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An encouraging word to Christopher


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#1 radar

radar

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  • Location:High Point NC
  • Interests:Retired Navy and disabled veteran. Love studying the Word of God. Read Spurgeon, Rylism, Stedman, Hoekstra, Tozer, Meyer, and Morrison devotionals, sometimes Chambers. Study free online: Ichthys, Gotquestionsorg, SermonAudio, Christian Classic Ethereal Library among others. Like to ocean pier fish as my hobby.
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Posted 13 July 2014 - 07:10 AM

I have been burdened and can associate with your pain, by the things that I have suffered recently. In my prayers, the Holy Spirit kept reminding me of how alike we are in our present situation. It is easy to sometimes be hard on someone when you have the same problem. I was going to write this as a private message to you, but the Spirit squelched that idea and reminded me that the hard word given was public, and so should this posting.

 

To help us understand better, a little background on my side as I have not shared in the last few months about losing my pastor of 20 years to amnesia after a traumatic blow to the head.  

 

It has been a year now that the accident has happened. I had lost my mentor who helped me go from a shredded mind to one that is healed and productive. Why did such a terrible thing happen to such a godly man who will no doubt be richly rewarded on THAT day, to use an endearing phrase from Ginger, God knows...

 

I had been a bench warmer and did little outside of going regularly to the meetings on Sunday and Wednesday nights and making sure i got all my godly gold stars for that week. Now was a time the team was hurting and it was time to come off the bench and make a difference. I liken it to the United States World cup game when a young man named Green was substituted last in a desperate attempt to keep from losing. He was not the coach's ideal choice and the man had no experience of a game at this level. He immediately came in and scored a goal, which gave hope and reinvigorated the team. Although the United States ultimately were eliminated in this game, it was how they lost which made them heroic. It is a rare thing to see a star being born in one day by one grand moment.

 

So there came Satan and his minions and a political power struggle ensued. I tried not to be drawn in the conflict, but it was unavoidable when God puts His thumb on you and you have to speak the truth in love. We had lost our first love and the ministry had turned into a gossip, backbiting entity that followed divisions, cliques, and being judged by God for our sins, we started losing strong members and financial support and was on the verge of going bankrupt. After it was revealed to me by the Spirit that I was actually confusing my old pastor, I realized I was going to have to step away from this fellowship for a little while until I was given a sign by God to return and help my pastors, friends, brethren and those not  my brethren but attended our small group. I started out on a quest for a new pastor and fellowship. I prayed and for the first time I fasted. Not the epic 40 day ones, but a simple denial of certain liberties that I found pleasurable in food and entertainment to prove my self serious about what was occurring. I had to trust and lean on the Lord as I was used to do things that did no make sense at the time. I was like the square peg being put in the round hole in my fellowship, and everyone including me felt the discomfort.
 

I had started attending a mega church who had a excellent Thursday night teaching. Since Thursdays were a free day in ministry, I felt led to go attend this church on Sundays. I met many former brethren who had left the fellowship I was at. I thought that this is the right place for me. After a short time I realized the bitterness and gossip towards the old fellowship was still taking place by those self same brethren that had left. Although the teaching was excellent by the pastor on Sunday mornings, certain things I observed were very troubling to me. Since I know there is no "perfect" church or fellowship, I realized that Satan was showing me the worse of this new place in an attempt to keep me anxious and restless. I persevered, keeping close to God. I also attend my son's fellowship which was 240 miles away from me in another state. There I found lovely, engaging people who warmly welcome me every service I attend. When I meet people, I like to "look them in the eyes". There was a genuine warmth and no looking away. They do things together like Friday movie night at the church looking at movies that were from a Christian perspective and having a lively discussion afterwards. Nobody being marginalized nor time constraint given on what to say here. Then the bible study by the pastor's wife was intellectually challenging, Spirit growing and soul prospering refreshing time in which there was much interaction between the teacher and us "disciples", disciplined learners. There is more I could list but that is two examples that reflected a real fellowship. I realized the big church were too in personable and my old fellowship there were many there that weren't my brothers and sisters due to lack of fellowship.  Since I live at home with a unsaved son, and my other family members who live elsewhere are not saved, the rejection persecution, and shunning by my blood kin is very painful. I remember something my old pastor told me that resonates well with my soul, it isn't me they are rejecting, it is the Jesus in me. 

 

During this time of extreme sifting, my Bipolar 1 starting acting up. This made it even more difficult and I started doing and saying inappropriate things and knew I was falling away in my heart. I can not get a doctor's appointment till August 20, when I requested to be seen in May. Since my "disability" is service connected, I go to a Veteran's Administration clinic for my appointments, but it is all over the news how evil, corrupt and despicable they are. So, that is being responsible for the physical component of Bipolar, adjusting the medications to help my diseased mind. The second component of this affliction is owning up to the things I do and not using my malady as a cloak for sin. It is a fight now getting back to the close walk I once enjoyed with the Lord. This past week has been a wonderful witness of God's love and favor to fight the good fight and I have the peace and joy now flooding my soul, lifting the depression and anxiety which were starting to dominate my life. I had to be brought to my knees and cry out to God I am undone and desperately need His help. He has responded! AMEN!

 

I had seen a posting about my old pastor's last desperate plea to God to reveal himself and needing a unmistakeable sign. He could not get anything from reading the bible, a consequence of the trauma to the head which resulted in impaired cognitive functions. He was ready to close the ministry down and abandon his search for God. Our church building was for sale as we had no monies to keep it up, and operations were going to move from the city to deep into the country at the 90 day drug and alcohol camp that we had bought many years ago, which he called "Qadosh Adamah" or Holy Ground. Ironic that this is the site of the pastor's accident. The next day the pastor receives a call that another ministry which he sowed seed monies when they started up and  they had grown an prospered and were going to buy the property and allow us to continue the children's ministry to the projects across the street, and our Sunday and Wednesday night service. The only thing not redeemed was the Father's table, the feeding ministry, where the cancerous sin of power church politics and gossip were festering. Our southside homeless mission, which God provides the funding for through my medical disabilities, still prospers because God's favor of granting Sheetz a tax write off and in return we get there out of freshness date sandwiches and desserts from two different stores. WE did not allow church power politics to spill over to the mission which is a house of prayer and healing for the homeless in the southside of our city. A result of that good fruit was taking a dying, drunk, drug addict, him going through the 90 day Jesus recovery program, and staying on in a leadership position at the camp. I kept witnessing the good news of Jesus to him over the years and never really thought that he could truly be redeemed much less start bearing good fruit for the Lord. O me of little faith!

 

I had also heard that the wicked family had their power curtailed and would start attending another church. With these signs, I came back to my old preacher and his wife and explained why I had stepped back for a while. My pastor revealed that some of the things I did from God but did not understand became beacons of hope in his life. Go figure!

 

So, fellowship restored and helping "re download" all the wisdom that the pastor had given me over the years by reminding him when he had questions of what he had told me years before when I had the same uncertainties has become a source of joy. He recently remarked how ironic it was that I had related to him how he helped me in the past years and did not remember, and now that I was sharing with him the wisdom he had given me. We both laugh about our mental afflictions and the interactions of others who think they can understand what it is like but have no clue. You cannot really know a man until you have walked in his shoes.

 

My daughter and ex wife who divorced me and is living with another man out of state started  trying manipulating what they thought  materially blessed Christian should do by wanting me and my son to support my daughter and son in law's drug addicted life by bailing them out of the financial mess they are in. My ex wife plays the mother game when it suits her, but she is entirely devoted to a self centered lifestyle. They think it cruel that I do not throw money at them when I would be getting in the way of what God is doing to break their pride and  get them into a right relationship with Him. An example, we are accused of holding back and talking behind their backs when my saved son and I communicate that we require a dentist estimate for the work which we will pay directly to the dentist so we know for sure the money was wisely stewarded. Another painful thing is the shunning of my brother from him and his significant other the baby girl that they have recently had. My dad has handed over the family leadership to him. My other brother turned his back on his wife and ran off out of state with his boyfriend. My mother is a self centered person who had finally driven everyone out of her life and lives alone and bitter in a single room at the Salvation army. She refuses the help I have offered over the years of moving in with me, being fiercely independent. I do visit each parent regularly, as they have allowed me that much in their life. The last time I heard from my sister was  a year and a half ago after she needed 2k to pay a lawyer for bankruptcy, so I gave here the money. It was  painful to visit my father on father's day only to find he was going to my brother's house to celebrate with my brother and sister, I hugged his neck and on the drive home felt terribly lonely and sad.

 

Finally, On my way to the mega church two Sundays ago, I was halfway there before I realized that I had turned the car around and was heading for my own church. There I spoke to what was left of the old congregation announcing my return. Since I had renounced them publicly I had to be public about my return, just like I am with you on this post. Last night I attended our monthly ministry meeting. Out of the seven of us present, five accepted my invitation to go for supper which I am blessed to be able to provide for.  Fellowship and revival has to start somewhere, and I am hoping that this is a start in the right direction. Everyone had a great time, and these are my true brothers and sisters who stayed true with me though this whole ordeal. It was the best $60.00 I have ever invested!

 

Just wanted to share with you how I can relate to sifting on a personal level and how much your posts have helped and encouraged me. I now realize I came to this forum because lack of fellowship, and I think there are a few who can relate to our present sifting.

 

May the awesome Mercy, Grace and Peace be upon you and yours Christopher and may God grant His choicest blessings on you and yours!

 

In His service,

chris(radar)


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#2 Ginger

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Posted 13 July 2014 - 05:13 PM

deleated



#3 Ginger

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Posted 14 July 2014 - 06:20 AM

deleated