Dear Christopher,
Since my reply to you in this forum, God has been dealing with me on HOW I responded, not my reply to you because the information is correct, but the spirit in which it was given was wrong. What I should have done was send you a PM stating what I did but I accused you of rudeness publicly instead of privately. I wanted to PM you this, but was reminded that what is done publicly should be repented of publicly.
I ask for your forgiveness in this matter. I am pretty sure that Satan is trying to use this in some way to cause a rift in this fellowship which I know he hates. Satan only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Thank God he is on God's lease and God allows Satan certain leeway in us to show forth His glory in the ensuring deliverance from the snare. (book of Job).
It is just I have been where you have been, and I oh so much want to see you overcome this bondage and experience the abundant life that is in Jesus Christ. I know unquestionably that you love the Lord with everything you have, and just as Job was tested to prove his faith in God, so we all must go through sifting because God loves us too much to leave us the way we are. He give us things in our life to overcome, in order to win the crowns to lay at his feet in heaven. This sifting will be a life long process because as soon as we overcome the one thing, the Lord then goes on to the next thing He feels we need and we go thru the process again. We gain confidence in looking back and seeing God win the battles for us that we try to win on our own strength and fail. This brings confidence in that we know that we have been here before and God has been faithful every time to provide the victory. That is why we have to be pushed out of our comfort zones. When we learn to overcome a thing in Jesus, we know in our hearts that it is not by might nor power, but by God's Spirit that we overcame. We have to be brought into things that are way out of our control. We become deceived and essentially tell God through our own actions that "I got this". So God honors our choice and we plow on without God's power until we crash and burn in utter defeat. The we are ready to look to God for help because we have no other source left. We have been brought to the end of ourselves and now the Lord of Glory will prevail over whatever situation we find ourselves in once we submit to His mighty hand.
I want you to feel that this is a safe place to vent out your frustrations and keep on showing the awesome transparency you have so far. I know that this is very hard for you, trust as it may, has been broken so much in your life by everyone around you and has caused this grief and pain to you so you cry out. I do not want to find myself numbered among those who have caused you pain. I have found nothing but love and support on this forum, and I want you to be treated by me as the others here have treated me when I have cried out in pain and suffering. I feel this is a safe place to receive love and help when I have been isolated physically from other like minded members of the Body in my local situation. So, we assemble ourselves here to be that Body we cannot find anywhere else. God is faithful and with patient perseverance, He will lead you to a right fellowship locally as some others can testify who have already gone or are going thru a season of testing and refinement. I am not without sin and I have done far worse than you, and I need to remember that.
I don't know about you, but after this confession I feel a great relief and since I laid my gift at the altar and went to my brother whom I remember has ought against me and made the thing right, I can now have my joy in the Lord and find my worship acceptable in His sight. Love you Bro as I can relate to the horrible pain and suffering that you are enduring. But remember, Joy comes in the morning!
About that name thing. I went back to see what our names mean. In the bible, people where named in accordance to who they are. Jacob's named meant "trickster" but he became Israel after he wrestled with the strange man all night and was blessed. "Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel, for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed." Genesis 32, 28 (Hebrew version: Genesis 32, 29)". Our names means "Christ-bearer, or or he that holds Christ in his heart. I found that very interesting. Selah!
Remember, there is a promise and a prophecy to Peter when Jesus told him that Satan desired to sift him as wheat, but Jesus did not take Peter out of the temptation, which he could have, but rather, he told Peter that he prayed that His faith would not fail, and the sure promise and prophecy was that Jesus also told him that when he was converted, which occurred after the three betrayals with Peter weeping bitterly in Godly sorrow, which we know leads to repentance. Upon this repentance, Peter was converted as it says in the King James. Then Peter was told that when that occurred, He was then in a position in that he was commanded to go strengthen his brethren. We know the rest of the story how Peter went on to become a man that God could use mightily. Peter had to learn obedience through the things that he suffered. This has been a very difficult scripture for me for many years. (Luke 22:31-32). Jesus was telling Peter, who told the Lord that he would suffer even to the death for his Name, that Peter was going to fail miserably in that the spirit was willing but the flesh is weak. After Peter had seen this error, He realized his secret sin hidden in his heart. I find it very poignant that at the resurrection, The Lord instructed Mary to tell His disciples the good news and mentioned Peter by name specifically. I think Jesus wanted to let Peter know his sins were forgiven and the Lord greatly desired to see him and to know that.
I will continue to pray Luke 22:31-32 for you and please do the same for me brother.
In His service,
chris(radar)
