7 replies to this topic

[Kevin Blankenship]

If I am to love my neighbor as myself, then I must first love myself. I use to think that 'loving myself' was simply making sure that I was always feeling good, or entertained, or never bored, and on and on.

  But I now believe that Christian  self-love is something different. As a Christian, I should do those things which are wholesome for me, whether they feel good or not. Bible reading. Sometimes, this undertaking can be quite boring. Especially if one is wading through some of the Pentateuch books.....say, Numbers, for instance.

   But sometimes, I shy away from Bible reading because I erroneously think that it will bore me.  But if I practice self-love, I will read a chapter from the Bible and think about what I just read. It would take all of 20 minutes.  Kind of like eatings one's broccoli....or Brussel sprouts. (I actually love those two things, but pretend that it's a chore for me to eat them).  I love myself, so I will take in the proper nourishment,

   Self-love should spur me to pray. To converse with God.   And self-love should cause me to want to fellowship with other's of like precious faith (like I'm doing here)......but also at Church. 

   I have discovered a thorn in my flesh. It doesn't manifest itself to the extent that I can detect it. Because I'm far too busy doing those things that are not NOT conducive to a deeper Spiritual life. I watch too much TV. I eat FAR too many sweets.  When I wake up in the morning, I VERY frequently catch myself planning my day around my amusements and entertainment, instead of treating myself to things and activities that are conducive to building my relationship with Jesus.

   It brings to mind the words of Jesus in Revelations: "return to your first love".

  And John the Beloved said, in the epistles of John: "How can you say that you love God, Whom you cannot see.....when you don't even love your neighbor.....whom you can see" (my paraphrase).

    I've always been plagued by a certain self-loathing. Don't know why, I ain't gonna blame my parents, that's for sure. But I just wanted to share this little treatise about PROPER self-love.  If no-one has guessed it yet, I am preaching to my self.  Sometimes I just need to write stuff out and then read it. Seems to help. As a Christian, my first goal is to love GOD with ALL of my heart, mind, soul, and strength.  And my neighbor as myself.

   When I am hungry, I waste no time in getting some food in the gut. When I'm thirsty, I waste no time in screwing the cap or an Ozarka bottled water (room temp).  If I was going to close this little article with a prayer.....it would go something like this: "Dear God, please place a needy person before me every day."  It would be very good for me.  Anyway, just had this own my mind. Y'all have a great weekend.

 

[Meema]

Kevin, I understand completely what you are saying, both in regards to loving oneself enough to do what is in one’s best interest, and in regards to having to write something down in order to find out what one is thinking. I do that all the time. 

 

Self-love, in it’s basest form, is natural and is a God given instinct. All living beings are born with the internal mechanism for self-preservation and propagation. Unfortunately, it is also the weak link in our makeup that makes it possible for Satan to manipulate us. He knows exactly how to pander to our innate needs and, if left unchecked, this process becomes deadly because our basic instinct becomes a weapon of either self-centeredness or self-righteousness. Both of which separates us from Christ.

 

What is optimum is allowing Christ to rule our instinctual “self” so that we don’t even have to think about ourselves. When the focus is outward to Him, instead of inward on ourselves, we find that our needs are met. It’s true this is easier said than done. Some must overcome more naturally occurring quirks than others. But, in the trying, the daily self-discipling, we are striving toward Him, are we not? I believe He counts that.

[Kevin Blankenship]

I am striving daily to get out of the mentality when I arise in the morning: "What can I do that is fun and satisfying today?"

  There was a very happy time when I was able to restrain my morning thoughts with my morning devotions. What has changed in me??? Why is it that I get stuck in a rut. A rut that is ALWAYS geared towards my happiness. One would think that a Twice-born (borrowed the phrase from Tozer) person would wake up thinking about how to please Jesus. Sadly, that is not me.  If I DO wake up and do that......it is merely because I gritted my teeth and do my devotions.  How grievous it is to not know if I am a tare or a wheat.

 I want to WANT TO be a stalk of wheat. But if I just 'let myself go on my own power'......I ALWAYS seek my own happiness before that of others.

  I know that y'all get SO sick and tired of my self-deprecating posts. But I am posting the truth as i see it. I would welcome remedy. I have been a praying and believing man for 10 straight years (even longer).  But I still seem to stay the same old selfish person. There are times when I get VERY rigorous with myself.  But somehow, I am missing something. I realize that this would be a good place for some assertive soul to say: "Maybe you should just get saved."    I hope that will not be the case. I have sought God's help in these matters, even to the point of begging.  Anyway, off to the revival. I will keep an open mind. And see if God will speak to me through the preacher. Well, not ONLY me......but whomever needs and wants it. Thanks for reading.  Back in a hour and a half. Maybe two. Gotta eat afterwards. I really hope that i return a liberated soul.

 (By the way Meema, I put ALOT of stock in what you say. I DO read it and ponder it. Most of the time, if not all of the time, you respond do well that I have no response, as you answered my delimma)   God Bless ALL if you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ginger]

Greetings is what came mind... greeting whatever comes.... the bird chirping, a thought, and being aware of the sun shining and so wanting to be whatever pleases God.... thoughts barrage me... how do I greet these?  Well, reading what Kevin and Meema have written and just letting the Lord's love become a focusing thought.... how can we be one in Christ?  How can we be one with another?  :-) What if, .... what if just being myself and coming to the Lord inside me is good enough for this moment?  Christ in you the hope of glory.... Christ in me.... do I feel Christ in me?  Do I feel Christ in another?  Nope.  Reckon all I do is 'only believe' ... Like Kevin and like Meema or any other twice born person I want to please God.  Here we are posting our thoughts.... sometimes it seems as though all I do is all about self.  Is this the truth?  To me it surly seems so.  So this is what I come to Jesus with.... and sort of 'relaxing' into whatever comes .... For instance, Psalm 19 and how reading a commentary is 'natural' for me... Meyer commentary mentioned Psalm 8 and these writings help .... the barrage of thoughts come .... the recordings and writings of Norman Grubb.  The way I 'Godidenced' upon The Mazzaroth....  Chuck Missler mentions a couple of men... more 'writings'... so I searched them out....The Witness of the Stars–E. W. Bullinger–1893 and The Gospel in the Stars or, Primeval Astronomy –by Joseph A. Seiss.  Both 'writers' writings have all to do with Jesus and Scripture.  So I admittedly lack the ability to be anyone besides myself and so long to have Christ manifested in me.... perhaps all that is truly needed is for me to believe He is and the problems I've come up with truly are a part of His providence to learn Jesus chose me and loves me .... do I love Him?  Do I love others?  No.  Only Christ in me can love.  God is love.  I'm just a vessel or a container that He choses to use as He chooses.  He is the contents, I'm just a container.... Christ in me, just as I am.... He is in me even when I don't feel like He is in me.... He is the I AM and He chose me... He chose me ... Overwhelming thought to experience.... very overwhelming.  .............. Thank you Kevin.  Thank you Meema.    Reckon a remembering comes to mind so will share it.    Once a man asked a little girl what she thought about whatever he was speaking about, and the little girl said, "I don't know what I think about that, I haven't heard what I have to say"... Does Jesus sometimes ask us what we think? He asked His disciples a question.  "Who do you say that I am?"  and Paul says to think on these things.... I seem to think on and on..... and on and on......Reckon GOD KNOWS so I'll stop and not suppose too much.... God bless.  ~Ginger

[Meema]

Ginger, dear, how lovely! What I was thinking is much less poetic and a bit more practical. I prefer your take on the topic way more than mine but I guess I have to say it anyway.

 

I could be wrong, I have been known to be, but I’m pretty sure those who worry and fret over whether or not they are saved,–are saved–because those who aren’t saved generally could care less and certainly wouldn’t wonder about it. 

 

Sanctification, the spiritual growing up part, the overcoming part, that’s a struggle everyone must deal with, ongoing to the drawing of the last breath. Being ‘saved’ isn’t the problem, finding a way to channel your energy to glorify God in the way you believe is the manifestation of your salvation, is. Have you determined that if you were saved you would be different? You would be less obsessed with the things you enjoy, more dedicated to a daily worship routine? You’d have nothing but Godly thoughts and interests? You’d be ‘holy’ in some way that you have deemed as ‘holy’?  

 

But is that what God has impressed on your heart that He expects of you? Are you beating yourself up because you see yourself as simply being defiant? Or is this something you have come up with based on all the stray things implanted in you over time? An expectation of holiness based on a human interpretation? We cannot be holy. Only Christ is holy. 

 

We all have notions, they come in bits and pieces, we pick them up like little stones off the pitted road we each journey on. We slip them into our pockets and slowly, over time, they weigh us down. We know they are there, but usually no one else can see them because they are hidden. You have brought many of your stones for others to examination in this forum. You have asked for input from those whom you have come to trust. When someone suggests that you take the stones and toss them away, because you don’t need them, you anguish because you feel obligated, tied down to and enslaved to the phantom weight left behind that you can’t forget.

 

I know about OCD. In fact, for one reason and another I have a working knowledge of all manner of personality disorders that cause humans grief. I think that you are fighting the stronghold of your OCD.  It’s real, it’s part of who you are, it’s probably the driving force behind most of the bad choices you have already admitted that you have made in your life. God knows all about it but nevertheless He is bigger than your drives. Can you give Him credit for that? He is way bigger and by leaning on Him, you can overcome. That doesn't mean get rid of, just be in charge of it instead of letting it driving the bus.

 

I’ve been reading and observing in this forum for nearly two years. From what I have read I find that, above all, you are an honest person. You are sincere. You have overcome so many bad things that many if not most NEVER do. If you were the old man you once were, you would not have taken on the burden of caring for you mother. I know this because I am a life long student of human nature. I know what selfish people do and don’t do. I also know that you can go to your grave waking up every day anguishing or you can measure how far you have come, from the brink of self-destruction, to pondering your salvation, seeking Christian fellowship and wanting to know Jesus better.

 

 ... could it be that it is because ...

 

... wait for it ..

 

... you are saved?

 

That’s the part of you that has changed visibly and dramatically. And that’s the part God uses. You probably have never considered that your posts in this forum make impact for God’s good purpose. You have no idea who reads in here and never posts. Maybe God has led others with your “thorn” to see what it is for another to struggle with the same doubts. 

 

You did not get this far on your own, that I know you agree with. He may not be done with you yet but He wouldn’t be working with you at all if you didn’t belong to Him. 

 

As I was typing this I received this in my inbox from T. Austin-Sparks: 

 

What is the purpose of sonship? It is to bring us into a place of spiritual responsibility. God never puts responsibilities upon ‘official people,’ but upon sons. Therefore He has to train us as children in order to develop sonship in us, to bring us there where we can take responsibilities for God. He seeks to bring us to a state of spiritual maturity, to full growth. 

When God is dealing with us, there is behind it a wonderful assurance that He is going to put His trust in us. He is bringing us into a position of trust. We do not just want to be servants, bits of a machine, but sons who have become one with the Father, and in whose hands He can put spiritual responsibilities. When we truly recognize this, we begin to understand why God is dealing with us as He does. But because God is in it we know that the end is sure. He will bring His children through.

Note the part about “the end is sure...He will bring His children through”. 

You are His. Rise up to the honor. 

For Him,

Meema

[chipped china]

Thank you everyone, Kevin for your transparency giving us pictures of the human and spiritual condition. We respond to Christ in you and Christ in us makes us want to uplift and commune with you. Meema, your voice of insight and clarity is His love. And Ginger, I've always seen your poetic and child like faith, just trusting your Savior. You have all given me gifts of His Spirit. I really needed to feel His Holiness today. Praise You sweet Lord for your mercy and grace.

[Speilb]

Kevin, I was wondering if you have read John Piper much, particularly in the area of "Christian Hedonism" as he likes to call it.  If you haven't I think you might enjoy him and benefit from him.  I am not a particular fan of the name "Christian Hedonism" but I think he has some great thoughts for you.  I think you and he might have some similarities as well. 

 

I would call the subject here "guiding our heart".  We know that the heart is deceitful and beyond cure.  Our nature from Adam constantly calls out to us to pursue things that will, in the end, give us no pleasure.  Meanwhile it leads us away from things that will ultimately provide us the greatest depths of pleasure.  God was pleased with Moses' boldness that led him to request God to show him His Glory.  Why did Moses' want to see God's glory?  Was it for the people's benefit?  Was it for God's benefit?  No, it was simply out of a desire to experience something good. 

 

The term "self-love" along with "self-actualization", "self-confidence", "self-esteem", "self-efficacy", and many others are not commanded in scripture in fact such acts of confidence in the flesh are condemned.  Love your neighbor as yourself is a command about loving your neighbor.  In this command it is not commanding that we have gooshy feelings towards our neighbor.  It is commanding we show "preference" to our neighbor as we show preference to ourselves.  If I am hungry I eat, if I am thirsty I drink these are practical acts of love and care for my body.  So I should give the same concern for my neighbor in such practical ways as do myself.  For me a good example of this command in practical life would be the person who cares for their sick elderly neighbor by helping them use the bathroom (this would be very big stretch for me).  That is a practical display of loving our neighbor as our self. 

 

The Bible states that no-one ever hated their own body (Eph 5:29).  Therefore we don't need to be commanded to love ourselves, we already do (in the practical self-preservation sense).  Many will look at this and say "but I know someone who is suicidal, or has a number of what appears to be self-loathing or self-destructive practices.  Because I must believe the scripture is 100% accurate down to the least stroke of a pen I have to agree with Ephesians.  So I believe that when we see self-destructive things we are actually not seeing someone acting on their own will but in accordance with our adversaries' will for their life.

 

Paul was very open about his self-esteem, love, ect.  He had none.  Whatever, had in himself that he could claim outside of divine grace he considered but rubbish/dung.  He placed no confidence in the flesh (though he was highly accomplished in his previous flesh-works).  He said that he knew that nothing good resided in Him that was from his flesh but instead anything of any value about Paul was the direct result of the Spirit residing in him.  

 

We are to love Christ and His presence in us.  We are to love God's Holy Spirit's presence in our lives.  We are to feel greatly honored that He should set up camp in us.  However, our identity outside of such things should be one of self-loathing, self-denial, and daily self-crucifixion.  This doesn't mean we should not care for ourselves in the sense of feeding ourselves, showering and the like ("Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;").  But we shouldn't try to have favorable feelings about ourselves in our natural state. Unfortunately Psychology has come into the church and has taught us falsely about our identity and churches have followed along.  I know the self-love I am speaking of is a little different from where Kevin took it but I think it important to steer well clear of such things even though it was used on this thread as a launching point into some good thoughts on what I would label "guiding our hearts". 

[Kevin Blankenship]

Thank you Chipped China for the nice and heartfelt comments. And thank you Meema for taking the time that it took to type out a welll thought out response.  These posts, they keep me on the sane, narrow path.  I don't take them for granted. I honestly do not. None of them. I appreciate them all. I take notice of, and appreciate all feedback.  Some of it is correcting. I'm a big boy. I should be able to take it. And I can.  I must.  Some of the posts are simply very very kind words.  They are equally helpful.

   By the way, the Evangelist who is preaching until Wednesday Night is the best preacher that I have ever heard!!!!! In person, that is. And guess what!!!!  During his message this morning he said that most of his mentors are dead. And he named them. A.W. Tozer was in the list!!!!!!!  Well, of course, he had me right there!!!  He's fairly young. In his 40's.  But preaches with a deep love for Jesus. And another BIG PLUS is that he doesn't alliterate his sermons. (lol......I'm just teasing certain members here in good natured fun).  But seriously, ......he doesn't.  He had his son (late teens?) pray the opening prayer tonite before he preached. That young felloe loves Jesus!!!! I could tell it in his prayer. I don't know how. I could just tell that he was no nonsense about Jesus. So....this is going to be a very good....and hopefully, very liberating week!!!!!  Love you ladies!!!!!!!!! In Christ......Kevin

  I left out several names, ladies (and gentleman)!!! Please don't hold that against me. I had you ALL on my mind while typing. Ginger, SpeilB (a gentleman).  Thank you for you replies!!!!! God Bless the entire lot of you.......all in one fell swoop!!!!!!lol