I do not blame God

No matter how much I am hurting or struggling in my life these days, I do not blame God for it or anything bad in my life. I am not angry at God for anything. There simply is no logical reason to. God has always done the best for me and my life because he loves me. I know this. I believe this with all my heart. God has always been there for me even in those moments I haven’t been there for him. I can not find one reason to blame God for anything or be angry at him for anything. No one can even remotely give me reason to.

Yes, I am hurting and struggling really bad in my life right now. I feel overwhelmed and sinking into a deeper darkness than ever before. I feel very, very alone right now. But that is because of bad decisions I have made or the result of what others do. I have made some really super stupid decisions in my life and probably will continue to. It’s just who I am for the most part. With that and what others do badly, my hurt and suffering is created. Did God do this to me? No, Absolutely not did God do anything to cause me to suffer or hurt. Does God allow me to suffer or hurt? Maybe. Maybe there are times where the pain is a lesson for me to learn and the best way is by the pain. Sometimes there might be something greater for someone else that can only come from my pain. What ever the reason why I am allowed to suffer as I do, it is of a greater good being served and not of any blame to God for.

If anyone is to be blame. It’s me. It’s my life. My decisions and my failures. I am accountable and responsible and upon my judgment, will stand alone without the blame option. So, why shouldn’t I stand on Earth the same way. Why shouldn’t I do what I will do then, now?

I am not going to lie. I am hurting really bad under the struggling I am dealing with. Hurt so much that it’s leading me in places that are dark and bad. I can not find the support or help I need in my local community or church. Without that support or help, I will sink farther into dark places and what will be I don’t know. I am doing my best even if it’ failing. I wish I could just like leave here. Join something that gives me what I am looking for. I am still trying to keep fighting. The options of not trying are horrible.

In all, I do not blame God. I have not a single reason to. It really is this way for me.

Hi Christopher,

I hear your pain quite deeply in my heart. I've read your posts and am praying that you know that this is a season that will pass as this kind of pain always does move into normalcy (for lack of a better term) and joy again and other trials and then seasonal transitions

I've been having dark days too and have to be on my knees whenever anxiety hits and when it does it is despair. Lots of things in life, no local support. Be here with us on Deeper Life.

I believe you got burned out in serving excessively and maybe in a way that God wasn't really directing. This is what it may be based on your other post about leaving church

I believe that you should attend worship and ask your elders to pray for you with laying on of hands as you need support, even if from one person only. If you believe you've been hasty or burned bridges at your church, tell someone and ask for help. Pray as often as you can and read scripture and I'd read it aloud. When we are weak , He is strong. But, there are some who are gifted at encouraging and others will not have this gift. Maybe serving in one area as you are led is wise as long as you don't burn out. It is good to keep your eyes on Christ and still be ministered to. I've been where you are and know its a roller coaster in life. But, The Lord is still on His throne, and these trials are necessary, albeit unpleasant at the time

Soak in Gods word of your assurance as long as you have certainty of Who your Savior is, He is all you can hope for - Father , Daddy,
friend, Comforter, Helper and Counselor.

Be well
I'm praying for you

Candice

1 Cor. 12:26 If one member suffers, all suffer together, if one member is honored, all rejoice together.  I think I can speak for others here that we all hurt for you. Most of us have gone through times like this and know that God won't give you more than you can bare. I think part of this lesson is just growing up in the Lord. At some point you have to realize that you and others are going to let you down. We all have the sin nature while we pilgrim through this life. Stop expecting others to met your needs, stop expecting yourself to meet your needs. Jesus Christ is the only one that can do that. Ps. 138:8 The Lord will perfect that which concerns me, Thy mercy O Lord endureth forever, forsake not Thy works of Your Hand.

 

I think all true believers wrestle with their filthiness at some point. For me there was a time that seemed like every thought that came out of me was self-centered or fearful. I wallowed around in that for awhile until I gave it to the Lord. I've also had my heart broken so badly that I too ashamed to share it with anyone. Somehow our precious Savior supernaturally showed me His Love, pulled me up out of the mire and now Luke 2: 52  And Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and Man. That how I try to live. And when things are tough Phil. 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content. I don't do it as well as Paul but God keep refining me.

 

We were made by Him and for Him. We were bought for a price. If we can learn this then God will bless us in ways we could never imagine. Live in the favor of God, do what He says and He'll take care of us.

The following verse of Scripture came to my mind

 

Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: Job 13:15

Yes, Kenny, amen. Job is always the go -to reminder of trials and the beauty in pressing in and, even Job questioned God in it all

 I can not find the support or help I need in my local community or church. Without that support or help, I will sink farther into dark places and what will be I don’t know.

Christopher, I am sorry you can't find the support or help you need in your local community or church. Have you considered seeking professional Christian counseling? It sounds like you need to talk through your struggles with someone who is trained to help people like you. If you can't find a Christian counselor in your immediate community, you may want to check other nearby communities/cities. Also, I am sure there is online counseling available for people who are struggling as you are.

 

Please know that you are not alone. As you can see, there are many people in these forums who care deeply about you and want to help. We are also praying for you.   

Looks like you have some great encouragement/support here.

 

You are NOT alone.

 

Will add my prayers and one tiny advice that has helped me

during the dark times ...

 

put on some praise/worship and soak it in until your thoughts are

nothing but the lyrics and your heart is centered in that worship.

I really don't know what to say as an update to this. Not much as changed on it. I am still holding myself accountable and resposible. As much as I hurt and feel others have contributed to that pain unjustly, it still falls on me as this is still my life I need to own up to. Still feel alone.

Prayers for continued endurance.

praying for you