31 replies to this topic

[Grudzinski1]

What is the Biblical Position on Divorce and Remarriage? What are the beliefs of the C&MA? Discuss.

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[Joel Stoddert]

What is the Biblical Position on Divorce and Remarriage? What are the beliefs of the C&MA? Discuss.

One of the best treatments I've found on the subject is Jay Adams' book, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible. One of Adams' main points is that many churches lack a consistent, biblical church discipline policy, which affects how they deal with people who divorce for unbiblical reasons, further complicating an already tough issue. The Bible says divorce is allowed in cases of adultery, or desertion by a non-Christian spouse. When a Christian couple decides to divorce for any other reason, Matthew 18 should be followed. Adams makes the point that if someone insists on divorcing his or her spouse for non-biblical reasons after going through the disciplinary process of Matthew 18, that person has identified with those outside the body of Christ rather than as a Christian, & the Bible clearly teaches that if a non-believing spouse insists on divorcing a believer, the Christian spouse doesn't sin in allowing it. That clears up how to handle the situation of the innocent party if there is one, and answers questions about the status of the offending spouse in the local church: For example, if the offending spouse had refused biblical discipline and been excommunicated, there is no question concerning, e.g. whether or not he or she should be allowed to remain in a leadership position. Non-members aren't in leadership positions. As it is, many churches don't deal with unbiblical divorces and remarriages as a church discipline issue, so aren't sure how to handle such decisions.

[Julie Daube]

I have a question I would like to see someone answer: Is divorce and remarriage ever acceptable (from a biblical perspective) in cases of abuse and domestic violence? The Bible doesn't specifically mention this as a valid reason for divorce. However, scriptural teachings on compassion and mercy seem to suggest that the church should not reject a woman who divorced her husband in order to escape an abusive situation, especially if the woman feared for her life. In such cases, what would the Bible/Church say about a divorced person remarrying? Something else to consider is that a person who abuses his spouse has broken his wedding vows, since, presumably, he promised to honor and cherish his wife.

[Joel Stoddert]

I have a question I would like to see someone answer: Is divorce and remarriage ever acceptable (from a biblical perspective) in cases of abuse and domestic violence? The Bible doesn't specifically mention this as a valid reason for divorce. However, scriptural teachings on compassion and mercy seem to suggest that the church should not reject a woman who divorced her husband in order to escape an abusive situation, especially if the woman feared for her life. In such cases, what would the Bible/Church say about a divorced person remarrying? Something else to consider is that a person who abuses his spouse has broken his wedding vows, since, presumably, he promised to honor and cherish his wife.

As you say, Julie, the Bible doesn't speak to this specific issue, but I agree with you. I have had a couple women come to me over the years regarding abusive husbands. My counsel has been, without hesitation, "Get out of there!" I don't believe it's a stretch to say the abusive spouse has deserted his wife, by, as you say, abandoning his vow to love and honor her, and the Bible allows divorce for that reason. That thinking can be stretched too thin, used, e.g., by a spouse who claims desertion "because we've grown apart", or "he's never home", etc. But in cases of true abuse, I believe as you do.

[Denes House]

One of the best treatments I've found on the subject is Jay Adams' book, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible. One of Adams' main points is that many churches lack a consistent, biblical church discipline policy, which affects how they deal with people who divorce for unbiblical reasons, further complicating an already tough issue. The Bible says divorce is allowed in cases of adultery, or desertion by a non-Christian spouse. When a Christian couple decides to divorce for any other reason, Matthew 18 should be followed. Adams makes the point that if someone insists on divorcing his or her spouse for non-biblical reasons after going through the disciplinary process of Matthew 18, that person has identified with those outside the body of Christ rather than as a Christian, & the Bible clearly teaches that if a non-believing spouse insists on divorcing a believer, the Christian spouse doesn't sin in allowing it. That clears up how to handle the situation of the innocent party if there is one, and answers questions about the status of the offending spouse in the local church: For example, if the offending spouse had refused biblical discipline and been excommunicated, there is no question concerning, e.g. whether or not he or she should be allowed to remain in a leadership position. Non-members aren't in leadership positions. As it is, many churches don't deal with unbiblical divorces and remarriages as a church discipline issue, so aren't sure how to handle such decisions.

Adams' book is good, but I would give a higher recommendation to David Instone-Brewer's book, Divorce and Remarriage in the Church. Instone-Brewer is one of the foremost scholars on New Testament-Era extra-biblical literature, and has personally read and translated every scrap of material in existence about marriage and divorce from that time period. His book sheds tremendous light on Jesus' response on divorce in Mark 10/Matthew 19, and how it relates to Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians 7. He shows how both Jesus and Paul connect their teaching to the Old Testament, and to the marriage vows taken by the spouses of Jesus' day (which we also take today, in substance).

Instone-Brewer's book points out that our modern vows ("to love, honor, and cherish" as spoken in most weddings) are substantially the same promises found in the Mosaic law, and are assumed by Jesus and Paul. And that divorce is Biblically allowable (not to say commanded, or preferable) for violation of those vows.

[William Kay]

What is the Biblical Position on Divorce and Remarriage? What are the beliefs of the C&MA? Discuss.

Greetings and Salutation,

I am curious. I have read your paper titled Stricter Discipline for God’s Willing Children and now, respectfully ask, how you arrived at the conclusion God has "special object of His grace" and "less favored ones?"

I have the understanding God is no respecter of Persons (Acts: 10:34; James 2:1-4; Rom 2:11&12). I would like to learn how your statement works in relation to God not having a partiality toward individuals.

Also, as to your statement: "To do His supreme work of grace within you He will take from your heart everything you love most." in relation to the issue in which it was posted (Divorce/remarriage) I also have to ask, do you believe the wife would become some of those ashes; especially if the wife is the original/first wife?

Thank you for your time.

[William Kay]

and the Bible allows divorce for that reason.

I would appreciate the chapter/verse(s) making this claim.

Thanks.

[Julie Daube]

I would appreciate the chapter/verse(s) making this claim.

Thanks.

I don't know that Joel or I could necessarily find a chapter and verse that specifically says divorce is permitted in the case where a wife is being physically abused and fears for her life. However, as I pointed out in my previous post, it would seem that the Bible's teachings on mercy, justice, and compassion would infer that divorce is allowed in such cases. Looking at Ephesians 5:25-29, it is hard to believe that God would tolerate spousal abuse or force a wife to endure such treatment by her husband, who is commanded to love her as Christ loves the Church. But if there is a chapter and verse that applies to divorce in the case of abuse, I would appreciate seeing it as well.

[Denes House]

I don't know that Joel or I could necessarily find a chapter and verse that specifically says divorce is permitted in the case where a wife is being physically abused and fears for her life. However, as I pointed out in my previous post, it would seem that the Bible's teachings on mercy, justice, and compassion would infer that divorce is allowed in such cases. Looking at Ephesians 5:25-29, it is hard to believe that God would tolerate spousal abuse or force a wife to endure such treatment by her husband, who is commanded to love her as Christ loves the Church. But if there is a chapter and verse that applies to divorce in the case of abuse, I would appreciate seeing it as well.

I would point you to the Instone-Brewer book I recommended before. Properly understood, Jesus and Paul both allow for divorce in these situations.

[Grudzinski1]

Greetings and Salutation,

I am curious. I have read your paper titled Stricter Discipline for God’s Willing Children and now, respectfully ask, how you arrived at the conclusion God has "special object of His grace" and "less favored ones?"

I have the understanding God is no respecter of Persons (Acts: 10:34; James 2:1-4; Rom 2:11&12). I would like to learn how your statement works in relation to God not having a partiality toward individuals.

Also, as to your statement: "To do His supreme work of grace within you He will take from your heart everything you love most." in relation to the issue in which it was posted (Divorce/remarriage) I also have to ask, do you believe the wife would become some of those ashes; especially if the wife is the original/first wife?

Thank you for your time.

William, thank you for writing. I apologize for not labeling that this was a passage taken from A.W. Tozer. He is referencing Hebrews 12 in disciplining His children. I do not know Tozer's original intent of the words, but as a minister of the Gospel, I see through scripture that God has the ability and does call us out to be special objects of His Grace. The partiality that you are talking about in the verses presented was in reference to Jews and Greeks and there being no distinction between them as to who He calls to be His own. This is a part of the answer, I guess. The other verse from James talked specifically to a group that would discriminate based on outward appearances. I can only assume that Tozer was talking more grandious than this and going into the area of Romans 9. We can see it clearly in verses 14-18, but the whole chapter should be read...for that matter the whole book...to understand what is being displayed here.

Now, I do believe that God can use those that we love as those "ashes" and especially when it is in reference to refinement. Remember in Zechariah 3 when Joshua was being accused by Satan of being too dirty for ministry and God said that he is a brand plucked from the fire? those ashes of refinement can come in whatever form the Lord wills to discipline His children. Who am I to designate what God can and cannot do to His chosen children? Isaiah 45:5-7 is clear that He is the one who "creates well-being and calamity". Psalm 139:16 states that each day is written in His book, the days that were formed for us, as yet there were none. Who was the author and perfector of Job's faith? Satan came to Him to ask permission and then used the Sabeans to do the destructive work. We can play the blame game here if we wanted to, but God was Sovereignly over it all. Job could have blamed the Sabeans for taking away his family, the Sabeans could have blamed Satan for using them to do his work, and Satan could have said, "God said I could." Yet, Job, in his wisdom says, "the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be His Name." He recognized that God was over it all. Now, this type of language runs close to saying that God is the author of evil. This is a herasy. God cannot look upon evil and He certainly does not create it. He is Holy. But, do you see in the scripture that God turns mankind over to themselves. Romans 1:24ff tells us, "Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them."

So, who did the hardening of hearts in this picture? Do you remember the "Pharoah hardened his own heart..." and "God hardened Pharoah's heart..." debate of who did the hardening and how many times did one harden over the other. Well, I think that Roman's 9 gives us an illustration for this very issue. When the potter is working the clay and He sets it aside, what happens? It hardens. Who is doing the hardening? The potter or the clay? My response is both. The potter is setting the pot aside to harden and is not keeping it wet upon the stone. The clay is hardening itself because that is the natural disposition of clay. It's chemical compounds dispose it to harden if not whetted. So who does the hardening in our own lives? When the Lord sets aside one of His creations and does not set His favor upon that creation as like others that He is whetting, who is doing the hardening. Is this what Tozer is talking about as "less favored ones"? I cannot speak for him, but I assume this to be his intent. The clay pot hardens itself. We are responsible for our own hardening because God turned us over to our own passions, lusts, intentions, and desires. This is why it is clear that I am "dead in my trespasses and sins" until God "made" me alive in Christ. (Read Ephesians 2:1-10 for more instruction). If you read Ephesians 2:11ff we get what you were discussing about God not showing partiality to Jews or Greeks. He addresses that right after we get this amazing picture of God "whetting" us and causing our hearts to be transformed (Ez. 36 - Word and Spirit and heart transplant).

So when Jesus speaks of our "hearts being hardened" and that is why we offer certificates of divorce, it is clearly us that is doing the hardening to ourselves, but who is over that? Who knows of what will happen as a result of our hardened hearts? Who has appointed His limits unto man by which he cannot pass (Job 14:5)? William, this is still a mystery to me. I have been through the throws of refinement and seek to understand this more myself. I do not claim to have the answers. I trust the one who does though to give me Grace and Mercy as I hold tight to the mysteries of God that He has revealed unto me.

[Angela Sawtell]

I don't know that Joel or I could necessarily find a chapter and verse that specifically says divorce is permitted in the case where a wife is being physically abused and fears for her life. However, as I pointed out in my previous post, it would seem that the Bible's teachings on mercy, justice, and compassion would infer that divorce is allowed in such cases. Looking at Ephesians 5:25-29, it is hard to believe that God would tolerate spousal abuse or force a wife to endure such treatment by her husband, who is commanded to love her as Christ loves the Church. But if there is a chapter and verse that applies to divorce in the case of abuse, I would appreciate seeing it as well.

In my research on this topic, my mentor reminded me that God is very intentional in what He choses to reveal what He choses to conceal. There may not be a direct reference in the Bible stating that in cases of abuse the abused has biblical grounds for divorce, however, God is very clear on how He sees deception, manipulation, anger, and violence. She challenged me to broaden my scope from focusing so much on what isn't outright stated to what has been made clear. Who does God reveal Himself to be in the entirety of the Bible? Is He consistent in how He views mistreatment and injustice? The answer is a definite yes. For me, I came to a very specific fork in the road where I had to dive deep into this very topic. There was no reconciling between the God who I knew existed and what His intentions were for me as His child, verses choosing to stay in an abusive marriage.

I'd also like to mention that there are over 9 different types of abusers, each with their own specific type of abuse. Not all abuse takes the form of broken bones and black eyes. In fact, the more destructive forms are far more obscure. As the body of Christ, WE HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY to start educating ourselves about what abuse looks like. Right now we are ill-equipped to respond to these situations. They should not catch us by surprise.

Perhaps by educating ourselves about what really goes on behind these relationships we can start giving more complete answers to those who are seeking wisdom when it comes to divorce.

[Joel Stoddert]

I would appreciate the chapter/verse(s) making this claim.

Thanks.

The reference for Christians being allowed to divorce a non-Christian spouse who insists on is 1 Cor. 7:12-15. Paul makes it clear the Christian spouse is not to ask for a divorce simply because the other spouse isn't a believer; but if the non-believing spouse asks for a divorce, the Christian doesn't sin in agreeing to it. The Bible says that we're not to be "unequally yoked" with non-believers, & sometimes the non-believing partner finds the spiritual differences too great. I knew of one couple, for example, who were both non-believers when they married, both active alcoholics and disinterested in spiritual things. When the wife came to Christ, the husband lost his drinking buddy & fellow skeptic. He openly admitted thinking "This isn't the person I used to be married to", & wanted out. It was an amicable divorce, but he wanted the kind of wife his now believing wife had been.

If you're asking for references for my, and Julie's, stance on abuse, she's correct. I don't find a particular passage that bluntly states that divorce is acceptable in abuse situations. But as she and others have already stated, there are Scriptural teachings about related issues, such as the above reference (a husband who is truly walking with Christ won't abuse his wife & if he wants a divorce, I'd say it fits 1 Co. 7 and Matt. 18). And, as Julie pointed out, Paul says the husband is to put his wife's needs before his own, just as Christ did for us, and many verses point out God's special concern for the vulnerable among us. In the light of such biblical teachings, I have no problem counseling a woman in an abusive situation to get out of there and find a safe place to live. In such situations, I believe the Bible's allowance for divorcing a spouse who has abandoned you comes into play, since the abusive spouse is more dedicated to acting abusive than to keeping the marriage intact.

[Ronaldo82]

while I agree with you in principle you forget that the bible does not address every situation and caveat of life so therefore we are to use wisdom in discerning what do to with divorce in situations that are not explicitly listed in the bible. Abuse is one of these situations. Unrepentant physical, sexual, or verbal abuse are not listed in the Bible and yet wisdom tells me that a husband is not loving his wife as Christ loved the church.

[Joel Stoddert]

while I agree with you in principle you forget that the bible does not address every situation and caveat of life so therefore we are to use wisdom in discerning what do to with divorce in situations that are not explicitly listed in the bible. Abuse is one of these situations. Unrepentant physical, sexual, or verbal abuse are not listed in the Bible and yet wisdom tells me that a husband is not loving his wife as Christ loved the church.

If I'm the one you're responding to, no I haven't forgotten "that the Bible does not address every situation...", brother. I actually made that point myself. I agree with you that in those situations, biblically informed wisdom is called for.

[Dick Lawson]

I don't know who set up the questionnaire. It is too simplistic and seems to be designed to produce a predetermined result. Sorry, but I can't respond to the questionnaire in its current state.

[Jay Turner]

I know it was never God's will that divorce should happen just like it wasn't his will that sin would enter into the world. Regrettably both play a much larger role in this world than God ever intended. I have to believe that God sees the circumstances of our lives as well as the heart behind the decisions that we make. More often than not, we get married for the wrong reasons just like we get divorced for the wrong reasons. I know when I got married, I didn't know what love really was. That, I ended up learning years after my divorce out of totally different circumstances.

If we learn anything from scripture, we should see how God can take the broken and undesirable things of this world and transform them into things that are beautiful and whole. Though we may get married or divorced or remarried for the wrong reasons, God can make the relationship whole. The important thing is that we give those relationships over to God so that He can transform them as he sees fit. The main difference between things that are sanctified and things that aren't is whether or not we are willing to give them over to God.

I don't believe that God is nearly as concerned with how many mistakes we make along the way as he is with us just coming into relationship with him. Learning from our mistakes and overcoming our circumstances make us who we are as believers. I believe God would rather us make our mistakes and learn from them than he would for us to live perfect lives and never learn a thing. It is part of growing up and maturing into spiritually healthy adults.

[Gordy]

There are two or three passages that Christ discusses on the topic of Divorce. One that comes to mind is Matthew 19.

[Ed Adams]

As one who has divorce and remarried I felt so condemned and thought that I had let God down. God hates divorce and he said HATES I can see why dealing with children. I don't say I have the answer but one who sought God and ask forgiveness. I saw some thing in scriptures I had not seen before but listen to this I don't accept divorce just to get out of the marriage I had bibical scripture for me to divorce and it would have looked good but I didn't she divorced me. Now this is what I saw and you discern your selves. Mark 10:9 says what God had joined together let no man put asunder just because we say our vows to man a minister and even before God did God approve that marriage did God put you together wow I saw it I really did God never brung us together He the high priest the minister didnt approve this I felt so relieved at peace do I asked the Lord how did he see that marriage well He didn't speak this but to me but I felt like we had just been shacking up. Approved by man but not by God. Now so if God had brung you together that would be a great responsibility then What God had bring together let no man that means the man in the marriage to not to put asunder.

[Joel Stoddert]

As one who has divorce and remarried I felt so condemned and thought that I had let God down. God hates divorce and he said HATES I can see why dealing with children. I don't say I have the answer but one who sought God and ask forgiveness. I saw some thing in scriptures I had not seen before but listen to this I don't accept divorce just to get out of the marriage I had bibical scripture for me to divorce and it would have looked good but I didn't she divorced me. Now this is what I saw and you discern your selves. Mark 10:9 says what God had joined together let no man put asunder just because we say our vows to man a minister and even before God did God approve that marriage did God put you together wow I saw it I really did God never brung us together He the high priest the minister didnt approve this I felt so relieved at peace do I asked the Lord how did he see that marriage well He didn't speak this but to me but I felt like we had just been shacking up. Approved by man but not by God. Now so if God had brung you together that would be a great responsibility then What God had bring together let no man that means the man in the marriage to not to put asunder.

Ed, if I understand you correctly, you think that Mark 10:9 is using "man" as in male. Actually, no. It means marriage is from God, and people shouldn't break their marriage vows and divorce unless for reasons allowed by God's Word (such as adultery or desertion by a non-Christian spouse). However, the Bible doesn't teach that if someone marries a person God may not have wanted them to marry, that divorce is ok & staying with the person is like "shacking up." What makes divorce offensive to God is the tearing asunder of two people who have become "one flesh", and even those who marry unwisely become one flesh with their mates. I don't know your situation, so don't know if you "let God down", as you first felt you did, or not. But even if you did sin against God in the divorce, it's not the unforgivable sin