25 replies to this topic

[Kevin Blankenship]

A definition from Wikipedia:
[Scrupulosity is a psychological disorder characterized by pathological guilt about moral or religious issues. It is personally distressing, objectively dysfunctional, and often accompanied by significant impairment in social functioning.^[1] It is typically conceptualized as a moral or religious form of obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD),^[2] although this categorization is empirically disputable.^[1]
The term is derived from the Latin scrupulum, a sharp stone, implying a stabbing pain on the conscience.^[1] Scrupulosity was formerly called scruples in religious contexts, but the word scruples now commonly refers to a troubling of the conscience rather than to the disorder.
As a personality trait, scrupulosity is a recognized diagnostic criterion for obsessive–compulsive personality disorder.^[3] It is sometimes called "scrupulousness," but that word properly applies to the positive trait of having scruples.]
From this definition, it would seem that it is not a good thing to have. It seems to be a fretting over every single thing that a Christian does, and whether it is a sin, or a non-sin, or a gray area. In short, it appears to be a form of legalism. I am not saying that the Wiki-definition is the FINAL WORD in this matter. Indeed, there are Spirit-filled Christians (I believe) that could better define and apply it to the life of a young Christian such as myself. I stated the other day that I tend to live a Performance-based religion.....always worried if I am doing enough, reading enough, praying enough.
As I journey onward towards the ideal that I have in my head of a Victorious, Spirit-filled, Christian, I feel that perhaps scrupulosity has been a large stumbling stone for me. And I must admit that within my personal creed, which is not yet settled, I am torn between the idea of Entire Sanctification (where scrupulosity will no more plague me) to the idea of a Loving Father who has 'factored in' the fact that I will stumble along the way (tripping in a hole in the yard, that my Golden Retriever so often digs, while walking and blurting out a cuss word and quickly asking forgiveness)
I have long held that I am 'not all there' so part of me embraces the Wiki-definition as being a very accurate diagnoses of my woes.
And then I reason that perhaps GRACE is being hidden from me because I simply am not numbered with the elect. Jesus said: "Many will TRY to enter but cannot" (Luke 13:24) This is another one of those scriptures that cause me to get a hard lump in my throat. "Many will try to enter, but cannot" along with "Many are called, but FEW are chosen" (emphasis mine) are scriptures that seemj to support my morbid theory that maybe I am noamong the elect. I TRULY wish that the doctrine of Predestination had never been invented. It ALWAYS seems to hinder. Never help. I mean no disrespect to the Reformed brethren and sisters. It's just that I find it exceedingly difficult to achieve that Blessed Assurance with so many scriptures to the contrary. Please don't get me wrong. There is nothing I want MORE than to KNOW than my name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life!!!
The other night, my frustration had built to the point where, when praying, I said to God, with respect: God!!! This has been a one sided conversation EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past seven years of fairly steady praying and trying to live the way that I read that a Christian is supposed to live!!!! But me heart STILL seems harder than most. My thoughts STILL wander. I still find it impossible to love God with ALL of my heart, All of soul, All of my mind, and All of my strength. Please God....throw me a bone here!!!!!! I simply MUST know if my name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life and I simply MUST have the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Oh God....why would you withhold from me the very One who could help me? Please forgive my disrespect, Oh Lord, but I am extremely frustrated!!!!! I then waited to hear from God. ..............NOTHING. As you can tell, I am smack dab in the middle of a crisis of sorts. If I discover that I am not among the elect.....I could see no more reason for existing. No...I am too cowardly to kill myself. But my reasoning would be, if I could, "Let's just get the Hellish suffering started....no sense living on this evil globe for 70 or 80 years just to be tossed into outer darkness when I take that last breath. But if there is a hope at all of me finding that Pearl of Great Price.....I will continue looking. Prayers please. Seriously. And thank you. (I'm fairly certain that many of you think that I'm a nut by now, and that is okay. I concur with you opinion.

[elizabethcog]

You pouring out your heart to God he hears and will not ignore,I can relate in some ways to your struggles,it is easy for me to say well just rest in Jesus and trust in him and seek his guidance through the word and other believers.....all good advice yes but if you have a heart of ice (no,I don't think you do AT ALL) no human can melt it with words of advice friend.Remember with God ALL things are possible,He wants ALL to hear,sure not all will but from my little earthly ears I sure hear your honest plea to Jesus so..........keep praying for me and I am praying for you brother and friend in Christ,Elizabeth

[Lori Smith]

Kevin,

I was so much like you at one time. I obsessed about perfection. Then the Lord took me by the hand and taught me about grace. However, I still fall into this pattern so easily if I: 1) Go to a legalistic church, or 2) Go to a church that I think is too licentious. Either way, I panic because I don't want to fail God. Jesus always brings me back to grace. I also find that by staying close to Him, and by reading the Bible with Him as my primary teacher that I do fine. I usually get off balance when I start trying to please a pastor. That happens because pastors are human, and they can't meet the perfect Holy Spirit who meets with me. I think the answer is to rely on God's faithfulness, rather than on human frailty. God promises to save those who come to Him. That would be true whether you are an Arminian or Calvinist. God is faithful, and He is good.

Blessings,
Lori

[elizabethcog]

Good solid reminder Lori,that we follow Jesus not man and we do that by faith and his grace=)

[chipped china]

Oh Kevin, I too have been tossed around with the waves of feeling I'm not good enough to come before my King and Savior. It seemed like every thought I had was centered from myself, my needs, my wants. And the Lord kept showing them to me. I felt so defeated until I realized that recognizing this condition is the first first step of coming out of the world and into His Kingdom. And then I realized it's not the things or acts that I do out of obligation or duty. They will count for nothing at judgement time. It's the things that Christ does through us that holds the eternal value. It's not that I volunteer at the Food Bank, it's the down and out woman who I gave a big hug to. It was Christ's love she received not mine.

As for knowing if you are one of the sheep:
1 John 5: That You May Know
13 I write fthese things to you who gbelieve in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.

If your eyes and ears have been opened to hearing God Word, if you have a deep thankfulness for what you have now compared to what you had before you knew him, and if you realize that what the Lord did for you was a gift white and clean without strings attached: then you know even through you frailty and failures that you are firmly in His Hand and no one can snatch you away. The Holy Spirit indwells in you all the time whether you feel him or not. And when you are relaxed and feeling thankful He can work through you and then you can say. hey, that was just a God thing that just happened. Too me they are the best.

Don't let Satan play with your mind. If you have to, rebuke him out loud in Jesus's name. It's worked for me. I think there will be a general consensus with others here about your threads definitively having the aroma of Jesus. And next time you go through one of these thought processes start singing praises to the Lord. You don't have to conquer the world, just do the next task before you. Remember, no act of kindness is wasted. I'll pray for strength with your mom. In God's Love, Betsy

[Lori Smith]

Kevin,

I thought I would add something the Lord has been showing me, for I think it speaks to your frustration. The Protestant Reformation was birthed in response to the corruption and false teaching that existed in the church. Indeed, emperors and popes fought for power and developed teachings that suited their own unscrupulous needs.

Then Martin Luther, an Augustinian monk, after struggling for a long time with his own sinfulness, discovered through revelation--justification through faith. This teaching challenged the powerful and they wanted to kill him. However, many also grabbed a hold of Luther's teaching and many were set free. Unfortunately there was another unforeseen consequence--the Reformers embraced Scripture (which was great), but they also preached doctrine and began to ignore Jesus. What I mean is that doctrine became the primary focus.

The Lord corrects this in my own life by redirecting my focus to Him. Symbolically it's like this: I have both the oil of the Holy Spirit, and I also have Jesus Who is the flame (Light of the World). Certainly correct doctrine is important, but without a walking, breathing relationship with the Triune God we end up feeling empty. But God in all of His fullness reigns in our hearts when we have the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, and when Jesus is a lit flame (our focus is upon HIm) lighting our hearts. Hope this makes sense.

Blessings,
Lori

[seeking grace]

As I read such great advice & wise observations, to Kevin's original post, I was blessed by the strength of the faith of those responding. Thank you!
And to Kevin, quite simply, the evil one has you imprisoned in a tempestuos love affair with your feelings.
It could also be called, "pride" as your concern is all about you. satan has you tricked into believing that it's a good thing to be concerned about your worthiness as a Christian. But, no, it isnt.
Your eyes are on yourself when you're focused on your worthiness, or supposed lack thereof.
And as long as your focus is on ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING at all, other than the grace of God through Jesus His son, satan wins. Because he knows that when your focus is entirely on Christ, His sufficiency fills you up and there are NO doubts, worries, or feelings of unworthiness about anything. Just that awesome peace, that truly does defy any human understanding.
Gods blessings as you continue this journey. God is so good!
Susan

[Lori Smith]

Susan,

Indeed, we aren't worthy, but we are WORTH much. Our value is seen upon the cross, for that is the price Jesus was willing to pay for us. Now, clothed in His righteousness, we are both loved and fully justified by grace. Certainly, you can argue that it is our pride that causes us to try to earn our salvation. But, I don't quite agree; instead, I believe it's sometimes hard to grasp that God could love us as much as He does without strings. But He does because He is so very good.

Shalom,
Lori

[Kevin Blankenship]

Your eyes are on yourself

I receive this as wisdom from the Lord. I have long held that I am chronically selfish. I have also long held that it is exceedingly difficult to escape this mindset. But perhaps this post will make me dig in deeper with trusting God to help me to be divorced from myself. "I can do all things through Christ with strengtheneth me." I am determined to be free from this malady of self-centeredness. Thank you for your candidness.

[chipped china]

The self-centered thing was a hard one for me to handle too. God gave us a soul too and through it we think we have to supply our earthly needs. It's true we have to gather our food, find shelter, look somewhat to our future needs. When we come out of this world all those things are given less of a priority because our faith deepens and our desires change. When we are focused on Christ and know that He is in control then eternity with our Awesome Loving God is our ultimate goal, our hearts desire. For me to know that there will be no more tears or sin, and that learning more about God and feeling His Love.... enjoying the New Earth... I can make it through anything. I have the deepest gratitude that I was first loved by God, He opened my eyes as He has yours!!!!! Rejoice that you realize you are a sinner and laid your life before Him. Jesus is the only one who can reconcile us to Himself. And the more you know and trust Him it will get harder and harder to sin against Him. The key for me is to be in the Word of God everyday and talk to Him often.

I'm in a trial right now. My sister's husband, only in his 60's died yesterday of prostate cancer. He was a warrior for God, loved by many. I talked with my sister briefly last night and there is a piece of her missing. It really hit me hard. Yea, me me me. I was up all night just asking God what to do, trying to understand why, trying to trust Him but never getting real peace. But I know it will come and He will teach us all more about His wisdom and why all things work for the good of those who love Him.

I watched a movie on Netflix called The Daniel Project. If you want to learn more about prophesy and come out of the world some more watch it.

God Bless, bets

[Charles Miles]

Wow. I am continually amazed with the wisdom and advice I read on this forum. I too strugged with the me, me, me in my life for years until an experience that cleared my mind. When one desires a relationship with the Father, and really wants it bad, the relationship will happen. God will enter your life in some fashion and the opportunity for a close relationship will present itsself. In my case, I was told this relationship might have happened earlier if I had just gotten out of the way. As strange as it may seem when we seek God, He is the aggressor, the seeker, the One looking for us, and we are simply respopnding to a call deep within us. God has always been the seeker....Adam (after the fall) didn`t ask God "where are you", God asked..."where are you Adam?". God seeks men...Noah, Moses, Gideon, David, Soloman, Paul, etc, etc. All we need to do is get"me" out of the way and respond to the call...."where are you?". God knows where we are, but maybe we don`t know where WE are.

[Lori Smith]

Charles I love your answer. Maybe you know who made the statement, "When we begin to pursue God, we end up discovering that it has been God Who has been pursuing us." Tozer always writes about the divine love affair between God and men, and I love him for it. Some day I'll give Tozer a big hug and thank him for blessing my life so much.

[seeking grace]

Loved those responses! It's so encouraging to be "with" God's people seeking His truth. And just to let you, Kevin, know that my comments to you don't come from an attitude of self righteousness or a sense that i don't continue to struggle with the same issue on occasion.
They come from one who has been broken. And it took God a while to get me to completely relent to not just giving up complete control, but then the next layer was peeled away to brutally sho me, i never HAD the controls to give Him. How prideful! I just WANTED the controls & kept interfering with His plans.
Hand in hand with pride is the condition of "unbelief". As one said above, " I believe it's sometimes hard to grasp that God could love us as much as He does without strings". We like to tell ourselves that type of talk is humility. No, it isn't. It's prideful arrogance to tell God what He is and isn't capable of. We either believe Him or we don't. Again, that was a difficult concept for me to get past too. God help us in our unbelief! The evil one gets more clever and more subtle at diverting our attention off of God, as we draw closer to Him. God bless us with His wisdom to always be on the lookout for His truth - in doing so, the schemes of the devil become blatantly more clear.

[seeking grace]

Loved those responses! It's so encouraging to be "with" God's people seeking His truth. And just to let you, Kevin, know that my comments to you don't come from an attitude of self righteousness or a sense that i don't continue to struggle with the same issue on occasion.
They come from one who has been broken. And it took God a while to get me to completely relent to not just giving up complete control, but then the next layer was peeled away to brutally sho me, i never HAD the controls to give Him. How prideful! I just WANTED the controls & kept interfering with His plans.
Hand in hand with pride is the condition of "unbelief". As one said above, " I believe it's sometimes hard to grasp that God could love us as much as He does without strings". We like to tell ourselves that type of talk is humility. No, it isn't. It's prideful arrogance to tell God what He is and isn't capable of. We either believe Him or we don't. Again, that was a difficult concept for me to get past too. God help us in our unbelief! The evil one gets more clever and more subtle at diverting our attention off of God, as we draw closer to Him. God bless us with His wisdom to always be on the lookout for His truth - in doing so, the schemes of the devil become blatantly more clear.

[Julie Daube]

I see there have been some great responses here already, but I wanted to add one thing: What Wikipedia describes as "scrupulosity" sounds a lot like a spiritual stronghold which some believers have identified as "the spirit of religion." It is actually a demonic counterfiet of the Holy Spirit. I read an excellent book on the subject a couple of years ago and saw that the religious spirit has been a stronghold in my own life. Thankfully, God has been giving me victory in this area. Praise His holy name!

The following link I found is an excellent summary of this stronghold and how it afflicts believers:

http://www.christian...ghts-spirit-god

Kevin, if this is a stronghold in your life, I pray that the Lord will deliver you and give you victory.

[Lori Smith]

I'm sorry seeking grace if you have misunderstood the position of my heart. Indeed, I did not pridefully doubt God through unbelief. No, I actually believed that God loved us until I went to a holiness church. Then I began to doubt God's love because I had been told that I was unworthy to receive it. Jesus was gracious enough to correct the lies I had been told. There are also others who doubt God's love because they have been told that they are not worth anything. But we ARE worth something because we are made in God's image. God made men, and when they fell, He believed we were worth dying for. That's something Tozer teaches quite well. Perhaps you might enjoy reading some of his books!

Blessings,
Lori

[Candice]

Kevin,
I see you live in Savannah, TN. There is a Calvary Chapel in Jackson. Can you get there? I don't know anything about it, but Calvary Chapels, although each independent from one another, are awesome churches in general and follow a very scriptural structure of governance, encourage being Bereans, inductively study scripture and are usually spot on that Christ is the life. You can go to a Calvary Chapel website and see. I don't know if Jackson is too far for you, but I know I'd drive a ways to get to a good church. I live way too far from anything. I've considered an hour drive, but we have mountain pass to cover and it's very dangerous in winter, so we'd be missing church too much. Calvary Chapels are usually fine churches. But, no guarantees.
Hopeful for you to find a church,
Candice

[Candice]

Hey Kevin, also check out this website for a Calvary Chapel in Barlett...too far? They have podcasts too so you can listen before trying
http://calvarychapel...m/visit_us.html

I'd even call some churches and tell them what you are seeking. You can tell by responses. Although, this may not necessarily be what the Holy Spirit is leading you to do.

Candice

[Candice]

Kevin,
Never mind; the Calvary church in Jackson isn't "Calvary Chapel". Looks kinda yucky!

[Kevin Blankenship]

I was a member of a Calvary Chapel of Murfreesboro Tennessee when I lived in that city. They came really close to what I love in a church. And they preached the Bible verse by verse, from start to end, and then started over. Plus, it was a really neat and loving group of believers. I had forgot about the Calvary Chapel denomination. I think that Greg Laurie belongs to a Calvary Chapel in California, I think. I like their style.
EDIT: I just went and read the Calvary Church in Jackson Tennessee's Statement of Faith. I wholeheartedly disagree with their "Oneness" doctrine. But I knew what it was going to say when I saw the picture of the pastor's wife's hair-do. Clearly a Oneness (non-Trinitarian) church........and hairdo. (This would be kinda funny if you lived in the South where I do and know about the MANY Oneness churches that dot the landscape. I mean no ill-will. But I wholeheartedly believe in the Triune Godhead.