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Going back. Or not?


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#1 Cog

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 11:02 PM

Alright, I'll try to keep this as concise as possible. First, I was raised in the C&MA, my family's membership with our local church stretches back to over 45 years ago. My younger sister and I were both raised in our church and our church's K-6 school, so our development has been largely influenced by the C&MA culture of the 1990's and early 2000's.

 

I really loved our church, I thought it had a fantastic worldview as it balanced theological matters well with practical matters. We actually did missions work - it was a priority. In middle school and high school we went on trips that were devoted to serving others. That paradigm was even more prevalent in our college group that met on the university campus in my town. About three years into my time at the college group however, the church board decided to up and pull the plug on that, tearing the rug out from underneath all of us. I realized at the same time that my church was shifting their modus operandi from more of a theological/bible church to a charismatic/pentecostal church, much to my chagrin. I went along with it for a little bit and thought maybe it was something I could get into, but like those "bad acid trips" that I hear hippies talk about, it went sideways quick.

 

There were efforts by some to make course corrections and bring the church back around to a more orthodox and proper theological position, but the charismatic influence was too strong and to my knowledge it's continued down that path. Although, by most accounts, I think it's ultimately costing them.

 

I got married in 2009 and my wife and I decided that we should depart the only church community I had ever known. Over the next four tumultuous years, I spent much of time researching and exploring the ancient Christian faith in Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholicism and Anglicanism and while I still find myself more in agreement with them than anybody else, I'm still unsure if I want to commit to joining any of those respective churches.

 

Last year in 2013, my wife and I divorced. It's been very hard continuing on in life, but I've managed thus far. My church attendance had nigh dropped to zero over the past eight months (mostly because my job schedule conflicts) but also because of my questioning my faith more deeply. In that time while my divorce was pending, my closest friend abandoned me. Telling me that because I didn't have biblical grounds for divorce, and was still allowing it to happen, that he couldn't be my friend anymore (apparently following St. Paul's instructions in 1 Corinthians 11). This has left my already grim view of evangelicalism that much worse off.

 

The last few months have been very difficult, my marriage ended, my heart broke, I'm being laid off from my job and all of the guys whom I was friends with and whom I've known my entirely life have moved away. The thought of returning to my old C&MA community, if nothing else, brought me a sense of comfort in the familiarity. From what I understand though, the actions of the individual who ceased our friendship echoes the sentiments of the C&MA.

 

So, I apologize for this long-winded post, but I want to get to the bottom of this: am I no longer welcome in my church?

 

-I'm a freshly divorced man, our divorce was mutual and based exclusively on the fact that we felt we rushed into the marriage and we were a horrible match for each other. There was never any infidelity, neglect or abuse on either one of our parts. We were just polar opposites in every sense of the word and both of our families affirmed our decision, having seen from the beginning that we were ill suited for each other.

 

-I fully intend to remarry. I'm definitely not going to make the same mistake twice, but I do want to eventually remarry. I don't believe I was meant to walk through this life as a celibate monk, that's not my calling.

 

With those things in mind, am I somehow excluded from a C&MA affiliated church? I've reviewed the churches position on divorce and it seems pretty cut and dry. The one thing that I don't understand is: where is the cross? Where is the resurrection? Where's the redemption and healing that's supposed to accompany those things and restore us from the pain that comes from the sickness of sin?

 

I always thought my church was more compassionate than that, but if their views are just cold hard math as they're expressed on the Alliance website, well I guess I knew them less than I thought.

 

Thanks for reading and any insight that you have.



#2 chipped china

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Posted 25 April 2014 - 04:10 AM

Last night I listened to a commentary by Chuck Smith. It was titled Fault Finders vs Healers.



Our sins are forgiven, past, present and future. We live by grace and in that we must come to love His commandments because they keep us safe from hurting ourselves. Your church and friends should helping you correct your life so that doesn't happen again. Jesus made it very clear that the Pharisee's did not know God, they only knew the law. God is always ready to forgive His children. Sometimes we have to reap the consequences of our sin but the true sheep are healers by Jesus Christ.

Be patient while the Lord changes your path and teaches you lessons you need to learn. He will open other doors and restore you. I'll be praying for you. Betsy

#3 Cog

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Posted 25 April 2014 - 07:43 PM

Last night I listened to a commentary by Chuck Smith. It was titled Fault Finders vs Healers.



Our sins are forgiven, past, present and future. We live by grace and in that we must come to love His commandments because they keep us safe from hurting ourselves. Your church and friends should helping you correct your life so that doesn't happen again. Jesus made it very clear that the Pharisee's did not know God, they only knew the law. God is always ready to forgive His children. Sometimes we have to reap the consequences of our sin but the true sheep are healers by Jesus Christ.

Be patient while the Lord changes your path and teaches you lessons you need to learn. He will open other doors and restore you. I'll be praying for you. Betsy

 

Thanks for the response.

 

I was put off by my friends decision not just because he was severing our friendship at a time when I thought friends should rally together more than anything. In his words, I'm essentially someone calling themselves a brother when I'm not. He said because I was dating someone, not going to church and not "under the authority of a pastor" that he couldn't hang with me. The ironic thing is, he wasn't "selling" church to me very well, if anything he was painting a very condemning and legalistic portrait of Christianity.

 

I'm not against authority by any stretch of the imagination, I've always sought out mentorship and guidance from elders and people of faith and wisdom. His conception of mentorship, though, disturbs me. His mentor doesn't have a C&MA background (but somehow is in leadership at the church) and has a very legalistic and controlling way of handling things. My friend just blindly goes along with it, but this mentor threatens to exclude him from different groups or functions if he doesn't do thus-and-so. So you can see my reluctance to accepting my friends demand that I come under someone's authority.



#4 chipped china

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 05:13 PM

Pride and rebellion is what brought Satan down. We all must lie at the feet of Jesus, seeking Him first for everything. Forgive your brother and ask the Lord to show you His way. Forget dating for now, get right with Him and He will give you all you need. Learn patience and be happy for what you have each day. I know it's hard growing up and you will probably need to learn more lessons but if you immerse yourself in His Word it will alleviate a lot of heartache.  I pray with all my heart that you will turn to Jesus. He is the WAY, the Truth and the Light.


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