16 replies to this topic

[Kevin Blankenship]

A typical morning for me before today: Wake up. Use bathroom. Go to kitchen and flick on Kurek coffee machine. Warm up donuts and pour glass of orange juice. I carry my OJ and donuts (or toaster pastry etc etc) to the computer. Turn it on. Check emails while coffee is making. (At any point during all of this I will run down to my mother's bedroom and check on her. If she has been incontinent while asleep, I will lean her up and change her into a new hospital gown. Sometimes I have to redress her bedsore on her tailbone. It has been debrided by a surgeon several times but is starting to heal.)
When she has been properly cared for, I go back to the computer and check a couple of metal detecting sites, a couple of hunting sites, and Facebook. At any point during all of this I will click on Tozer's Devotional and read it. I will then go back to the websites (hunting/metal detecting) that really interest me when I am sleepy. When I am wide awake, i will sometimes go outdoors and pray. But most earnest praying is done during my night walks, when all of my obligations are finished. Okay...this is a honest and accurate portrayal of my mornings. In other words.....devotional time with the Lord has NOT been a FIRST priority. Leading me to assume that "what is most important to a person is what they find themselves thinking about when they first wake up". And all too often, my first thoughts are: What fun thing am I going to do today when my morning obligations are fulfilled.
I think that I have pinpointed the problem. The Holy Spirit, through King David, said: Early in the morning will I rise up and seek thee. Yes, I know some Bible, and yet I don't practice what i know to be true. Also, Jesus teaches his (us) disciples to pray: Give us THIS DAY our daily bread. (emphasis is mine). This leads me to a question: The prayer that Jesus taught the disciples....Is it meant to be a morning prayer??? Or a "when the day begins" prayer??? The Jewish day begins at sundown, if my facts are straight.
My main question is this: How do my sisters and brothers of this Faith start their day??? I feel that I am talking to believer's who are seek to attain a deeper walk of faith than the normal, run of the mill, "do my devotions so that I don't feel lousy the rest of the day", nominal, Christians. (Which is exactly what I described myself as being in the first few sentences of this thread.
C.S. Lewis, when addressing just this, talked about a person's thoughts racing towards him like a pack of wild horses, when the person first wakes up. This sounds like me. But if I love God with ALL of my heart, MIND, soul, and strength, like I am commanded to do, then I break that commandment everyday. Please understand that I am not all crestfallen as I write this. Actually, I began my day today, AS IF I loved God with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength. But sometimes, I just don't FEEL the love towards God. This troubles me. But I am bound and determined to be transformed and become more loving towards God and towards my fellow man. But I have kind of a cool disposition and that makes living out the Gospel exceedingly difficult. Perhaps God has not yet "shed abroad in my heart that love by the Holy Spirit". I am willing to accept that my conversion is not complete due to my lack of willingness. But today, I started my day AS IF I was as devoted as any other soul. Please feel free to share if you wish. But where is there a better place to share these type feelings? And they are easier to share with strangers in Christ.

[chipped china]

Well, I start my day around 1-2 PM and I'm kinda brain dead for the next couple hours. I go to sleep between 3-6 AM. Yes, this is a problem because I have a horse farm and need to do things outside. Thank goodness I have someone to help me. I have always been a night person and had to get up at 6 AM for 25 years when I worked. Reading scripture and meditating/praying at night is my closest time with Him. Although like you walking/working outside, I feel His peace and joy. This staying up all night is the result of a great depression I went through a couple years ago. I was married for 10 years, then separated for 10 yrs and finally couldn't take it any longer and divorced. My husband was an abusive prescription drug addict. I felt if I divorced him that I wouldn't ever be able to be married again. The one thing I wanted most my whole life was to share my life with someone. That someone has turned out to be Jesus. And no one can love me like Him.
Though divorce is sin, it's not an unpardonable one. The resulting guilt and failure has caused me to run full speed to Jesus. And I don't think I would be where I am spiritually if all this hadn't happened. The beauty is Jesus has us where ever we are, with all our imperfections. Our job is to let Him live in us, we are Christ on earth. blessings Betsy

[Lori Smith]

Kevin,

I wake up in a horrible mood, so I always check my emails and Twitter before I sit down with the Lord. I have tried going to my Bible first thing, but that doesn't work for me. Once I am awake and my heart is more receptive, I sit down with my Bible and wait for the Lord to speak to me.

Regarding your heart, it is the Lord who softens it. I really had my heart softened when I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. This did not happen to me the first 3 1/2 years I was saved because I was a Southern Baptist and they don't believe in it. Thus, I am SO glad that my husband wouldn't go to the church I liked because we ended up attending a Spirit-filled one. Now I have God's tangible presence with me, so God isn't just an idea. Instead He is a living person who meets with me. Tozer has some wonderful teachings about the Holy Spirit--he certainly believed in Spirit baptism subsequent to salvation.

One other thing ... your testimony is not unlike Martin Luther's. He constantly struggled to love God, and all the while he actually hated Him (not saying you do!). But one day the Holy Spirit opened Luther's eyes to justification by faith. Once Luther saw that the work was God's and not his own, his whole life changed. I'm not saying that's your problem, I'm just using his illustration to show you how faithful God is. Here was Luther struggling, and God not only revealed Himself to Luther, He used Luther to start the Reformation! God is amazing; keep seeking, for He PROMISES that those who seek Him, find Him!

Blessings!
Lori

[Lori Smith]

Betsy,

I don't think it's a sin to divorce an abusive man who refuses to repent. Actually, I think enabling someone to abuse us is in a way enabling sin. God had me separate from my husband for 5 months after I gave him repeated warnings from the Lord not to treat me badly. God did not send me home until my husband repented and gave his life to the Lord. Now, we have a beautiful marriage. However, I don't think God would have sent me home if my husband hadn't repented. I can also relate to how a horrible thing becomes a good thing when God gets a hold of it. I spent a couple of years in the wilderness of depression too and God gave me Himself and a deeper relationship with Him as a result.

Blessings to you Betsy. I thank God for people like you and Kevin who are willing to share their hearts and hurts. It is this openness that brings us close. We need this closeness so that we might help one another stand. That's what the body of Christ is for ... edification.

Lori

[Kevin Blankenship]

Thank you Ladies...y'all are precious. I have just finished tending to my mother and now I am free to choose a path. Did y'all see what I was doing, WITHOUT ME KNOWING IT, when I made this thread??? I was seeing my morning devotions as a Pre-Christ Jew would have looked at sacrificing a bull or something. In other words...I told on myself. Oh that was not my intention. But I reasoned: If I get up earlier, like David of Old did ("early in the morning will I rise up and seek Thee") then perhaps God will take me more seriously, and maybe see that I really mean business this time. Performance -based religion.
Balance is what I THINK I am looking for. There is something to that "work out your own salvation w/ fear and trembling". I believe it was put in there by the Holy Spirit. But spiritual things can only be understood by a Spirit-filled man.
In the 1990's, I, too, was married. I was attending Christian Life Center Assembly of God. I embraced the Statement of faith unquestioningly (and still hold to most of their creed, the {"initial evidence of being filled with the Holy Spirit being 'speaking with tongues'} being an exception. My wife and I married after only three months of dating. Not be be too crude, I am positive that we married for all the wrong reasons and after three years I marriage began falling apart. Divorce upon the grounds of irreconcilable differences being imminent, we soon were separated, and then divorced. It was her second marriage, as she was fresh out of the first. And she and i married for this reason: "It is better to marry than to burn with lust". We were attempting to make fornication legal in the eyes of God's commands. It didn't work. I am 49 yrs old now, and I just don't ever see having a significant other....other than Jesus, as being a part of my life. I have tried to picture it. But the desire has waned to the point of being ALMOST non-existent. Don't really know why I shared all of that. I still have sleep in my eyes. Maybe that's it.
But back to morning devotions. I take it that it is going to be different for everyone. But I STILL feel a gnawing in my spirit that giving God the firstfruits of my time (daily) is important. But I ALWAYS go overboard with my thinking. I tie up a bundle and try to heave it on my shoulders but it's often too big to carry very far. And when I throw it back to the ground, I feel unspiritual and feel that God is yet again rolling his eyes and possibly saying: The spirit is willing but the flesh is weaketh.
Thanks for your replies ladies. I don't know what's up with my being so wordy these days. But I am assuming that this forum is for such as this as we endeavor to walk more closely with Him Who gives us eternal life.
I have more to say about being filled with the Spirit. Nothing bad, indeed, I crave to be filled and have some help with this awful flesh. When I was in the aforementioned church, I was very involved. When the pastor asked if anyone wanted to be filled with the Holy Ghost, I beat my way towards the alter. Several little ladies got around me...all of them "praying in tongues". Thepastor told me to throw up my hands and begin worshipping God. I did. I felt VERY embarrassed, but I would do anything to be filled, so I did it. The little ladies who were praying in tongues than switched to coaching me. One little lady started patting her hand under my chin and said: "Just say what ever comes into your head." I didn't have a clue what they meant. I kept saying: "Thank you Jesus" or something to that effect and then started getting scared and wanting to do what those little ladies, who by now had kicked up their zeal a few notches, was wanting me to do. "JUST LET IT FLOW" said they. I finally stammered (from fear I think) and they said "That's it! That's it!" I couldn't understand what they were wanting me to do!! So I just stammered a little more and they said: HE'S GOT IT!!! HE'S GOT IT!!!! Got what?, I thought. They said: Don't worry hon, "from a 'stammering lips' will God speal to his people" so you just spoke in tongues. You are now baptized in the Holy Ghost!!! Now go home and pray that way. I went home wondering what just happened. I thought about leaving and never going back. But I came back. And as time grew on, I would hear people speaking in tongues and I learned to do "it" pretty good and pretty convincing. I noticed that I had full control over how I did it, so I would switch it up and make it sound different sometimes. All the while convinced that: "the spirit of the prophets is under the control of the prophets" or something like that. That was my experience with being baptized in the Holy Ghost. It didn't take, as I subsequently, a few short months later, was sinning like a non-convert again. DISCLAIMER: It wasn;t the fault of those dear ladies who meant so well, nor the pastor, nor the church. They were being very faithful with what they took to be the truth. And even today, i am not questioning their own experiences. But I doubt mine very much. More later. Got to give momma her meds.

[Lori Smith]

Kevin,

So sorry your experience was so awful! My husband was filled with the Holy Spirit in the middle of a field all alone. Plus he doesn't speak in tongues. I like Tozer's advice for seeking much better. I speak in tongues but I don't make up the sounds ... not everyone speaks in tongues. You're doing a great job taking care of your mom! God bless you!

Lori

[Kevin Blankenship]

Thanks Lori. My little 'share' wasn't meant to be a 'put down' of the Assemblies of God at all. The experience I shared is certainly not unique to the AoG. Happens in (probably all to an extent) the full gospel churches whose Statement of faith declares the initial evidence of Spirit Baptism being "tongues'. I certainly believe like you....that the Spirit gives severally as He wills. To one this, to the other, that. And thanks for the compliment about my mother. I put that lady through alot of worry in my early, very foolish days. O look at it like one extended amends. It will be complete only when that awful disease has done its work of completion on her. But still, I lay hands on her and pray for God's healing about every other day. (I about lied and said everyday so that y'all would think that I was SO holy! lol) I like to throw my ungodly motives out into confession land and not give them a chance to fester and desecrate my mind and spirit. "Confess your faults one to another, that ye may be healed" See..it's scriptural. (Said in a light tone....but still serious)

[chipped china]

You are both, along with others on this forum, a blessing to me.



Romans 12:
5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

[Kevin Blankenship]

And you all are definitely a blessing to me!!! The only sad thing that could happen is for me to slip back into my shell and not post anymore for while. I have set a goal for myself to interact with others (besides momma of course, the Alzheimer's has deleted the fact that I am her son from her mind) on this forum at least once a day, and likely more. Am I craving attention??? You better believe I am!!! But not in the way that one might assume. I actually enjoy my solitude. Very much. TOO much. But how can I be a functioning member of the body of Christ by living in a hole. So I must get past my fears and foibles and ascociate with others and where better to start this new adventure than a Forum such as this.
So....if y'all start noticing a more regular routine of posting for me....you'll know at least partially why. I am resisting the flesh and the devil. And once again, because of this Forum, I am starting my day off with my Christian duty. Not too please God, as He is ALREADY pleased. But because it is good for the spirit of a regenerated man to take control of his/her mornings!!!! I REALLY am starting to think that there was a real, and very human, reason why Jesus would arise very early, before sunrise, and walk to a lonely place and pray. It seems that this was His custom, according to scripture.
I don't mean that EVERYONE should start waking up before sunrise and praying. Many mornings, I will awaken after sunrise. But rather, before I start applying my mind to other things of the world. I will give one exception: If my mother has been incontinent through the night, I am forced to immediately deal with that and get her completely clean and sanitized and reclothed, and replug in her feeding tube. And many times, this is done with sleep in my eye, almost sleep walking.
I hope each of you has a completely awesome and liberating day with MANY MANY thoughts about or King and Lord and Saviour......The Man Christ Jesus. May I grow to love Him more today. And i would appreciate all prayers (for me) to that end. More later awesome people.
PS: To Lori: Sometime, when you get a chance, I would like to hear more about your husbands Spirit baptism. It is those kind, when the seeker is alone, that intrigues and fascinates me the most, since that is perhaps the way Jesus will baptize me. When i was living in Murfeesboro Tennessee, back around 2004, I was REALLY seeking God and to be filled with His Spirit. One afternoon, I lay down to take a nap after work. I woke up speaking in tongues. At that time, there was not ONE drop of doubt in my mind that I was engaging in a Gift of the Spirit, because while I was sleeping....I don't even remember dreaming or thinking about it. I just woke up and it was pouring out of me. But that's another story for another day)

[Charles Miles]

I also think mornings are important in our spiritual life and growth. Maybe I should change that to "important in MY spiritual life and growth". Having always been a "morning person", I arise early while it is still dark, light a candle on the breakfast table, open the Word, pray for insight, and read. Like you Kevin, I don`t get to do this every day, but I try because it just makes my spirit soar, my heart grateful, and just maybe I get some suggestions for the day. Hospital rounds are necessary each morning, and they are always easier with the reinforcement of the blessed assurance still ringing in my ears. Yes, I read the Word out loud to myself because I believe "faith comes by hearing" so I like to "hear" God`s word each morning....even if is only listening to my own voice speak it. I so look foreward to the pink, first light of dawn in the east when enjoying the relationship with my Father, who assures me that He will always be with me....no matter what!
May God bless all the seekers who contribute to this forum and by doing so, reinforce the joy of the relationship with the Father.

Charlie

[Kevin Blankenship]

Thank you for your inspirational reply Charlie, and the rest of my sisters and brothers!!! Incidentally, my daddy, now deceased, was a General Practitioner and was famous at Hardin County General Hospital for making rounds at 4;30 to 5 am. lol

[Lori Smith]

Kevin,

I wish I could give you details about my husband's experience. However, he is a man of few words. Thus, I simply know it happened because he told me so, and because I see the fruit daily. Now he hears from the Lord. God is good; He meets us when we seek Him where ever that may be!

Blessings,
Lori

[Julie Daube]

I see there has already been a lot of discussion here, but my first thought is that sometimes we make these things way more complicated than they have to to be. Charlie mentioned being a morning person, and that's what I am. I am at my best in the mornings and have the most energy then. So it makes sense for me to have my time with God when I am at my peak. However, my husband is definitely not a morning person. Even if he physically gets out of bed at 9 or 10 am, he is not fully away until after noon, and usually his energy peaks very late at night. This is when he has his devotional times. He has often spent hours by candlelight in sweet followship with the Lord. He also likes having his devotional time late at night because there are no distraction such as a ringing phone or talkative wife. ;-) Basically, my thought is that we shouldn't impose on ourselves a legalistic requirement to have time with God first thing in the morning. Yes, that is probably a good way to start the day (and it's easier to think this as a morning person). But God owns the entire day, not just the mornings, and He can meet us any time of day. And Kevin, when your day begins with cleaning up your mom, you are starting your day in service to the Lord, and that's beautiful!

[Julie Daube]

Oops, I mean to say "fully awake," not fully away!

[Kevin Blankenship]

And Kevin, when your day begins with cleaning up your mom, you are starting your day in service to the Lord, and that's beautiful!

Julie, that is a wonderful thing to say. I never thought about it that way. I gotta lotta learning to do. And i gotta lotta getting rid of a 'performance' mentality!!! I never really got a chance to make my earthly father proud of me. I guess I am trying to make it up by trying to please Our Heavenly Father......but in an earthly and fleshly way. I'm learning.....and I am still crude with my efforts....but I'm getting there. But then....even THAT is all God's doings. "It is God Who wills and works in us" (my paraphrase). But back to the quote: thanks dear sis for what you said there. "Apples of gold upon settings of silver is a word aptly spoken." (another one of my paraphrases)

[Charles Miles]

I agree with you Jilie. The important thing is to pick a time during the day and devote it to the worship of our Lord. Mornings just happen to be my time and I chose that particular time because it is quiet, no distractions(not many), and it gives me a start at the remainder of the day charged with God`s word. I do know people who worship in the evenings and even a few that choose the noon hour. The Word says that true worship is sweet perfume, offering a sweet smell in heaven and in the nostrils of God. Maybe if we start the day knowing that we have already sent an offering to the Father, the problems that may arise later in the day will not ruin our day. God`s love for us is so big and wonderful. His grace is simply astounding, His promise is our assurance, and to worship Him(whatever time of day) is a priveledge and honor.
Praise be to the Fathet, the Son, and the Holy Spirit for all the good things that will happen today....

Charlie

[Julie Daube]

Kevin, I can so relate to the performance mentality! This is an area where God has really had to work in me over many, many years (it also goes back to trying to please my earthly father). But I think I am finally getting it, with God's grace and help! And I am glad He used me to encourage you.

What has really helped me in this area is focusing on who I am in Christ. When we read and medicate upon the Scriptures that speak of who we are in Christ, it is much easlier to see that it's not about our performance but all about our identiy in Him. Here are some of my favorites:

I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. (Colossians 1:13-14). I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 4:14-16). I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2). I am a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20). I am seated with Jesus Christ in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6). I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13 ). I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me (Romans 8:37). I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). I am holy and without blame before Him in love (I Peter 1:16; Ephesians 1:4).
I have the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5; I Corinthians 2:16).