11 replies to this topic

[Charles Miles]

My name is Charlie and I just found this site after reading all (all that I could find) of Tozer's work. Although I was baptized as a Baptist at age 9, my personal relationship with the Lord began only a few years ago after soul searching and a realization that something was missing in my life that I needed desperately. My wife of 39 years was a strong Christian, praise and worship leader, and a partner who gently urged me to see the Lord. The personal relationship with the Lord is amazing and offers so much of the Kingdom life right here, right now, that I lament all those years I wasted just sitting at the foot of the cross and not pursuing God's will for me. One often wonders why thing happen when they do, and I was no different, but I was and am able to grow daily.
On the morning of Aug 20,2011, the day of our youngest son's wedding, I awoke to find the love of my life dead on our bathroom floor. No illness, no trauma, no obvious reason for her death, just gone to be with her Jesus. I was left alone with so many questions I can't even number them. Had I not had this personal relationship with the God of the universe and be certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that He loves me, knows me by name, and never leaves me....all that would have been heard from that bathroom would have been the gunshot. As recently as 4 years ago, that would have been the case.
I prayed for understanding, prayed for peace, prayed for relief from the overwhelming grief......nothing. Then I prayed that God would simply hear me...." please let me know you at least here me in my hour of great need and pain" . That day I noticed an old Bible on a shelf that we hadn't opened in years, there was a marker in it, only one passage marked, obviously done years ago. The passage was Psalms 28: 6-7. "May the Lord be praised, for He has heard the sound of my pleading. The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped". I have never heard the audible voice of God, but that was from the Father just as if He were in the room with me. Praise our God and His infinite mercy, presence, and grace. truely His love is sufficient!!
God has blessed me more that I can even imagine during the past 9 months and although I only asked for assurance of His presence and an end to the pain, He has given me so much more. Praise be to God for His love and caring for His children.
All hail our mighty God and His plan for us,

Charles Miles MD

[Beth Knight-Pinneo]

Thank you for sharing your story. Your wife sounds like an amazing woman. I am grateful for God's comfort which you have received, and pray that you continue to receive the help you need everyday for your journey. After my sister died, I have prayed much for her husband, and I prayed some of the same things for you as well when I read this, for God to give you a rich future and great hope, as I know He has and will continue to do.

[Travis Richey]

Charles,

I read your post the day you wrote it. It sent such a bolt of truth through me, and also a pang of anguish at the same time. I knew I needed to, and I wanted to respond....but the words just havent been there. They still aren't. I don't have anything in my life experience that would let me even pretend to understand all that you have been through. So, I'll say AMEN to your post, and join you in Praising the Lord for all He has done, and I shall pray that God shall continue to bless you from His abundant riches, and that you may be filled to the measure with all the fullness of God.

I know it required Great Strength for you to share this testimony. Thank you, thank you for doing so. And thank God for His Strength to do it.

"“Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony" Revelation 12:10-11

[Kate Curry]

I was "surprised by joy" reading your testimony. Thank you.

[Charles Miles]

Beth, Travis, and Kate,

Thank all of you for the positive response. I`m still not sure why I posted it but I just had to express to others who seem to think that our God is far away and doesn`t hear us when we pray, the fact that God is closer than our next breath, loves us to a degree we can`t possibly fathom, and our prayers are heard even before we pray. We do need to pray and pray without a pause. My life has certainly changed a great deal over the past 9 months and is different than before my Fran`s death, but my life is good because I am a child of the living God and I have a personal relationship with Him. I am a blessed man who knows who he is( a joint heir with Christ) and how he got to this point(by the substitutionary sacrifice of the Son Of God for my sin). Don`t get me wrong here, I`m no pollyanna who never has a down period over all this, but I do know we will all see each other again and rejoice over the victories we had in this life. I am able now to look back at the past 40 years and smile about all the funny things and happy times.
On occasion I am able to help with others who are going through this same ordeal and explain that the Lord has not deserted them and is there to help and comfort them in this dark period of their lives. I do not think Fran died so I can have some kind of ministry to the berieved, but I do think we all have an opportunity to share the joy and love of God from wherever we are at the time. God didn`t "take" Fran, nor is this some kind of perverted "test". It certainly is a time of spiritual growth for me as I study and meditate on the word while I listen for God`s directions for me. I am no extra strong man who doesn`t hurt and cry, I am the weakest of the weak, but I do know that with God`s strength and love, I can do most anything. Do I understand all that happened and why? No. Will I ever understand while on this earth? I don`t know. Do I hurt? Yes. Is God in charge? Yes. He will let me know what I need to know, when I need to know it, but until then,
I praise God for His mercy, grace, and lovingkindness.
Yours in Christ,
Charlie

[Charles Miles]

Isn`t it just like our God to hear more than we say and give more than we ask? Maybe it is because we often don`t know what to ask for, and certainly don`t always know how much God loves us and wants His children to be full of joy. I am reminded of what the angel told Daniel about when his prayers were heard in heaven and the reason the answer took several weeks to arrive in Babylon. I`m certainly no Daniel, but just one of God`s children who stays in the word and prays faithfully daily about problems that effect myself and others. The fact that my prayers are heard and answered comes as no surprise because Jesus said if we pray in His name, the prayers would be answered and no good thing would be withheld from us. I have praised God daily for my peace and deliverance from very dark places in the mind.
I say all that to now give a praise report! The Lord knows me and has known me by name from before time began. He knows my needs and knows my spirit because He saw to it that I was "fearfully and wonderfully made". He has sent me a friend whom we have known for 35 years as the wife of a friend of the family. Her husband passed away 2 years ago much in the same way as my wife Fran. I had not seen this Christian lady in 2-3 years but we recently met agin at a gathering and have been able to discuss all the events in our lives over the past several years. We are very comfortable together and can discuss both our spouses because we both knew both of them and we all vacationed together many times in the past. Where does this go? I don`t know. Can simple companionship lead to a relationship? I don`t know that either. What I do know is that life has taken a turn for the better and I know my Lord had control of the events. There is simply no way an absolutely fine Christian lady such as this could have "accidently" bumped into me after 2-3 years of no contact, and both of us with the same seemingly insurmountable, crushing blows......having turned it all over to God`s care, without God`s helping hand.
Again I praise my God, the Son, and Holy Spirit, for watching after a child who was injured and placing in his path a way to sooth the pain and continue life with joy. Again I am reminded of the 10 lepers whom Jesus healed that all went away but one returned to thank Him for the healing. I certainly want to be the one who gives thanks every day for all the good things that happen to me and all the new things I have learned by staying in the Word, praising Him, and waiting on Him.
Please continue to pray for me and how all this turns out, but I am sure God has His hand in the situation.

Yours inn Christ, Charlie

[Travis Richey]

Thank you yet again Charles, and I'll join you in giving the Praise of Thanksgiving to our Lord and Savior. You are a wonderful example of what Peter writes, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." I can only pray and believe that I would be as healed as you have been were I to go thru similiar events. Your testimonies have been a delight, and I will add that the Holy Spirit has caused them to be convicting as well....for me anyway.

I look forward to your additions to this fellowship.

And I love your closing, "inn Christ", what a wonderful example of "abiding in Him" for He has prepared a room for us.

God Bless and Keep you always,
Travis

[Julie Daube]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Charles. My dad went through something very similar. On August 9, 1991, a little over a month after my wedding, Dad came home from work to find my mom dead of a heart attack. Dad had just retired, and they had recently finished building their dream house in the Poconos. He was shattered. When my husband gave me the news, the first question out of my mouth was "Why??"

Since then, a beautiful tapestry has unfolded in my dad's life as the Lord used him in ways that I never would have imagined. Within a couple of years, he married a wonderful woman of God named Betty, who had suffered her own share of heartache. Several years ago, when my dad was in his late 70s, he and Betty adopted her 10-year-old granddaughter, who had been in an abusive situation. Last year, at the age of 13, this very wounded young lady received Jesus as her Lord and Savior. I am sure that the love and nurturing she received from my dad helped to soften her heart to the Lord (because of the abuse she had suffered, she had been an atheist). I am convinced that it was no accident that Dad and Betty found each other!

Looking back at the way God has worked in my dad's life since that terrible day nearly 21 years ago, I praise God for His wonderful, supernatural comfort and for the way He gives us beauty for ashes. I cannot imagine going through the loss of my mom without Jesus to carry me through it, and I know that He carried my dad through that valley as well.

I pray that the Lord's hand will continue to direct your path. "Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Isaiah 41:10).

[elizabethcog]

Dearest Charles, I am humbled and honored to have a glimpse in your life through you sharing your story,well this small piece of your story,thank you for your honesty and I will pray for you daily my wonderful friend you are a light in a dark place.God is good that never changes even when it seems different ,we can go to his word for assurance that he loves us and is there always.love and prayers my brother in Christ Elizabeth

[Charles Miles]

Thank all of you for the replies and Christian support. Now that we know one another better and some of what happened, please let me share with you how I got to this point in my walk with the Lord.
I have been a "christian" since age 9 and a faithful church-goer all these many years but I never felt the nearness of God in my life. I just assumed this was how things were supposed to be....I was somewhat happy and just kind of moving along with the majority of the christians that I knew. Then one night about 4 years ago we had a finacial crisis due to some investments gone bad....very bad. Fran was asleep...how in the world could she sleep at a time like that when the world was crashing down around us? I went into the back yardabout 1:00AM, totally dark outside, totally quiet, just me and my questions. I looked up at millions upon millions of stars gleaming and sparkling above without sound or warmth. I asked God if this was how things were supposed to be. I explained that I knew about Him, knew hundreds of bible stories, taught sunday school on occasion, and this was not turning out well at all for a man who did all this and was a "christian". Deep, deep in my mind, soul, spirit, heart, or whatever, a reply was given and it was a total shocker to me. "Yes, you know about me, but that is not what I want. You know ABOUT Me but you don`t know ME"! My response, after I was able to think clearly again(I was not used to getting an answer), was WHAT? He gently told me that what He wanted was a RELATIONSHIP with me, and i had not allowed that to happen. WOW! The God of the universe wants to have a relationship with me! HE wants a relationship with me! I`m not sure when the dew fell that night, but my pant knees were wet when I was able to get up. I stated that I did not know what to do from there on, so I would go and start to read Genesis to get the whole story....I was impressed at that time not to start there because it was too complicated for me. "Just go and read what I said when I started my ministry on earth". Repent, the kingdom of God is at hand? Yep. I promised to start threre and develop a relationship with my Father. BTW, don`t tell God that(and mean it) unless you don`t want to sleep for about 3-4 days because the Word suddenly takes on a new, deeper, living, meaning, and you can`t put it down. Old stories and familiar verses suddenly opened to me new truths that I had NEVER seen before. New meanings, new revelation, a comforting spirit seemed to fill me to overflowing with peace and joy.
My study took me to authors such as Tozer, Kenyon, Spurgeon, and others in a search for knowledge about God and His love for me. "Knowledge of the Holy" took me to spiritual levels of rarified air and clean, pure revelation. Praise our God for His Lovingkindness, His Grace, and His Longsuffering He lavishes on His children. Had this backyard episode not happened when it did...well you know the rest of my story.

My God IS an awsome God and He does reign forever,

Charlie

[Julie Daube]

Thank you for sharing more of your story, Charlie - what an awesome testimony!