I need help...

I need help. Well that is nothing knew, ha, ha and many of us can say these same words with bold truth, but that is not the help I am meaning right now. I need help with my relationship with me mom.

Right before dad died of lung cancer in 2007 ( he was a life long smoker ), he asked me to promise to take care of mom after he was gone. I am the youngest of all the kids and the only one adopted, yet he had faith in me to ask me to take upon such a big responsibility. He knows mom so he knew mom was never an easy person to be around or to have a relationship with. Mom is a very depressing, poor me, dramatic type of person. Sorry, but this is the truth and it’s life with mom as it has always been. I knew what he was asking me to do was a huge load on me, but he loved mom and I loved my dad, so I said yes. I made the promise.

I rarely ever make a promise on anything. Unless I know for a fact I can keep it, I just don’t make promises. To this, I made to dad I would take care of mom after he was gone, but wasn’t sure if I could really do it. How do you say no to someone you care about as they are dying?

Well, mom has been who she has been since dad’s death and there has been many issues and struggles as a result. Last year, mom suffered from some serious health issues and could of easily died. That has not effected who she is in any positive changes I can see much of. If anything, I have noticed that ever since mom came out of the hospital this last time, she has become super sensitive about what things I say. Mom gets mad at me and stops talking to me several times a week. This has become the new norm for mom and my relationship with her. Grant it, I am not an easy person to deal with. I can be a jerk when stressed out or annoyed. Not mean mean, just a jerk when I have been pushed over my limits of what junk I can handle. I am also very honest and with all consideration and respect, will tell the truth as it is. Some find this offensive. I find truth helpful. So I know mom has dealt with her issues with me as well.

The thing is, I am trying so hard to be there for mom in her needs. Mental and health needs. Her biological kids, all older than me, don’t care about mom. Fake ‘I love you’s ’ and all that, but even mom knows they are of ego and greed only. They don’t help me at all. If anything, they look down upon me as less than them. Mom gets mad at me easily over things I say. Several times a week and I am at the point of not knowing what to say to her about anything I don’t absolutely have to bring up. I know mom has had a hard life, childhood and adulthood both. I know mom hates how her life has changed since her health has turn last year. The life she has lost and the new limitations. I know these things bother her, but I did not cause them. I am the only one in her family even trying to be there for her. I drive her everywhere and more. What more can I do? How can I talk to her without cracking the eggs I feel like I am now walking on? I need help cause I don’t see this getting better. Just harder and I don’t want her to pass someday with us not being okay with each other.

Christopher,
I pray now that you use as much of your spare time as possible in the word and in prayer and that the Spirit will remind you to yield your own will to Him. "Be at peace with all men (moms included) in as far as it is up to you". Let his words in scripture heal you both and lead you and keep you as His peace maker. Allow Him to counsel you and pray He counsels your mom too. It's the Holy Spirits work to counsel her as only He can.

I'll be praying.

Love in Christ,
Candice

I can be of little help to you. All I can do is tell you about my own mom. She was one of those sacrificial mothers that gave all to her family. My dad had an affair with another woman that was on and off for over 5 yrs when they were in their late 50's. It ruined my mother in so many ways and she never recovered fully from it. My dad stayed with her and took care of her to the end of her life. He somewhat redeemed himself and there were some sweet times but she had a deep bitterness that never healed fully and made her difficult to be around. She wouldn't flex and demanded things be done her way.

 

I know your mom's life is very different but the bottom line is everyone had to love my mom the way she was. It took patience and acceptance. Unfortunately we can't change other people so we need to love them God's way, unconditionally. As for the other family members not helping or loving her, keep giving that to God too. This is between  you, your mom and God. Life isn't fair. Somehow the Lord will see you through this. Blessings and prayers, betsy  

Dear Christopher, the saying we hurt those we love best sometimes has bits of truth, from my own true experiences with my Mom and her last months and days.Perhaps the one who is helping most is the one who gets the "abuse" lashed on because they are well there to get it so to speak.You can't lash out at someone not there or someone you feel won't come back if you do lash out at them.Is this fair ? Of course not, Is God happy about this treatment?Of course not. God's mind and will we can't know always but always he is good and is best. Sometimes we have to choose,as believers, between better and best, pray for his guidance and strength and he will supply,for you and your Mother, share about Jesus with her and pray for her as well. I work with the elderly and it is fear and hurt that comes out in the negativity but sometimes they don't know it themselves. It is impossible to love our "abusers" on our own,Jesus shows us how to do it best.You do what God tells you brother and believe he will help you 'cause he will...praying for you and Mother too,this is one difficult road here for sure......

x

I'll be praying for you and your mom.

 

My mom lived with me the last 5 years and she died here. She didn't want to go anywhere else. My sister and I were with her when she died.

 

Mom and I had words at times. It was so hard for her when she lost my dad and hard for me at my age to take care of her. But I am so glad I did. The only regret I have are those 'words' we had. Irritable cross words. I'm glad it didn't happen often. Though it did happen. Now that she's gone, most of my memories are good.

 

Do the best you can, Christopher. Let as much run off your back as possible. You, ask the Lord for his Fruit of the Spirit: Love Joy Peace Patience Kindness Goodness Gentleness and Self Control. He will give them to you! I know! He gave them to me.

Praying for you, your mom and the family.