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Sucide & Depression


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#1 thirstydeer

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Posted 13 October 2010 - 06:38 PM

Have you ever felt deep depression?

How is a Christian suppose to react to feeling REALLY low? I can understand why some people choose to end it. But I don't think I would ever do that. I really struggle with very dark down days. I try my best to hang on until my husband comes home from work. I have two beautiful children but even that doesn't bring me out of my loneliness and misery. No one really understands how I feel. The extent of the emptiness. The frustration of not being able to feel or experience God or his love. To hate yourself. God is the answer but when you have had a lifetime full of counsel and people trying to help and nothing works. Just what do you do? I feel like I need people to encourage me and just love me but where do you get that exactly? Everyones too busy and my needs are probably too big. I wish God would just reach out and touch my heart and make it all better but it just doesn't happen

#2 Denes House

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Posted 14 October 2010 - 08:08 AM

thirstydeer, I have not personally experienced a depression that deep, but I know many people who have. I know that you've heard kind-hearted counsel from lots of people in the past, and perhaps more of the same is not what you need. But you did ask, so let me offer a couple of words.

First, the truth of the matter is that God does love you. He loves you so much that He took all your sin and your doubt on Himself, on your behalf. Something is preventing you from experiencing that love, but the truth is that God's love is constant, unwavering, and proven. Hang on to the truth, even when your own feelings are telling you the opposite.

Second, what is it that's preventing you from experiencing the love of God? You've had counsel and people trying to help, but for some people, there are chemical imbalances that prevent them from experiencing any light or hope at all. We believe that God can heal us, and I know you've been praying that He would. Sometimes He heals supernaturally, but sometimes He heals through medicine. As your brother in Christ, let me encourage you to at least investigate whether there might be medicine that could help restore the chemical balance that your brain needs in order to function as God designed it to. I know many people who have been helped by the judicious application of medicines - good, Godly people who trust God to heal them, even through medicine. Please, see your doctor, who will refer you to a clinical psychologist, who will do thorough testing before recommending any treatment.

For some people, an inability to receive God's love stems from unconfessed sin, but it sounds to me - from the little I've read from you - that you know this, and have confessed your sins, and simply cannot feel the release from guilt and shame. If that's the case, the problem may well be medical in nature.

God bless you, sister - I pray that you find the relief that you need. God loves you. He designed you to be able to experience joy and forgiveness. And He created a world in which there exist chemicals that can treat depression. Please look into this possibility.

In the grip of God's grace,

Pastor Denes House
For those who are wondering, my name is spelled "Denes House," but it's pronounced "Throatwobbler Mangrove..."

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#3 Julie Daube

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Posted 14 October 2010 - 09:28 AM

I am sorry that you are struggling so much, thirstydeer. I do know what it's like to be very depressed, but usually my depression has stemmed from circumstances in my life, and I think that's different from what you have been experiencing.

I think that Denes' advice to you was very sound. In addition, you might consider the possibility that your depression may have an underlying spiritual cause beyond unconfessed sin. In other words, it could be an attack against you by the enemy, who always seeks to rob our joy in whatever way he can. After the prophet Elijah experienced his greatest victory, he became horribly depressed and wanted to die. Yes, Jezebel had threatened to kill him, but Elijah had already seen God's mighty power and knew that God was more than able to protect him. There was no logical reason for Elijah to be depressed. I have heard some believers speculate that Elijah's depression may have been caused by an attack of the enemy. Just as he can attack our bodies through accidents and illnesses, he can also attack our minds and emotions through depression. I don't know if this has ever come up in the counsel you have already received, but I thought I should mention it. If it hasn't come up, you may want to ask your pastor, a church counselor, or a mature friend in Christ to pray with you for deliverance. In Jesus' earthly ministry, He took authority over demons and even over sickness and natural forces such as the weather, rebuking those things and commanding them to depart. Members of the Early Church followed His example and used the authority they had in Christ to command the lame to walk and even the dead to rise. Perhaps you need someone to stand with you in taking authority over the depression that has plagued you, if you haven't already sought this kind of help.

I am praying that God will heal you and restore to you the joy of your salvation.

Be blessed in His Name.

#4 thirstydeer

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Posted 14 October 2010 - 11:48 AM

Thankyou so much for your kind and gracious replies.

For me, at least, I don't think it is a chemical imbalance or if it is partly that then it would be a very small part.

I say this because there are so many reasons why I feel this way.

For example, verbal abuse while growing up, a very angry father who was away lot with his job, not feeling safe and secure, tormented at school other shame issues.

These and other things all bundled together make one very ugly package of agoraphobia and depression.

Also my parents weren't exactly the affectionate type so I crave affection but alot of the times try to reject and stay away from it. But even if people are affectionate then I can't really take it in. Even when my little boy constantly says.. i love you mamma.. its like it hits a wall infront of me and bounces off.

I try to get needs met thru people and thru things knowing only God can meet those needs. But I can't find his help. It's like someone very thirsty trying desperately to look around for anything resembling water and liquid and drinking it.

#5 Julie Daube

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Posted 14 October 2010 - 12:46 PM

Thankyou so much for your kind and gracious replies.

For me, at least, I don't think it is a chemical imbalance or if it is partly that then it would be a very small part.

I say this because there are so many reasons why I feel this way.

For example, verbal abuse while growing up, a very angry father who was away lot with his job, not feeling safe and secure, tormented at school other shame issues.

These and other things all bundled together make one very ugly package of agoraphobia and depression.

Also my parents weren't exactly the affectionate type so I crave affection but alot of the times try to reject and stay away from it. But even if people are affectionate then I can't really take it in. Even when my little boy constantly says.. i love you mamma.. its like it hits a wall infront of me and bounces off.

I try to get needs met thru people and thru things knowing only God can meet those needs. But I can't find his help. It's like someone very thirsty trying desperately to look around for anything resembling water and liquid and drinking it.

Thank you for being willing to share all of this, thirstydeer. I want to assure you that you are not alone in those feelings and experiences. I, too, was bullied and tormented at school, and I spent much of my childhood struggling with deep-seated anger toward my dad because he was so critical of me. Today, I praise God for having redeemed all of those experiences and for healing my relationship with my dad, which is one of the biggest blessings in my life (as I got older, I learned that my dad had experienced deep emotional wounds in his own childhood, so it was difficult for him to be the father I needed him to be).

I have more to share with you that I think would best be shared in a personal message, so I am going to be in touch shortly. Please check your personal messages in MyCMA at some point after you read this post.

#6 Denes House

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Posted 14 October 2010 - 12:46 PM

Those are all strong possible causes. Have you gone to a good Christian counselor?

And Julie's also right, the Devil does attack us through depression (though I don't agree that Elijah is a good example of that). Seek out a good Christian counselor, who can help you to work through your childhood issues, and who can encourage you to let them go into Christ's hands. And also seek out someone who has experience praying with discernment, preferably someone your church's Elder board would recommend, and would pray with over you.
For those who are wondering, my name is spelled "Denes House," but it's pronounced "Throatwobbler Mangrove..."

Visit my weblog, online art gallery, and church's website!

#7 Julie Daube

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Posted 14 October 2010 - 01:17 PM

Those are all strong possible causes. Have you gone to a good Christian counselor?

And Julie's also right, the Devil does attack us through depression (though I don't agree that Elijah is a good example of that). Seek out a good Christian counselor, who can help you to work through your childhood issues, and who can encourage you to let them go into Christ's hands. And also seek out someone who has experience praying with discernment, preferably someone your church's Elder board would recommend, and would pray with over you.

Denes, that advice is excellent. It's very important to seek out someone recommended by the church elder board or others in church leadership. (And I agree that I could be totally off base about Elijah in that regard; I just remember hearing/reading about that type of depression in reference to Elijah.)

#8 thirstydeer

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Posted 14 October 2010 - 01:49 PM

I have been through many many counselors.. friends.. church leaders.. trying to help. I think with God's grace if that was the answer he would have done something by now. The woman with the issue of blood needed Jesus himself and had tried many different methods. As have I. Tho God can work through people for sure. Guess I will try to keep praying. Thanks.

#9 Brian Rushfeldt

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Posted 15 October 2010 - 06:34 AM

Hello,

I am sharing this from experience. My wife for several years had depression problems. She has OKd me to say this.

We prayed , we read we did much but it did turn out to be a hormonal/chemical issue with her. Medication helped restore the balance in her body. It had affected moods, sleep, and mental fuctioning - which all culminate in a depressed state.

From my addictions couselling experience the things you went through can alter chemical functions. Stress, anger, pain, all those things alter syatems in the body. Even the immune syatem can falter due to long situations of things I just mentioned.

I do think it worth considering consulting a good medical doctor and even talking to a good pharmacist for their input.

Brian Rushfeldt

#10 callmedan

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Posted 21 October 2010 - 06:35 PM

Have you ever felt deep depression?
How is a Christian suppose to react to feeling REALLY low? I can understand why some people choose to end it. But I don't think I would ever do that. I really struggle with very dark down days. I try my best to hang on until my husband comes home from work. I have two beautiful children but even that doesn't bring me out of my loneliness and misery. No one really understands how I feel. The extent of the emptiness. The frustration of not being able to feel or experience God or his love. To hate yourself. God is the answer but when you have had a lifetime full of counsel and people trying to help and nothing works. Just what do you do? I feel like I need people to encourage me and just love me but where do you get that exactly? Everyones too busy and my needs are probably too big. I wish God would just reach out and touch my heart and make it all better but it just doesn't happen


I have those same feelings and have to fight everyday. I have had the same thoughts of hating my life. I believe it is real pain, it seems no one else suffers this but by my finding your post shows me that there are others that suffer the same thoughts as I do. We are to believe when we are first saved that everything is all set we have total complete happiness and no more problems. I think life is what it is, a battle to be fought day by day minute by minute and second by second. Pray and trust.. Finding time to pray is not easy either. There are always things that pop up when we want to talk to God. In my opinion chemical imbalance but we also have an adversary and he is hard at work. But he that is in us is stronger that he that in in the world.
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#11 Julie Daube

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Posted 22 October 2010 - 09:08 AM

I have those same feelings and have to fight everyday. I have had the same thoughts of hating my life. I believe it is real pain, it seems no one else suffers this but by my finding your post shows me that there are others that suffer the same thoughts as I do. We are to believe when we are first saved that everything is all set we have total complete happiness and no more problems. I think life is what it is, a battle to be fought day by day minute by minute and second by second. Pray and trust.. Finding time to pray is not easy either. There are always things that pop up when we want to talk to God. In my opinion chemical imbalance but we also have an adversary and he is hard at work. But he that is in us is stronger that he that in in the world.

Thank you for sharing, Dan. I am sorry that you have been in so much pain. I pray that the Lord's presence will be very real and sweet to you when the enemy tries to attack you with those thoughts. I also pray that you will receive God's wisdom in seeking whatever help you may need.

I think you have hit on a major problem in the Western Church and its approach to evangelism. All too often, we present the gospel as if it's an escape route from trouble and unhappiness. We forget that Jesus said, "In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world" (emphasis added). As believers, we need to remember that the moment we put our trust in Christ, we enter into a major battle with the adversary.

Those who think that the Christian life is a life of ease should read about what many believers overseas endure in terms of persecution, hardship, etc. Yes, there are many blessings that come from receiving Jesus as Savior, and He does promise us victory. But often, that victorious living will look very different from the way the world views victory.

#12 thirstydeer

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Posted 22 October 2010 - 03:00 PM

Yes finding time to pray is hard and even when you have the time it can still be hard.

I prayed to God that I'd find a prayer partner (where I live) and that they would approach me. I know the best person (for praying with me) might not be who I would choose so I'll try and let God choose..

I don't usually pray unless I tell someone I will pray for them.. then its very short prayers.

I don't think I have the faith that he would do it so I won't be suprised if it doesnt happen.

#13 callmedan

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Posted 22 October 2010 - 06:35 PM

Thank you for sharing, Dan. I am sorry that you have been in so much pain. I pray that the Lord's presence will be very real and sweet to you when the enemy tries to attack you with those thoughts. I also pray that you will receive God's wisdom in seeking whatever help you may need.

I think you have hit on a major problem in the Western Church and its approach to evangelism. All too often, we present the gospel as if it's an escape route from trouble and unhappiness. We forget that Jesus said, "In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world" (emphasis added). As believers, we need to remember that the moment we put our trust in Christ, we enter into a major battle with the adversary.

Those who think that the Christian life is a life of ease should read about what many believers overseas endure in terms of persecution, hardship, etc. Yes, there are many blessings that come from receiving Jesus as Savior, and He does promise us victory. But often, that victorious living will look very different from the way the world views victory.


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#14 callmedan

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Posted 22 October 2010 - 06:37 PM

Thank You for your encouragement. And Ms Deer I will think of you often. I do believe God is able.
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#15 thirstydeer

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Posted 22 October 2010 - 06:56 PM

Thankyou callmedan.

Got to smile at the "Ms Deer" :)

Tell us some more about yourself?

#16 Joel Stoddert

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Posted 04 November 2010 - 10:27 PM

Have you ever felt deep depression?

How is a Christian suppose to react to feeling REALLY low? I can understand why some people choose to end it. But I don't think I would ever do that. I really struggle with very dark down days. I try my best to hang on until my husband comes home from work. I have two beautiful children but even that doesn't bring me out of my loneliness and misery. No one really understands how I feel. The extent of the emptiness. The frustration of not being able to feel or experience God or his love. To hate yourself. God is the answer but when you have had a lifetime full of counsel and people trying to help and nothing works. Just what do you do? I feel like I need people to encourage me and just love me but where do you get that exactly? Everyones too busy and my needs are probably too big. I wish God would just reach out and touch my heart and make it all better but it just doesn't happen


I agree with much of the counsel I've seen here, so won't repeat it, but I have two thoughts I have shared with others who struggle with deep depression. First of all, I see some, "I know, but..." reasoning in your comments. If you know God's Word well, you know, for example, how it says time and time again how much the Lord loves His children. I've found when believers struggle with depression, they say things like, "I know the Bible says that, but..." When I hear "but", I'm likely to gently interrupt the person and say, "But what? Are you a child of God?" (Yes) "Is the Bible, which says He loves you, God's Word?" (yes). "Would He lie to you?" (No). I tell the person that, in that case, since God's Word says He loves them, never mind, "But..." He does, period. The Bible tells us one of its purposes is training our minds: I would encourage you to keep applying God's truth about you to your heart, emotions and mind, training yourself to think and feel about yourself the way the Lord has revealed He thinks and feels about you. Second, consider how Jesus says "each day has enough trouble of its own", so to live one day at a time. I've had depressed people come to me and say, "I can't take it anymore!" and express how they can't imagine dealing with such feelings for weeks/months/a lifetime. I ask them, referring to Jesus's words, if they can handle their situation for 24 more hours. So far, no one has said they can't. That's what the Lord calls us to, living in faith one day at a time. I realize the "one day at a time" has become cliched because the recovery movement quotes it so often, it's right out of Scripture. I pray you'll come to know just how deep the Father's love is for you, and find healing.

#17 thirstydeer

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Posted 05 November 2010 - 12:56 AM

Thankyou Joel.. that encourages me :-)

#18 Joel Stoddert

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Posted 05 November 2010 - 03:04 PM

Thankyou Joel.. that encourages me :-)

You're welcome. :) I might have missed it last night (I was online quite late, & tired), but do you have anyone encouraging you in the areas I've mentioned? I find it takes not only persistence on the depressed person's part to redirect your thinking, but also accountability: If you don't already have such a person, you would likely benefit from someone you can call, or at least sit down weekly, who knows you well enough to confront you in love if you're self-pitying, and is willing to keep pointing you back to the truth of the Word.

#19 thirstydeer

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Posted 07 November 2010 - 03:27 PM

I felt awhile ago that I needed someone to pray with. Not just prayers for me but to pray for the other person as well. I prayed about it but nothing has really worked out.

#20 Jay Turner

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Posted 09 November 2010 - 11:53 PM

It is funny how as I read your original post and think about how I might respond, I realize that all the things that I could say are the things that I myself need to hear.

I personally don't believe that depression is all that uncommon for believers. Just think of David, Moses, Joshua or any of the prophets in the Bible. Joshua was imprisoned for something he didn't do. Moses was the leader of a rebellious people and was stuck wandering out in the wilderness for 40 years. The prophets were hated, ridiculed, and ostracized for being obedient to the calling that God had on their lives.

Being men and women of faith doesn't mean that we are never depressed, hurt, suicidal or sometimes even hateful. Instead it means that instead of letting the circumstances of our lives consume us, we choose to stand and walk in obedience in the midst of those circumstances.

As I am writing this, the thing that keeps coming to mind is the whole idea of the Wilderness Experience. A wilderness experience is a time where God takes us aside, sometimes letting hard times come into our lives in the hopes that instead of letting the circumstances of life drag us down, we will draw nearer to Him. It is a time where He will take us through a growing and maturing process and if we will let Him, a time where He will teach us to hear His voice and to know Him more intimately.

When you think about it, it is in the tough times of life where we learn to stand and endure. As we continue the struggle to stand in those times, we become stronger and able to put up with all that much more. If we should happen to fall, then we just need to remember that our sins are forgiven and that God is right there with us. So we just get back up and not give up.

One of the most important things to remember, as a believer, is that our walk is a process. Just think of a child growing up. You can't expect a new born to automatically start walking. You can't expect a student in second grade to be able to do algebra. We take one step at a time, growing little by little. We know this, yet far too often we set expectations for ourselves that are unrealistic.
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