear brother!!!!! I am writing your name on a tab NOW, before I send this mssge, Candace, you are still up there.